Ever watched celebrities read funny tweets and thought, 'We should do that too?' In this Time Out, we found the funniest, most relatable parenting tweets from both moms and dads! 😂 Join us for our signature mom commentary and let us know what you think.
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Ever watched celebrities read funny tweets and thought, 'We should do that too?' In this Time Out, we found the funniest, most relatable parenting tweets from both moms and dads! 😂 Join us for our signature mom commentary and let us know what you think.
★ New Episodes are released on Thursdays on YouTube and Podcast Platforms.
★ Did You Like What You Heard? Please Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe!
★ Interested in advertising? Email: heyma@momsactually.com
Want to Watch?
Follow Us on Instagram
Shop the Merch
Join our Facebook Community
Kids. Let me talk in their face before I brush my teeth and they don't complain about my breath, so I'm like their butt has to sink for a kid to say something. Kids don't randomly like. They're most honest, honest, so I think you need to get some like booty cream, some whatever Booty cream yeah they got stuff that like like deodorant for your butt. Yeah, what yeah. So at L Lauder, l L Lauder, I don't know, said today I work from home, rant this already. Just must be a dad.
Speaker 1:Okay, today I work from home rant in miles, homeschooled my kids, cleaned the house, made a delicious dinner and got my kids in bed early. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you lie. I was like talking about mom's shame and I was like, yeah. I was like, wow, what time do you wake up? Did you see my name?
Speaker 2:I got these on my face and I was like I thought it must be a dad. I was like what, how are you doing all of this? Teach me, I'm not saying that. You are mom's actually, yeah.
Speaker 1:You do it.
Speaker 2:Mom's actually get a lot done. Man, who is this Okay, All right At? Amy Dillon says not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.
Speaker 1:Oh, he's crazy in the criminal, the pick the lock one for sure, I feel like locking the doors is normal.
Speaker 2:Honestly, you need both you need both, you need the one? Well, I don't know. I don't know if you need both, because it sounds like she just I'll be happy to have the one that picked the lock, but it makes me nervous for the future.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the one who locked her out. She's not going to be surprised when the police knock on her. Okay At Stay At Homies, said. My three-year-old wakes me up way too early each morning by singing, so it's like a Disney princess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my son does it, oh, prince.
Speaker 1:So this morning I woke up early? Oh no, so this morning I woke up early, went into his room and started singing to show him how much it sucks. Then we had to do it, and my point was Because we're three-year-olds. This was absolutely happy.
Speaker 2:Four of me like okay, what are?
Speaker 1:we singing now. I do that to like a 16-year-old.
Speaker 2:Like remember when you were three? Like here you go, Like that's when you do it, and my point was Right. Man, At Lizzer Real I hope I'm saying that right I pointed out a fire truck to my co-worker on our drive and I think I need to spend time less of my children. That is a fact, you know. That's all. That's what we're all about is you know we love the kids but spend less time because now, you don't know, because. I can't.
Speaker 1:What I count, those big trucks now, like the 16, whatever 18-year-olds cause my kids count them, so I count them without them now. Okay, I'm like we're at 120. Just so y'all know, you did that on our road trip. No, no, I think of that when I see them up and no one's ever at Like.
Speaker 2:I didn't hear you. I didn't hear you count. If you were doing that in your head, then my god.
Speaker 1:So, elemy Gordon, okay, the eight-year-old distra I can't say that word. The eight-year-old disrupted my sleep again, so I texted my mom at 2 am To ask when it stops. Never, that's the point. Ever, this stops weird, when your mom doesn't answer the phone or text you back.
Speaker 2:You know what yes and no.
Speaker 1:I.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess, when she, when she goes days, I'm like Excuse me.
Speaker 1:What are you doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so.
Speaker 1:I'll call her. I text I expect like an answer in two minutes, immediately. What else could you be doing immediately? E?
Speaker 2:I don't care that. I'm grown with a hair. Let's see where we at, where we at, where we at. Let's see oh, I hide from my kids great name. I burst my, my, my birth, my kid, faster than she could put on shoes. What? I don't, I don't like it, my kid faster than she could put on shoes.
Speaker 1:This is who put on kid like the mom like did the baby come out before she could put on shoes?
Speaker 2:I burst my kid Faster than oh, it's very slow oh.
Speaker 1:Oh no.
Speaker 2:I get it yes. Is that what that means?
Speaker 1:her birth probably took like the birth probably took like 20 hours and she's saying her kid takes 22 hours.
Speaker 2:Oh, kids putting on.
Speaker 1:You actually help me figure it out.
Speaker 2:Got it because it also it is torture. It's absolute, absolutely so. He's like put on your shoes, tire shoes, then we got all the.
