Do you ever wonder how new moms handle the changes in their lives and how to prioritize self-care and relationships? Fashion influencer, Shay Nicole, joins us for a conversation about new motherhood, self-care, and staying grounded in the face of challenges. We talk about everything from push gifts to personal trainers and how Shay handles her online presence, trolls, and learning the art of being unbothered from Beyoncé.
Motherhood brings a new set of challenges when it comes to body image and self-care. We share our insights on:
We also discuss crucial role of self-care for Black mothers and teaching our children about their worth. By sharing our experiences, we hope to empower mothers to prioritize their own well-being, and we challenge women to have a night of fun, channeling their 20-year-old selves and experiencing the time of their lives. Don't miss this fun and inspiring conversation with Shay Nicole!
★ New Episodes are released on Thursdays on YouTube and Podcast Platforms.
★ Did You Like What You Heard? Please Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe!
★ Interested in advertising? Email: heyma@momsactually.com
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Do you ever wonder how new moms handle the changes in their lives and how to prioritize self-care and relationships? Fashion influencer, Shay Nicole, joins us for a conversation about new motherhood, self-care, and staying grounded in the face of challenges. We talk about everything from push gifts to personal trainers and how Shay handles her online presence, trolls, and learning the art of being unbothered from Beyoncé.
Motherhood brings a new set of challenges when it comes to body image and self-care. We share our insights on:
We also discuss crucial role of self-care for Black mothers and teaching our children about their worth. By sharing our experiences, we hope to empower mothers to prioritize their own well-being, and we challenge women to have a night of fun, channeling their 20-year-old selves and experiencing the time of their lives. Don't miss this fun and inspiring conversation with Shay Nicole!
★ New Episodes are released on Thursdays on YouTube and Podcast Platforms.
★ Did You Like What You Heard? Please Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe!
★ Interested in advertising? Email: heyma@momsactually.com
Want to Watch?
Follow Us on Instagram
Shop the Merch
Join our Facebook Community
Welcome to the season three finale of Moms. Actually, it has been a time. We hope you've enjoyed the stories and different perspectives from our guests this season. While the podcast is on hiatus until season four, morgan and I aren't going anywhere. Keep up with us in the Facebook chat or on Instagram. This is going to be an off season you don't want to miss. Let's get into our last episode of the season featuring Shay Nicole.
Speaker 2:I love my students. I don't want to leave my job. He's like forget them kids. You need to. I'll give you some kids. You know what I'm saying What's up?
Speaker 3:Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Welcome back to Moms. Actually, i am so, so excited to have my good sis here. Shay, welcome to our set, our house for the week, hey girl, how are you?
Speaker 2:I'm so good. Thank you for having me. Of course I'm hype.
Speaker 3:Yes, i am so excited that we get to have you here. Another hot mom, if you will. My name is Morgan and this is Blair, so we are excited. We're going to get right started for our game Now. I know you said you watch, so you probably are looking for the paddles, but they're not here because we are doing our quick little switch up. It's this or a that, Okay, so really quick, easy. But the first answer is what? The right answer?
Speaker 1:Always.
Speaker 3:So I'm going to get it started.
Speaker 1:Okay, push gift or a guaranteed babysitter for a year.
Speaker 2:Ooh, give me the sitter Two years.
Speaker 1:What if I got you a new Maybach?
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 2:I don't know, sis, i be in the house all the time. I like to Uber everywhere, so give me the babysitter for sure, mommy makeover or personal trainer. Personal trainer, because that's what's going to give my makeover Period. So you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:All right Diaper, genie or white warmer.
Speaker 2:Diaper genie. My daughter wasn't really affected with the cold wipes. It didn't really matter for her. Yeah, I mean white warmer.
Speaker 3:It was the biggest whip, but they don't know the difference. Yeah, travel to the past or travel to the future?
Speaker 2:Ooh, that's a good question. I would say travels to the past. I would love to check in with some of my loved ones who've passed on and just check in with them like y'all proud of me Oh.
Speaker 1:I love that. Am I doing well for y'all, especially my?
Speaker 2:ancestors, my elders. So definitely to the past. I feel like the future's a little scary. I don't know if the metaverse. I don't know if I want to see all that.
Speaker 1:Text or voice memo.
Speaker 2:I'm a voice memo girl Like you know the memes where it's like a thousand. Yeah, I do, I'm guilty. Yes.
