Moms Actually
Moms Actually is a motherhood community that aims to redefine motherhood and break away from the unhealthy expectations society has placed on women.
Our community provides spaces for women to authentically relate to each other in a society that often prioritizes appearances over genuine experiences.
We host a visual podcast that addresses the experiences of womanhood, sisterhood and motherhood through candid and transparent discussions We have discussed a range of topics, including marriage, dating, single motherhood, body image, miscarriage and child loss, blended families, the impact of social media, entrepreneurship, mental health and much more.
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Moms Actually
Championing Autism: From Parent to Advocate Ft. Ayumi Lashley
Hey MA! 💕 What does it feel like to not only advocate for your child's autism diagnosis but to discover that you, too, have autism spectrum disorder?
Join us as we welcome Ayumi Lashley, a mother, autism advocate and social media influencer, who shares her personal journey of self-discovery and her fight for understanding and acceptance for both her daughter and herself in the world of neurodivergence.
Together, we explore:
- The challenges that come with navigating a child's autism diagnosis
- The importance of recognizing the differences between children and adults with autism
- The potentially harmful concept of "masking" and the pressure faced by individuals with autism to blend in with society
- How we can work towards creating a more inclusive and understanding environment for everyone, regardless of their differences
- Parenting a child with autism and the delicate balance between advocacy and instilling a sense of confidence and pride in our children's unique identities
Ayumi shares her personal insights on teaching kindness and fostering empathy towards others, which leads to an eye-opening conversation that is not to be missed. Listen in to learn more about Ayumi Lashley's autism advocacy journey and the important message she has to share.
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Hey Mom, Welcome to Moms Actually. This week we have Ayumi Lashley joining us to talk about the work she did to get her daughter properly diagnosed with autism, while finding out she had autism herself. If you enjoy Moms Actually, please share, comment and rate. Don't forget to engage with us in the Facebook chat or on Instagram. We're always looking for new mom friends. Let's get into it.
Speaker 2:They were giving her every diagnosis in the book besides autism. So I had to do my research and I'm like let me tell y'all what it is Like. Okay Here, what's up, hey Mom?
Speaker 3:What's up, hey Mom? What's up, hey Mom? What's up, hey Mom, what's up? Welcome back to Moms. Actually, we are on the set and today we have Ayumi and we are so excited to be here, we're so excited to just join in in the conversation. My name is Morgan and this is Blair. Let's just go ahead and get started?
Speaker 1:Yes, so whenever we have a guest, we play a fun little game called It's Gipping Motherhood.
Speaker 2:Just to kind of like break the ice. Let you know we're friendly and you can go sit with us. You're going to ask you a few questions.
Speaker 1:They're going to be either or questions, so are you ready?
Speaker 2:So it's like true or false, or It's going to be pick one or the other. Listen to that.
Speaker 1:Okay So theme park or a quiet cabin trip.
Speaker 2:Quiet cabin trip. Okay, every single time, every single time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, work your dream job or win the lottery.
Speaker 2:I'm going to win that lottery.
Speaker 3:I could do both After I win that lottery.
Speaker 2:That's so true. Exactly Cool little or Netflix binge. I'm gonna say Netflix. Okay, i don't. I don't know, i don't watch TV. Honestly, Oh, i'm gonna say Netflix, because I know my kids watch Netflix.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay, are you a morning person or night? Night, night. Yes, don't talk to me in the morning, is that?
Speaker 2:what it is. No talk to me. It's like if I can't be yes, I'm not talking. all the way, Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, the famous superpower question. Okay, fly or read minds, fly or read minds?
Speaker 2:Which one would you?
Speaker 1:rather do Fly or read someone's mind.
Speaker 2:Oh, that sounds so stressful. I don't know if I could read your mind. Yes, i don't know. Can I turn it off and on? I need to know Why not. I guess I'll read mine.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, why not? Yeah, are you a thinker or are you a doer?
Speaker 2:I'm a thinker, she's a thinker.
Speaker 1:I'm a thinker, i think, i'm a thinker, i'm ready. Yeah, and then social time or alone time, hmm, I see social. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, you're like you are the social media girl right now, like you're literally popping right now, i would love for you to like just tell us a little bit more about yourself and even make sure you know you follow her.
Speaker 3:But literally tell us what you are really making sure that people are aware about, and we just want to know more about you.