Speaker 1:Coffee, but like trying to get a foot in it's awful because they keep their foot the same position no matter what. So you can't get the foot in the shoe. I'm like, help me. I literally tell them help me, help me, you help me man, that was there, we got there. What's next At mama Jesse scene? Oh, good luck robbing my house. My home security system is Legos on the floor.
Speaker 2:That hurts it's also why I don't really buy that type of stuff, because it gets me upset. And then I'm meeting with her. Everything in the trash. You know people be like Trash. I did that.
Speaker 1:Everything Goes every month that clean out, like all their toys, and they're like where did they?
Speaker 2:don't ever ask, they don't know, and they don't even have a Lot they don't ask and that's all I know.
Speaker 1:I'm throwing away the right stuff, the right things, yeah, I just don't buy them. And then here we are. No, it's my turn.
Speaker 2:Yes uh, my four-year-old. At Lottie poppy, I was gonna say poopy.
Speaker 1:I love.
Speaker 2:Lottie poppy said my four-year-old just shot it. I didn't do it, so now I have to get how, now I have to get to what, so now I get to have fun figuring out exactly what she didn't do.
Speaker 1:I remember training when um Taj's sister was at my house and the kids were like all playing together quietly Taj's son and my kids. She was like oh so quiet, so nice.
Speaker 2:As soon as you say that, that's when you know it's wrong.
Speaker 1:They had like found something that my teacher left open and it was like like foam or something all over the place.
Speaker 2:No yeah, I was like you haven't watched enough TV that you at least like, even if you don't have your own kids. You know, I know, when it's quiet, then there's something going down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's not right. Yeah, they didn't do it. That would be noble, for sure, noble.
Speaker 2:I didn't do it, do what.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then she'd be freaking out. That's why we have an old story.
Speaker 2:No, my son does that Like. If he knows he did something wrong, he'll come downstairs, it's like preemptive.
Speaker 1:I'm like what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2:What is wrong with you?
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I don't know, I'm like that's not a little gaslighter? Yeah, a little gaslighter. That's what I'm talking about Drunk little gaslighter.
Speaker 2:Someone said that once. Like if you look at little kids like like drunk adults, like drunk toddlers yeah, absolutely, I'm gonna rouse and random things, okay.
Speaker 1:At real life, mommy three, I would. Oh, the follow was from Twitter.
Speaker 2:I was like follow I.
Speaker 1:Okay, I would like to officially apologize to my toddler for cutting her left pancake before I cut her right pancake. I don't know what I was thinking.
Speaker 2:I Feel that in my soul, no idea what I was thinking. My goodness Cutting the crust off on accident. That, even though you asked, and now it's just it's not.
Speaker 1:It's too much like having PTSD you're like Put the syrup on wrong. I broke the French toast to her, like it's just cut the wrong way, cut it the wrong way, so try and go another square, oh yes.
Speaker 2:Because what, what is wrong with you kids?
Speaker 1:And then they're only specific with certain people. Oh yeah, you know, it's like what are you talking about? You have to do the syrup, like you just pour it on. Yeah, I was like. No, I have to like Pour on all of the things and then I have to put a little puddle in the, so she can also know little little.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just for me, that's what they are yes and then we grew up to be.
Speaker 1:Great human beings.
Speaker 2:Yes, let's see what it is At octopus cave. Ma man, octopus, I thought well that would have been a good one, octopus cave mom. Oh yeah, so maybe this is like yeah, but it's octopus cave man having a tough day. My kid told me I have the stinkiest butt on the planet earth. And he's just a little kid, but if he's right, that's the mistake.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but definitely stinks, but definitely stinks because my kids let me talk in their face before I brush my teeth and they don't complain about my breath. So I'm like your butt has to sink for a kid to say something. Kids don't randomly like they are the most honest, honest, so I think you need to get some like booty cream, some whatever Booty cream. Yeah, they got stuff that like deodorant for your butt. Yeah, what.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:If you have to get deodorant.
Speaker 2:I have deodorant for my butt. Deodorant for your butt? Yeah, because why do I want to?
Speaker 1:it's not that my butt like stuff comes up, Like you want to keep yourself fresh all the time. So how do you do it?
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, wait, there's like a cream.
Speaker 1:Well, there's some that's like I think actually that.
Speaker 2:But there's like a cream that keeps your butt, so you spread your cheeks so you don't get any moisture in there. Okay, I see that.
Speaker 1:It keeps it like fresh, like a um decedent?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess Adults. Whatever, that is sure you know like a butt paste, like I can change the diaper, but that's for like, so you don't get on A rash. Yeah, it's not for that.