Speaker 3:Yes, welcome to the podcast. All right, bikini or tankeene.
Speaker 2:Definitely bikini. Yes, let's put it out. My husband likes to see skin honey. Okay, don't get the skin.
Speaker 1:Yes, give him a show, okay, dinner with fiancee or.
Speaker 2:Dinner with fiancee, unless it's Jesus. Is the Jesus coming up? No, it's not Jesus coming up Or all expense paid, shopping spree, beyonce She's going to give me the gym so I can go get to the bag even more and pay for my own shopping spree.
Speaker 1:Oh, what does she just eat?
Speaker 3:What does she don't even say she talks, listen, i just feel like She's like I feel like I'm just there, yeah, even watching her, you can just go up and pick up the aura, the energy, yeah.
Speaker 2:I love it. I'm walking away with something from Beyonce.
Speaker 1:What would you want to pick up from Beyonce? What do you think Beyonce would tell you?
Speaker 2:I'm not going to lie y'all. I need a lesson in her unbotheredness as an influencer. I feel like once a quarter I'd be trying to check people that come for me, you do.
Speaker 3:I love it. You go to the comments. I read the comments. She checks people.
Speaker 2:Because I believe in authentic engagement. I talk to my audience, i engage with them, but every once in a while a little troll slips into the community and I got to put them back in their place. But Beyonce never does that. The way she carries herself, she doesn't address the hate. So I need a lesson in that.
Speaker 1:Okay, she don't need to.
Speaker 2:You need to create the shea hive or something I'm not going to do nothing, that's true, and let them handle it.
Speaker 3:I will say, though you do always do it with grace.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:It's never like nothing too crazy when you check people, it's a sweet read where they just feel like, ooh, tell them a nasty read, a sweet nasty read.
Speaker 2:You have to remind people who you are.
Speaker 3:I'm from the 757. I'm from Virginia, period 757 in house The 757.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be the other part of Virginia.
Speaker 3:The best part.
Speaker 1:The northern Virginia. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much, but no, we are really excited to have you here.
Speaker 2:You are a new mom.
Speaker 3:I am, And one of the things that I love about just how you have presented yourself online is the fact that you are just quickly saying like no, I'm not falling into the trap of like losing myself or anything like that, but you're being so I can't be cute.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or I can't be cute.
Speaker 3:It's just like a proactiveness that you have Absolutely. And that you're speaking out about it And you're also very real, like okay, but like today is not necessarily the best day. You know what I'm saying. So you're giving a good balance, and so what fueled that for?
Speaker 2:you, i think, thinking for me, thinking back to watching my mom when I was growing up. Sis was always tired. You know she was working retail. She used to also work for the city. So when she came home, you know, just from working those long hours and her feet was hurting, her ankles were swollen, she didn't necessarily have the time to hang out with me, my older brother And you know I'm a PK right, so she was the first lady. That's a whole another life that you know.
Speaker 2:For those who know, y'all know So, between her trying to balance her church life and working as a you know, as a retail worker and working for the city and just having all these multiple hats, she just never put herself first. And I don't want my daughter to grow up saying my mom was a hardworking, strong black woman. You know, i mean she's going to say that, but I want the first thing to come out my daughter's mouth is my mom was happy. You know she was full of joy When she walked into the room. You know everyone felt her presence. Those are the type of things I want my daughter to say about me And I wish I could. I mean now I can say that about my mom, because you know she's, she's retired, she's in her best life.
Speaker 2:Yes, But I don't have those memories of my mother. It's not a bad thing. I think it's just a generational shift. So that's that's what my driving force is.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then, as an influencer, you get to choose what you show everybody. What do people not see? Ooh, that's good.
Speaker 2:They don't see what I'm just like, not feeling it. I have my days where I will do absolutely nothing. I call it the airplane mode. Okay, I don't. I never turn my phone off, but mentally I just check out. I sit on the couch and it's just me, my husband, we binge watch TV for hours, Like that's. That's a good thing about being so busy All the episodes of your favorite shows get some pow-ups.
Speaker 2:And we'll just literally sit in our pajamas or in our robes and just do nothing, And that's the best time. Maybe I should show more of that. No, I think about it, but I think it's. It's a good balance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I remember at one point I had to get out social media because it seems like someone is always doing something There we go. It's like maybe it's just, i don't know, but it's like real life, like we get our content, we put it out, but you know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I had my days. There's regular days. Yeah, that's what they don't see. And when I be running errands looking a mess like they don't see, my husband always jokes with me like you know someone's going to see you out.