Speaker 2:Okay, so my page used to be about like being a mom and then having a child on the spectrum. So with this journey I have been learning so much with like autism and then I'm like, the more I learn, i'm like hold up, like this sounds a lot like me, like hold on. So it was already really challenging getting my daughter diagnosed because, first of all, she's intelligent, you know, she's just like the average kid. So they were giving her every diagnosis in the book besides autism. So I had to do my research and I'm like let me tell y'all what it is.
Speaker 2:Like right here, right here, and you're like you're right.
Speaker 1:So I got like four different, you know. So, doctor, I mean Yes basically.
Speaker 2:So you know, i made sure I went to multiple doctors and make sure I get every time And during this journey of teaching the audience or followers about autism, that's when I started learning more about myself. So the traits for children are different than adults. And I was just looking at children So I'm like that ain't me. You know I don't have a tantrum and cry and this and that, but when you look into women with autism you're just like hold on, like I didn't know there was different traits. So that's when I discovered and got diagnosed myself.
Speaker 2:And yes by multiple people that I do have autism spectrum disorder And then I'm like I need to share this with the world, because imagine how many other women who are in the spectrum and have no idea especially women of color Like they're like one of the most undiagnosed. You know demographics.
Speaker 2:So that's what my page is currently about the spreading awareness and trying to help the community about neurodivergence, adhd, autism, and it's been actually helping. So many people Like I get messages all day, every day, like, oh my gosh, my children because of you, me, because you know, i just learned so much.
Speaker 3:You recently did a post about masking what it looks like to. You know autism and how you don't actually want to preach that because how you wish you didn't have to mask and things like that.
Speaker 2:Could you just?
Speaker 3:elaborate on that a little bit more.
Speaker 2:Yes, So I know there's a bad histories ABA therapy, which is for autism and trying to teach them to blend in with society But studies are showing that that's actually very hurtful for the person or child because they are made a certain way. Your brain is wired a certain way. If they're tapping their feet, if they're clapping or flapping their arms, that's because they're regulating themselves. So having to like hide that or like not doing it in public is like traumatizing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's very stressful.
Speaker 2:So masking is actually really bad And society just needs to like accept autism. Like if there's a child screaming, like they'll automatically think they're bad, like they might be on the spectrum. Or if you see someone who might be a little bit socially awkward, like this, be nice. So that's period Period.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's normal, it's human kind, right literally, absolutely. What were it? So you say, like you know, your daughter was intelligent, et cetera. Like what made you realize, like that, something was different about her to even go do all of the work?
Speaker 2:So what I noticed is when I had my other daughter she most likely on the spectrum too, but you know there's different trains, yeah. So I was like my youngest daughter was socially accelerating, while my oldest was a little behind in some areas and I was just like, okay, she's catching up, but they're six years apart And like, socially, my oldest, you know, might not understand things that she should For her age. I'm like, okay, like you should have understood this concept, or you should be a little bit more independent, or she might have challenges in school, socially, academically, like she has a genius IQ. So things like that started not adding up, like, oh, she's struggling to follow simple directions, like literally like put this over. There was like a very hard challenge for her. So that's when I was like, okay, there's something going on. But also, honestly, after learning, there was like clues, since she was really young but you know when you're a mom, you just don't, you know whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, But I remember my co-workers when I was in the military was like she's very delayed in her speech And I was like no, she's not, you know. I mean, she's only three. I'm like she has time, like she's talking, but yeah, she might be mumbling. But now I look back at videos I'm like, oh yeah, she, I could probably have found out then.
Speaker 1:But yeah, i think it's hard because they're such standard like. Even though that it's a spectrum, it seems like we don't think someone, or even a child, has autism, unless it's like they don't want to be touched.
Speaker 2:They don't speak at all, And so it's like if it's not that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it can't be autism.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Something else, And I think what's cool about the conversation is to show like it doesn't have to look like that Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, you know, I would also love to touch on the fact that you said even in school. So when it comes to her being in school and as a mom, you want to advocate for your child.
Speaker 2:What does that look?
Speaker 3:like for you.