Speaker 1:It's just like saying why would you put on deodorant? It's not that you know, Because you sweat there. You don't think your butt ever stinks you just think your butt smells like flowers all the time.
Speaker 2:Man, I just didn't know.
Speaker 1:I didn't know, I feel like you just got to wash. You do wash, but then the whole like you're out for eight hours. Oh yeah, then you take a shower, but your butt has stunk for eight hours.
Speaker 2:Like for me, it's not so. Anybody can smell my butt.
Speaker 1:It's like I feel fresh all day.
Speaker 2:I feel fresh all day. Okay, you gotta show me the butt deal Cause. Wow, okay Is your girl.
Speaker 1:Yes, okay, tweet. We just want to say tweet. Okay, what's seven, I guess seven year old Mom. What's chicken? Made of Me Chicken, oh no, seven, seven year old.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Are we made of chicken? Me? No, seven year old. How about our dog Me? What application.
Speaker 2:What, what? This is slowly, like, nevermind, like everybody's just made of chicken.
Speaker 1:I don't think they like realize. Like the little chicken is like what they're eating. Like they don't realize they're eating a chicken. Yeah, I don't think. So I try to let my kids know, like you're eating a pig.
Speaker 2:Oh, I see what you're saying, like this is a chicken, this is a cow that you're eating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you know how like when kids are young to well, at least for me, to make them eat new things, I'll just call everything chicken Like you're eating chicken.
Speaker 2:Oh really, yeah, I don't want to explain like Deciding and then you decide that you don't like like burgers because it sounds weird yeah.
Speaker 1:If I said oxtail she wouldn't have tried it. So afterwards I let her know it's oxtail and she's like, but before I'm like it's like chicken is chicken Like, it's fine. So I think that's why they give me.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna get a gas lighter. Yeah, we just grow up into that Gives you great mom's let's see Okay At Dadman walking says most often it's cute when kids have alternative names for things. I love her. My eight year old calling Taco Bell cinnamon delights creamy balls confirms that we are out of the cute renaming things.
Speaker 1:That's a long title, no-transcript. Or cinnamon ice creamy ball. I thought it was like no cinnamon lights from Taco Bell. Okay, like, oh, now I want creamy balls.
Speaker 2:I don't eat Taco Bell, but I used to.
Speaker 1:I used to go In college I had the nachos bell brown grande. I don't like cheese sauce.
Speaker 2:I like cheese. I love cheese sauce.
Speaker 1:Cheese sauce is like a little meat. What's? What's the stuff that people make it like parties, the Rotel.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's good. That's good. Now I'll eat that.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're human.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was like the cheese, the cheese sauce, like that's on fries instead of melted cheese.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, you know what I mean. You're like I want some real cheese. Yes, okay, okay, I mean, you know I mean.
Speaker 2:I get, yes, but this is like different. Yeah, it's different.
Speaker 1:I was like is it real cheese and real cheese? Yeah, okay, at mary fairy bobbery. That was twitter names. Be crazy, man. One of the most rewarding parts of parenthood Is when your child is finally old enough to have deep and meaningful conversations with you like mom. Oh man, mom, Do you know why your makeup always looks so crusty? Yeah, they tell the truth, though.
Speaker 2:They tell the that's the thing, if that's why I keep her letting me know a lot of times, if I'm getting dressed, I'll ask my kids yeah, does this look right? Because they're gonna tell me, yeah, then rivers might lie to me. Yeah, leila, she's gonna be like take it off.
Speaker 1:It's, it's take it off. I don't know I get the truth and not sometimes like noble. So in love she's just like, you're just so beautiful.
Speaker 2:So beautiful, because I think it's how I talk to her all the time, so I don't know if I really get it, unless I did something crazy but she'll let me know if something's on my face or something. Yes, no, I really love. Okay at Lane gordon, I am gordon, I'm me, I'm me, gordon whatever names.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:There are four little girls fighting in my house right now because they all want to play family. But nobody wants me to be want, nobody wants to be the mom. I've never felt so.
Speaker 1:My noble always says you do everything, you do everything.
Speaker 2:I do not want to be the mom.
Speaker 1:I don't, I don't want not me not me, not, me no.
Speaker 2:First person because I'm not being the mom. Oh, that's it. Wow, that was good, chinks, that was really good. That was really good. Well, guys, if you have more insane Things that you have seen from the internet, that people are saying, or maybe you have a good story from your toddler gaslighting you, manipulating you or whatever, or just or vice versa just tell it, because sometimes they just are truly telling the truth. Yeah, let us know in the comments below. Yeah, see you soon.