Speaker 1:You need to put a hat on or something Yeah, but I don't know, i like the, i like the cute girl scene Yeah, you know I know I know we all got the other song.
Speaker 3:We do, we do.
Speaker 1:You. I love looking at your page because you and your daughter do what I will never do, but wish I would do is, like you know, the cute little outfit.
Speaker 3:The mommy style You're a girl Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, someone would have to do that for me, i got you, i got you, i got you, i got you I think that's so cute, thank you.
Speaker 3:So, going back to the fact that you are a new mom, is there anything that surprised you or you feel like, okay, mom's yelling and prepare me for this? Like y'all forgot to tell me about this Girl.
Speaker 2:Yes, She said everything, no, everything, yes. But nobody emphasizes the importance of rest, because when you think of the new mommy stage, you always hear, oh, you're never gonna sleep, or sleep in the baby's sleep. Like am I gonna do laundry? when the baby does laundry, like, what are you talking?
Speaker 1:about Right.
Speaker 2:So they don't emphasize the importance of rest. I'm so blessed that I had an amazing doula. Shout out to all the black birth workers out there Y'all are important, y'all are vital, y'all are essential. But my doula her name is Anya, and she sent me and my husband down and was like listen, because I was going through like swollen ankles and back issues And she was like you don't know how to sit down, like one time she came over I was doing dishes And she was like what, gigi, is fresh out the womb? You have a hole in your womb, like you know when you deliver your baby.
Speaker 2:there's a little womb there And I don't want to misquote her, but she gave me the story of like back in the day, our ancestors, they would like they call it like a shut-in, for like 40 days after a woman gave birth She didn't go outside. Now that's a little extreme for us because you know we're all working mothers But nobody told me that I really just need to. aside from like, you know, if you're gonna breastfeed or if you're caring for your child, you need to sit down and do nothing. And for me, especially because I'm a working woman I came from the corporate world, tech. I have so much. I have a vast background of being busy. No one ever told me until I met my doula and she was like no, sis, relax and do nothing. And that was the hardest part for me.
Speaker 1:And the sad thing is that we even had to say no, it's unrealistic, because we're working moms or what have you Like it should be realistic. I think there's just this association if you're not doing something, even after having a baby, you're lazy Like you could be doing something. That shouldn't stop. No show, like you gotta keep going. That is like It's hard because there's so many voices Like they're not even literally in the room, but so many voices in it.
Speaker 3:I agree. I think it's hard sometimes because we we want to like almost prove that oh, we can bounce back really quick. Stat back, yeah, triggered Yeah.
Speaker 1:I was working while giving birth and like that. That was like a cool story.
Speaker 3:Like you are here, like my father doing an ittle like I worked.
Speaker 1:I used to be an agent for celebrity glam artists and I was like coordinating something like a trip or whatever, and so I'm doing that while I'm and it's just like, oh, that's so cool that you can do that all, but like, why is that revered?
Speaker 2:Yeah, why There's no trophy in heaven for us. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Why is it not enough to bake a whole baby and give birth and deliver, stay and take care of it? Because, as black women, that's such a huge?
Speaker 2:risk for us, right? Even whether you're doing it at home, in a hospital, a birthing center. It's like I saw a quote not too long ago and it said giving birth is the closest you'll ever be to death. Yes, and that really hit home for me, just thinking of it's miraculous Right. So the fact that we're even doing that, it should be good enough. Yes, it should be, I agree.
Speaker 3:I agree, you said something. You said the snapback is a trigger word. So I do want to ask you about, like, the relationship with your body. So, being a first time mom, i like, i feel like it's such a shock. You know, yes, between internally and like externally. Body wise, yes, what is that like now for you, especially with you being in fashion, like your? your main content is like style, style, clothes, trying on jeans, yes, All the triggers for new moms.
Speaker 2:For me, i had to learn to like let your old body go, it's okay, like RIP, let it die out. If you get back to it, awesome kudos to you. But embrace the new body, sis, it's a miracle, like your body performed a miracle. Yeah, and I had to stop stressing over. I need to get back to my old clothes size girl. Buy them big jeans, go up two sizes, you know. Get the bigger bra and start styling your body and learning your new angles. Right, because it's all about the angles. Learn how to dress, learn how the new clothes will flatter your body and do some research, because you hear now there you go and hopefully you know, if you want to, you can get.