Speaker 2:It's challenging Because I don't want to. She's older now, so she's 12. Okay, so you know I try to balance with you know, not try to step in too much, because she doesn't want to be embarrassed. I'm always up there like these kids are bullying her or whatnot. So I try to like teach her confidence and how to stick up for her. So, and I always talk to her teachers or counselors like you guys better make sure she's getting these accommodations Okay, because, like socially, if she doesn't do something like this, like I'm gonna need you to not get you know upset with her or whatnot, because at the beginning they were having a little bit challenges with that. Like hey, she left a mess on her desk. I'm like okay, well you know.
Speaker 2:So they would do like little complaints here and then, like I told her to clean up and she left the classroom, i'm like, well, remind her, don't take it personal. So, like you know, this is a balance. So I'm even thinking about homeschooling her, okay, Because, she is having like challenges with bullies Because she is different and she's black And she's in a very nice school. There's not that many diversity, yes, so it's a challenge. I'm like I might have to homeschool you guys. It struggles real.
Speaker 3:Yeah, do you guys have conversations as well, like, do you talk to her about just even navigating her own? diagnosis and what that looks like, especially when I just can imagine as a child and you're coming home and you're not understanding why you're being bullied. What does that look like?
Speaker 2:You know, i try to talk to her because I've been through the same thing as her and I didn't know as a child why I couldn't make friends, why? So you know there's certain situations I might hear her talking to her friends. I'm like, you know, would you say why did not been nice? or you could have said it this way. She's like well, i'm just telling the truth, you know. I'm like there's certain ways to. So I just try to teach her from experience, like I know, but society says this is considered rude or whatnot. So it's like a balance between they have to accept you for who you are and what's like a little rude or whatnot.
Speaker 3:I do talk to her about it, like hey, i love that you're also teaching her accountability. Yes, because that's really important to you.
Speaker 2:Yes, I just wanted her to be confident and proud of who she is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, So I know you talk her through a lot based on your own experiences and then just being mom, of course, but what therapies or interventions have worked for her Or has she experienced that maybe have helped? just in case anybody else did, yeah?
Speaker 2:She got ABA therapy when she was 11. Autism behavioral therapy or something like that Yeah, but that's what she got when she was like 10 or 11. And it actually helped me more than her for to be a better parent, because they gave us a lot of tools Like here here's a checklist for you to do every morning, like brush your teeth, put your clothes on, look in the mirror. It taught us how to help her become more independent. So I think with that like the tools to help me to guide her with her everyday tasks and stuff like that I think that's what really helped me and her. But yeah, it's just like basic things to help us with mood and learning how to socially say things at the right time, like they said. Like when you have a big feeling, you know, maybe write it down and things like that.
Speaker 3:So a lot of tools. It's almost like you guys are going through this journey together in so many different ways, because you're kind of like not only trying to navigate with her, but you're also teaching yourself new things because you're also having to do these same therapies. Is that true? Or is it different, like you're the way you, because you didn't find out you had autism until later?
Speaker 2:Right, just like a year ago, right?
Speaker 3:So what have you been doing in this time? It's almost like your journey is like the same right, yeah, or is it different?
Speaker 2:Well, she was an ABA therapy, i didn't know, ok, so this was just. Like you know, i thought I was. I knew I was yeah, i just supported her. I'm dyslexic as well, so I'm like you know. I understand certain things, but once I found out, i've been reading a lot. There's like a book called Learning How to Unmask, or Masking Autism, and I'm trying to find a therapist who specializes in adults with autism, which is very challenging to find, especially in Vegas.
Speaker 2:So I do have a therapist and I just have to like educate myself honestly and like learn how to unmask, and learn how to just be myself and not try to blend in with everyone Because it's stressful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my entire life.
Speaker 2:So I'm like. Who am I Like? who would?
Speaker 1:I really be.
Speaker 2:I'm like, who would I be if I didn't have to learn to blend in with everyone else? So I'm trying to figure out who I am right now And I think it's a beautiful journey. Like I'm so blessed to have my daughter. I'm like without her I would not probably ever know.
Speaker 1:Like because I want to do research about it, i was going to say it's just such a fine line Because I think like a lot of stuff I could even recognize, i'm like. but then it's like how do we get away from every You know how? like everybody calls themselves OCD.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, OCD is like an actual diagnosis behind it.
Speaker 1:So I can imagine like things get oddly popular, Yeah, Like it's just weird because you can see yourself in a lot of things. So it's like how do I?
Speaker 2:I guess what are the steps?