Speaker 1:you know work to get back to it, but you hear now, so enjoy, yes, and have fun with it.
Speaker 2:I think as women we're so stressed about. I got to get to my pre post part in body but you know, embrace your new curves, girl, like go put on a little silk dress. You know, like fine, different, like I'm a flowy pants kind of girl that compliments anybody's height. So I learned to just have fun trying to dress my new body up and honestly, usually people can't tell the difference you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:It's usually us picking apart ourselves, my husband's, like what are you talking about?
Speaker 2:you're the same size, i'm like no, i'm not, yeah, but. I think that we're just our biggest critics, naturally. So just learning to again brace your new body and look at yourself as a whole superhero, because you did that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, i feel like I used to do that all the time, like I would be like, okay, um well, i don't look like my old self, so I would then just hide myself in my clothes. You know what I'm saying? and so then we end up in that like frumpy oh, i mean, we love it all black.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we love it all black.
Speaker 3:I mean I love it all black but um, you know, because you're so focused on that pre-body, then you find yourself like never getting out of the yoga pants and the big shirt.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a slippery slope down to just sitting at home, the body image and just comfortability because you're with the baby most of the time. So it's like this just makes sense, yeah. And then you find yourself in your maternity clothes yeah, after baby, way longer than you were supposed to.
Speaker 1:And then your hubby's like you still yeah, absolutely you're absolutely right um, you mentioned you were a pk, so like, how did your style evolve? because it's like, i'm sure there's x. But I remember when I like got active in church, it wasn't until like my 30s, but I was like, oh, i had just found myself, and then I get to the church. I'm like, oh, now I feel like I can't be myself, like at that time I just had my son. Well, it was before that, but he made my breasts a lot bigger so I felt like I had to cover up, and then you kind of like you know, evolved from that.
Speaker 1:So for me, it was.
Speaker 2:I think I'm still struggling with it to this day. You'd be surprised. You look at my instagram or my tiktok, you're like, oh, she'd be outside with it um, my parents. I was blessed to have them move that. Uh, they moved down to Texas from Virginia, so my parents live down the street now, right, oh amazing.
Speaker 2:Yes, shout out to them because it takes a village right, oh man. And to this day, like when my husband and I, because you know, again, he likes to see some skin so to this day when I'm getting dressed, and I know, because you know, the parents are the babysitter, so they'll come over and watch Gigi y'all to this day. I'm like inching down the stairs like I have to go grab some shoes from upstairs. I'm coming down like hey, dad, i'm running, yeah. And my husband's like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:I'm like yeah, i'm daddy's little girl like before a pastor like pk. Yeah, i'm a daddy's girl down you know, i'm saying so for me. I just never wanted to disappoint my father, like my mom should be all right but my dad like we're like this and I just always wanted to just be.
Speaker 2:You know his world and you know he looks at me. He just he's so proud of his only girl but I have to learn to let that go and I'm still battling with it to this day. Um, but I think, becoming a parent myself, all the misconceptions and just like the convictions I had about being a pk, now that I'm a parent, there is nothing my daughter can do that to him that will make me love her less.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, like yeah, you know, having those thoughts, you want your dad to feel these ways and I'm like I'm sure in his mind, or you know, if he comes to you he's like I do, yeah, yeah, there's a misconception we have absolutely so.
Speaker 2:Now that I'm a mom, i'm realizing I don't have to be so uptight and I can be my true self around my father and knowing that there's nothing I can do. I mean he'll. If something goes wrong, he'll probably help me hide the body. I mean he's he's a rider.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying, like my, daddy is a rider died, just like I am for for my child and I think now, stepping into parenthood, i'm just starting to see things differently, i'm starting to loose up a little bit more and I'm just excited for the future, like feels good, yes, and you talk about your husband and you also.
Speaker 3:You guys both do like content together and all the things. I just love seeing you guys, thank you how your dynamic works. How has that been with the baby too? because, like, marriage sometimes can kind of like plummet a little bit and you know shits, because you are trying to take care of the baby and trying to like find yourself, get yourself. You know how has that dynamic been that's a good question.
Speaker 2:So, believe it or not, if it wasn't for my husband, i'm gonna get emotional.
Speaker 2:Um it's okay if it wasn't for my husband, i wouldn't even be sitting here with y'all. He's the one that saw me as this content creator influencer. I took it as a joke like what me? because when we met I was working in the public school system. You know, i'm like I love my students, i don't want to leave my job. He's like Look at them, kids, you need that, i'll give you some kids. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:And so thankfully, you know thankfully, years later, looking back over our trajectory together, it just meshed so well thanks to alignment between us, because we're lifestyle content creators. So it flows so seamless. Like I'm creating content inspiring moms to get dolled up, get dressed up for themselves, and then afterwards, after I film my content, we go on our date night And then he's catching my angles for me. And if we're doing something with Gigi, like all those mommy and me style video, jossi, he's the one in the background making her laugh Like she actually hates. I don't know, she's my child, she might be his child, because she doesn't like getting dressed, she likes to just run around in her diaper.
Speaker 2:So, she hates putting on clothes. She hates getting dressed. So he is just the biggest support system. Whether I'm filming with Gigi, whether I'm filming you're ready with me He's always right there. I just thank God for him because I don't think I know I could not do this without him. I just couldn't. We're purpose partners And I'm so thankful for that.
Speaker 1:What was the biggest shift, though? because, outside of the career aspect, though, because babies do change your life, it does change your marriage, for better and for worse. What shifts did you face?
Speaker 2:That's a good question.
Speaker 1:What would you tell a new mom when she has a baby? like do this for your marriage, so you guys can stay tight.
Speaker 2:Oh baby, y'all need to set some alone time, Whether it doesn't have to be a dramatic trip or extravagant date night. It could literally be when the baby goes down. Order your favorite takeout, throw down a blanket, make a little TP, take it back to the basics. Throw on your favorite show or not, depending on what you got going on. You can't watch you.
Speaker 1:Yes Or put on a show You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:You want to make sure that your marriage comes first, still watching Hello. And I think that remember that debate. I think it was a couple of years ago. It was going around like who comes first the mama, your mama, his mama, the baby or you. And I just can't stand that. Not even a question.
Speaker 3:Come on.
Speaker 2:Your marriage has to be at the forefront because everything else will flow after that, Because Y'all kids are going to grow up and grow up and they're going to leave and find their own spouse. They'll go off and live happy lives. So when you're left with an emptiness, you don't want to turn and look at your partner like, well, what you doing, What you doing.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying. You need to preserve that bond, so you have to be more purposeful about all of that stuff Absolutely. Because you can't just look over at each other now and say let's go.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Make sure that you are being intentional And do nice things for each other. Like, my husband hates surprises, but he knows I love surprises So he's always surprised at me. Sometimes he'll just text me I'm busy And he'll be like be ready by 5. And I'm like OK, what level? Like one is casual, We might be doing paintball And like a 10 is put it on.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:So he'll be like level 9. You know what I'm saying. So y'all got your little system. So I love that we have prioritized each other And it shows Like when people around us they're just so confused. Like how do y'all do this? Because he's Mr, put That On too, he gets dressed too. So how do y'all make the time Like, because it's our priority? We prioritize each other And because of that, gigi is very well taken care of.
Speaker 3:You know, yeah, i always say I never want to like go so hard for the kids that when I like when they move out, i look up And I look at you know Rivers And I'm like who are?
Speaker 1:you What are?
Speaker 3:you doing here? I don't know anything about you Because at that point we've both grown, We've both done things And I don't take the time to make sure that I'm loving on my husband and, you know, getting to know him as he grows.
Speaker 2:That part.
Speaker 3:Then I'm not going to know him when it's time for them kids to be out. They're just tenants, they're not. Ooh, i like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they break that down.
Speaker 1:They're just a Gigi tenant, that's why we travel a lot for work And everybody's like did you bring the kids, Did you bring the kids? And I'm like, no, that's my vacation from the kids.
Speaker 1:Like this is our time because we have to work a lot, and so it's like during that time we fit in our time too. If we had the kids too, it's like I would just be even more absent And then that would create distance or what have you. And I think there will be an age where I will, because I do want them to see things and learn things. Absolutely. I'm like right now. that's my getaway time. My kids are homeschooled. They're at home all the time. I see them a lot 24 seconds.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I see them a lot So it's like you know we need that break and just being purposeful in that way too, thank you Y'all dropping gins.