Speaker 1:to even find out if you are or aren't, because I can imagine a lot of people seeing this and thinking like, hey maybe, maybe I am Exactly So how did you get diagnosed? for yourself.
Speaker 2:So I did a lot of research and, honestly, like TikTok was a life saver, because there are so many other autistic adults who have been diagnosed since they were a baby or later on, and I'm like, oh, wow, they sound like me or they look like me, and I'm just like this is interesting. And then I did my own research and I found like online tests, first called like ASPYcom, and it's like a long test and they're like if you get a high score, this means you're most likely on this mission and I don't need you to get diagnosed if you want to. So 200 was the highest. I got like 187. So they're like you are.
Speaker 2:Basically, it was like if you're over 250 or 240, i'm like I'm 287, like I'm almost, you know, the highest you can get. So I was like okay, every question I was like yes, yes, this is me, yes, yes, yes. So my therapist definitely was like yeah, you know, you're definitely probably almost likely. And then that's when I see another doctor who was a psychologist and she diagnosed me and she was like, yes, you know, they start from the childhood. Like tell me your childhood and all these questions. So after that she's like you hit every criteria. She's like you only needed four out of six or something like that She's like you check all the boxes.
Speaker 3:I'm like I know Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm just at this point and just confirming like five times. But yeah, she was like, yeah, you definitely are.
Speaker 3:So Well, as a mom, i would say it's probably we're already trying to balance like our lives, our self care and taking care of our needs, and then we're also taking care of our children's needs. How have you found like what works for you? especially speaking to other moms who are you know they have a child who is autistic, what would you say has been your best practice? to make sure you balance not only your needs but theirs as well.
Speaker 2:Honestly, like I'm just now trying to figure out that balance, which is fine, because I just been a thousand miles per hour. so lately, like the last six months to year, i'm like I need help. You know, like go get resources outsourced for if you need a housekeeper, if you need a nanny, like get that help. So that's what I've been doing is like outsourcing and trying to get help, because there's this no way that you know, especially when you're like an archer apreneur I have multiple businesses and like having to travel all the time, i'm like, okay, i need to balance. Another thing I've been doing is when they're at school, like if I need a massage, i'm like massage.
Speaker 1:If I need to like self-care.
Speaker 2:So I'm like, okay, i need to. I have to add self-care to my routine because if not I'm gonna go crazy Like I was burnt out the past 32 years. So now I'm like I'm no longer gonna live that life. So let me like unsubscribe.
Speaker 3:So, seriously.
Speaker 2:I'm like, i'm unsubscribing from that life so let me do some me time, take care of myself, so that's what I'm on right now, like okay at least once we do something for yourself.
Speaker 1:That's good. That's what you're from. Oxygen mask on first like take care of anybody. Okay, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Do you have anything coming up that you want to share with our viewers? Anything coming that you're working on, anything that you before you're like just like you know what, not that I could think of.
Speaker 2:I have lots of like business ventures. Okay, right now like so I want to do real estate investing and even maybe like a creator studio, like a studio or a place for creators to be able to film if they don't have that environment at their home, or take photography, do photography over there, and you know my daughter's doing a little acting here and there. You know A couple TV shows been heading me out.
Speaker 3:I'm a mom and you're now, you know so like this is like that.
Speaker 2:Hey Chris, if y'all you want to manage me, i'm gonna need you in my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i have one more question for you, though For anybody who's watching, like that is a parent to a kid that might be in a class with your daughter or another child. That's like. Just you know different.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What like what should they say to their children? like how do they prepare their children to be kind? people like what would you want them to say? like how?
Speaker 2:I guess to teach other parents I would say, like be accepting of who they are, or just be nice. Just be a nice person, like in general. Do not take advantage of them. Be aware what you're saying. Don't say nothing. That would hurt your feelings if you were in that shoe. So you know, just be nice. Don't treat others the way you would have been treated. Be kind.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's it, and I think that's like a normal like it should be. We should think that way before, whatever reason, yes, kids are so mean.
Speaker 1:That's true, yeah, so be kind and don't be brave in comments if you're not brave in real life. Okay, okay, thank you so much for joining us today. This is Mops actually. Make sure you guys like the episode. Share it with another mother subscribe you can follow, i only and follow us. If you this is your first time seeing us subscribe. We appreciate you guys watching.
Speaker 3:Yes, thank you so much.