Speaker 2:I hope everyone is listening. Yeah, break that down. I love that These kids are tenants. Yeah, that's her No really.
Speaker 3:One of the other things that I really love that you have done in the past is in your content. you have done a lot of things you would say to your younger self Yes, it's a whole series on that And you have a whole series on it, And I think it's really, really important specifically for new moms and just younger people who follow us, because I think sometimes we forget about them a little bit. We're talking to our equals.
Speaker 3:The millennial moms, You know we talk to the millennials, but there are so many women that are coming up from behind us. Absolutely, especially when we all have daughters, and so I always think about them when I'm talking and when I'm doing content or whatever it is, because I mean, my daughter's friends follow me.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, they pop cool moms. Yeah, i'm the cool mom, that's the goal, yeah.
Speaker 3:But I think it's really important to have these conversations, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Because they're watching it.
Speaker 3:They're seeing it. Can you give us a little bit of some of those things? What would you say to your younger self?
Speaker 2:Absolutely So. Let me give you the foundation of why I started the series because I struggled a lot with forgiving myself for things I just didn't know. I used to beat myself up a lot, whether it was in my early 20s, like messing up my credit or dating guys that weren't worthy of my time, not advocating for myself on the job. These are the things that I would go back and tell myself And just make sure that you're always continuing to put yourself first.
Speaker 2:A lot of black women we struggle with pleasing everybody And it's like we're groomed to do that at a very young age. We're groomed to be that strong black woman And it's very triggering to me when I see because I was a college counselor with high school kids And I would just see them trying to balance so much I'm like yo, you're 15. Relax, you should just be looking forward to prom and your extracurriculars. Why are you out here trying to take care of your siblings? Check on your mom and them and do your homework. I would see it And I'm like, wow, these kids are struggling with things I didn't even realize I struggled with too.
Speaker 3:That is so true. And I just thought about it because I just had a conversation with my daughter about it And she's 11. And I noticed her stress levels are so high And I asked her I'm like what is going on? And she was like sometimes I'm helping my siblings And I'm like, oh, i'm so sorry You take on these things that, like Nobody actually asked me to, i didn't even ask you to take on, but it is innate in us It is, and I realized that because I see you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i was just about to say that They probably have seen you girl, you just like this all day. You're juggling things, I know Sometimes.
Speaker 1:My noble came up to me and said Mommy, you do everything, thank you so much. And she's like and daddy, he's upstairs working, but he can be helpful sometimes. But it's like, wow, it sounds like a compliment, but then it's kind of a scary thing, it is.
Speaker 2:It's something we need to take notice of And that's why I'm so adamant about, again, the series of giving my younger self-advice and the whole self-care mantra that I always do, because I don't want Genesis. That's my baby girl. I don't want her to grow up And the first thing she thinks of is mom was such a tough cookie, a hard worker No. Because I'm sorry, but other races they don't go through that You should have a soft life girl, Yes Soft.
Speaker 1:I love it too, because why is?
Speaker 2:the Black woman, soft like I love it.
Speaker 1:I said why does it need to have a name? Yeah, Why is it taking up social media? What can it?
Speaker 2:just be. It should just be. The sky is blue. We deserve You know what I'm saying The sky is blue and we deserve.
Speaker 3:I love that so much. I love that so much.
Speaker 2:But I love platforms like this. You are doing an amazing job. It's our chance to change the narrative, and I think that if our ancestors could come back and just see a little sprinkle of what we were doing, they would just be so proud. So that's what drove me to create this series. And back to your original question if I could give advice to my younger self, it would be censored in. put yourself first and everything else will follow. You don't have to have your hands in every pot. You need to learn to delegate, even at 15, 16 years old. if you can get a tutor, if you can you know what I'm saying If you can in the group projects I'm pretty sure y'all were like that too.
Speaker 3:I'll do a teacher.
Speaker 2:Even down to those little things a science project or being in your extracurriculars. You don't have to be the face of everything. You don't have to volunteer.
Speaker 3:That's so good, you don't have to volunteer.
Speaker 1:You don't have to volunteer. I don't know who we're trying to prove ourselves to, but yeah, it's just a natural thing Because I think about it. the group is like I want to prove I can do it. Like, oh, i'm the black girl in the group. or I'm the girl in the group Like, oh, let me show.
Speaker 3:And that honestly continues because I think about the guilt sometimes that I have when they send out the like PTA type stuff or the room.
Speaker 2:I'm being honest.
Speaker 3:I think there are seasons for it, like I. Honestly, there are times where I'm like, yeah, it sounds good, but for real, for real, no, i don't want to do it. Get somebody else to do that because I don't have it. But it's in us to want to be like oh yeah, pick me, i'll bring all the snacks, i'll bring all the little things Carpool.
Speaker 3:Yeah, i'll do the carpool, I'll pick up everybody's kids. No, it's also OK to say like that's not in my like season or basket right now. But that starts where you just said like volunteering to do the lead, the group project and all those things it carries on to volunteering to be the room mom. Yeah, i'm going to be able to do that sometimes, but this is not a lifelong thing for me.
Speaker 2:Thank you for saying that. I want to piggyback off of that. I want to encourage mamas out there women period, but especially mamas. You actually don't need a reason to say no.
Speaker 1:No, it's a complete sentence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a period behind it. No is like the shortest verb of all time, right? No, is that a verb? I don't know, lord, my English teacher watching this.
Speaker 1:You understand? Yeah, i get it. It's a command right.
Speaker 2:So I think that for me and I'm sure y'all struggle with this as well it's like oh, let me check my calendar, And if we see an empty spot, we automatically think, oh, we can do it but no.
Speaker 1:Or we say yes without checking the calendar and just fill the day Yeah, but you don't need a reason.
Speaker 2:If you just want to rest, sis, that is still productive. Getting your rest and laying around, like I told you earlier, sometimes I do absolutely nothing. That's how you recharge and you set yourself up for success in the future. So I just I thank you for saying that. It's a reminder to me because I haven't gotten to the PTA meeting shot. She's still learning how to walk, but I know it's going to. They always say, it happens overnight.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So when I start getting the notices, the emails, i might just hit them with the no thank you. Yeah, i had to thank you to be kind.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I think the other thing I want to ask you is what would you say to a mom that is in that moment of like hey, i am in that like dark hole, i lost myself, i am not getting dressed like I want to, i don't even know where to start, I don't know how to have like the hot girl summer you know, like we in summer at this point we still got time. But what would you say to that mom?
Speaker 2:I would ask her when's the last time you felt like a bad you know what? when is the last time you felt good about yourself? When's the last time you looked in the mirror and you was like, yes, go back to that, go, put that on. Is it a little black dress sitting in your closet you haven't worn in a while? Is it your favorite pair of shoes? Is it that pop red lipstick that every time you put it on people are just staring at you like go back to that moment. And for some moments sometimes it's like child. I ain't felt like that since prom And that's just realistic. Some women have spent years again just pouring, pouring, and now their cup is empty and they don't know what to do. So your first step is to just sit down and reflect, and sometimes it might be going through old pictures, getting that nostalgic feeling back, and I even encourage moms like go, put on that playlist.
Speaker 2:Like my husband's gonna laugh at this, but I have a men, ain't ish.
Speaker 1:It's really.
Speaker 3:NAS playlist.
Speaker 2:But a men ain't ish playlist. And it's nothing towards him, but back in my single days when I was getting ready to go out. I would throw that playlist on and be like no, i'm the one Like all the good songs, And sometimes I do that to this day And I have a. You feel it right, yes.
Speaker 2:He's a good man, savannah, he's a good man. He's a good man. But sometimes I just have to go into that persona and I want that for women, like we all had that other side of us that ain't got no kids, ain't got no men. She just want to go out and have her calamari and her cocktail.
Speaker 1:Yes, like channel that I felt that I was yes. Yeah, good time, i'll tell you about that girl. We did, we did And I think, to your point, i was 20 again.
Speaker 3:Yes, every mom deserves every woman Every woman deserves to have one of those nights. I don't care what type of platform you are on. Make sure you get your group, that everybody is good.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:Everybody deserves to have one of those nights, one of those weekends Where you become a female rapper?
Speaker 1:Yeah, where you come on.
Speaker 2:You know all the lyrics.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you go on top of the sofa, whatever it looks like You are doing all the things and you just have the time of your life. Yes, like I want every woman to experience that at least once. I didn't even know I needed it Once of course, yeah, that's the thing we always like I think sometimes we get too dignified, yeah, i just need to be at home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I need to like do this and modest and all this stuff And I get it.
Speaker 3:I'm a whole pastor's wife, i understand, so it probably sounds crazy that I'm even saying it, but every once in a while you've got to let your hair down.
Speaker 2:Hey man, throw it up, you sweating. Throw it up. Throw it up, get the bun.
Speaker 3:Absolutely Seriously. I think that's. I love that you said that and I think that it's a good encouragement. We still. I've been saying this thing like I'm trying to get out of the hot mom summer thing. I'm like this is prime time There we go. I feel like hot girl summer stuff to like teenage, but like we're in our 30s and mom, so it's prom time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i'm like that. I'm right there now. I like that.
Speaker 1:So, when you found out you were coming to join us at moms, actually what came to your mind? that you wanted to make sure, like your followers or the people who watched moms actually like, knew, like I'm sure, because when you find out, you're like, oh, i need to make sure I say this or I want them to know this, like what came to mind, what did you want to make sure you shared?
Speaker 2:I think my first instinct was I got to go. I got to go empower the girls. I got to help them get back, just like we were talking about. I got to help them get back to themselves because, again, i read my comments, i read my DMs. I take my presence on social media very serious And, as I'm going through and engaging with my community, that's just the number one thing that I see.
Speaker 2:Women, like you said, the example that you gave they have lost themselves And that was my first instinct. When I come on here, i'm going to make sure I look good and I'm speaking from the heart And that's my number one mission to empower women through fashion and beauty and self care, because, whether you have a little boy, it's looking up to your little girl. Your kids need that from you, your kids. You don't want your kids to grow up and only remember mommy when she was just busy doing household things, or only remember mommy because she was so stressed. Your kids need the best of you so then they can grow up and be the best version of themselves And that's the number one thing that I am like pushing on my platform right now. Of course, we talk all things marriage, we have jokes and everything, but my core, my nucleus of my platform is to empower women to get right.
Speaker 1:Come on, shout out to my science teacher.
Speaker 2:She's probably watching this right now, i remember some things.
Speaker 1:But the science teacher's going to be happy there.
Speaker 3:Maybe the English one.
Speaker 2:No, the English maybe not, but definitely science. But yes, that's the core of who I am and that's the fuel that I run on And on days when I'm like, oh Lord, I got to turn the camera on because you know it's constant fear.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we don't feel like it.
Speaker 2:That is what pushes me. Of course, my daughter, of course my husband, but more so because I know that there's a woman out there who needs my testimony. I know that there's a girl right now, like you said, who's sitting at home and she's judging her own body, she's being her harshest critic and she doesn't realize, like sis, you are that girl. So that's what helps me to go put that on and get on the camera and do what I do best. So thank y'all so much.
Speaker 3:Well, thank you, thank you so much. Well, you guys, make sure you follow her. She is all the tips she makes. You want to get dressed? Okay, i mean, i be looking, i be at home and she's like you girl. She's like you girl, i do, i'm like thank you, I knew her.
Speaker 1:To you, I mean like you're like you're like you're welcome.
Speaker 3:It's crazy because like it pushes me too, like sometimes I don't get dressed until the weekends. So, but it makes me be like maybe I should just get cute, you know, and walk around the house. So I appreciate you for being here, thank you for having me, thank you, guys, so much for watching.
Speaker 1:Get dressed after watching this. Get dressed. Don't put it on. Put it on your closet right now. Find out your cute outfit, your cute clothes.
Speaker 2:Show me something, yes.
Speaker 1:And tag us Yes, yes, and even if you just wear it in the house, just put it on, get it.
Speaker 2:Go, get in front of the mirror and dance, yes. Or a little adult beverage, yes, on your song.
Speaker 1:Your playlist.
Speaker 3:Yes, your playlist, your playlist. Make the playlist. It's prime time. So thank you guys, so much for joining.
Speaker 1:I hope you enjoyed season three.
Speaker 3:Season three.
Speaker 1:It's a wrap, it's a wrap, it's a wrap. We'll see you for season four, because we're not going nowhere.
Speaker 3:We're not going nowhere. Thank you, guys, so much.
Speaker 1:But we're going to take a break.
Speaker 3:We're going to rest? Yes, si Si Si Hi. Si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si, si Si.