Moms Actually
Moms Actually is a motherhood community that aims to redefine motherhood and break away from the unhealthy expectations society has placed on women.
Our community provides spaces for women to authentically relate to each other in a society that often prioritizes appearances over genuine experiences.
We host a visual podcast that addresses the experiences of womanhood, sisterhood and motherhood through candid and transparent discussions We have discussed a range of topics, including marriage, dating, single motherhood, body image, miscarriage and child loss, blended families, the impact of social media, entrepreneurship, mental health and much more.
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Moms Actually
Season 4 Premiere: How to Find Yourself After Motherhood Ft. Megan Ashley
Raise your hand if you love Megan Ashley! (We have 4 hands raised over here).
Season 4 of Moms Actually is kicking off with Megan Ashley. We got to sit down with Megan a few weeks before she launched her podcast, “In Totality”, and we were able to talk about:
- Motherhood, Judgement and Expectations
- The Impact of Identity on Women
- The Importance of Self-Care for Happiness
- Time Management and Parenting Reflections
- Balancing Motherhood and Personal Life
- Trusting God During Challenging Times
- Encouragement for Mothers
This episode truly honors the resilience and grace that women carry. If you want to feel seen and valued, listen in - this is truly a testament to the power of faith.
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God said what was that? You rejected the very thing that I gave you because it didn't come in the form that you asked for. What's up, hey Mom? What's?
Speaker 2:up. Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up. Hey Mom, welcome to Mom's. Actually, my name is Morgan and I'm Blair and we have Megan Ashley. What, how, I don't know, god, I don't know. I guess this is crazy, but we are so grateful that you are here. Thank you so much for coming to just hang with us.
Speaker 1:Yes, I mean, who wouldn't want to hang out here? I got set up pretty nice, pretty nice. It's a little bit Very nice.
Speaker 2:Now we want you to introduce yourself. Tell the people I know, the people know who you are. Yeah, but for the one, okay.
Speaker 1:Just you know, my name is Megan Ashley. I am a I guess, a content creator. I am a lover of Christ, I'm a mom and I have some amazing kids, and I am, yeah, I guess my job is to share my journey. Yeah, so that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:I love that. Yeah, well, welcome back. Like I said, we are really excited to just get right into the episode, but we always give you guys a little moment to do something very important. Yes, if you don't know what that very important thing is. I want you to tell them. Blair, Press that button. Subscribe.
Speaker 3:Subscribe.
Speaker 2:Please, yeah, all right.
Speaker 3:Cool.
Speaker 2:Now let's get into some really good conversation. But before we get into the conversation, before we start, just, you know, ask you all the questions again in your business. We like to just do a little bit of something. So these paddles here are here for a reason. They are what, what do?
Speaker 3:we do. We're going to play a little game.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:So that you know we can get comfortable icebreaker kind of thing. So it's called it's giving motherhood.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:And so we're going to ask you some yes or no questions. We are going to ask you some either or questions. The gold is yes for the first option, the white is no or the second option Got it Okay.
Speaker 1:Ready? Yes, right now.
Speaker 3:Got it Okay. Question number one have you ever felt judged for your parenting style?
Speaker 1:Oh, for sure.
Speaker 3:Oh, for sure, 100%.
Speaker 1:Like does every Probably yes.
Speaker 3:But it's like, always for different reasons, which is why nobody? Can win. Like I travel a lot, so people will be like you know you never home with your kids or something like that. You never go home all the time. Why don't you go out and get a life Like you?
Speaker 2:can't win. Yeah, I feel like I was judged the most or I felt the more judgment when I was younger. That's going to say for being an almost teen mom yeah, Almost teen mom. So I was 20 when I had Layla and I feel like everybody will always just try to tell me what to do, Like I did, like the simple things that you know mom's. The intuition just kind of kicks in, Even if you don't all the way know what you're doing.
Speaker 2:It was just always like oh you sure, you you know or you better make sure you know you don't have to be like oh I'm going to get out of bed and I'm like guys. I. I know yeah, this is my daughter.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to let her, you know, be out here. It's, it's the, you know, six in one hand, half a dozen another.
Speaker 3:You want the help but you don't want the overbearing yes, opinions.
Speaker 1:And it's like if I ask you for help, give it to me. Yes, if I don't ask, then don't do it to yourself. Please Leave it to yourself. I'm trying.
Speaker 2:Did you always want kids? Yes, yes, no.
Speaker 3:We know your story. Yeah, I was like I'll start with the yeses.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I always wanted kids Ever since I was young. That was like the only or one of the things that my mom said I used to say all the time, like I couldn't wait to be a wife of my mom.
Speaker 2:That's an open.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just always, but I was always good with kids too, ever since at a young age I was always the one that had all the little babies at church, you know, with me.
Speaker 2:So I was like, Did you have a number you knew you wanted like four or five or two, I think when I was young, I wanted to have as many as I could.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then when I got older, because that doesn't mean anything to your body, yeah.
Speaker 2:And that child's like oh, this is what happens when I have kids.
Speaker 1:Because I'm my mom's only child, so I'm just raised like I'm the only child. So I think you're kind of the only child. You kind of always desire a big family big siblings.
Speaker 3:She's like no, I was like. Yeah, no, I was like what I just said.
Speaker 1:yes, you're like, I like this by myself.
Speaker 3:I wasn't the extroverted only like the one who liked to be out around people, but my parents also didn't have friends, so I just grew up in a very like silent like style.
Speaker 1:OK In general. No cousins, no nothing. We had a lot of like, everybody was like. My mom had a lot of friends and they became family.
Speaker 2:You guys were the house. Yeah, you had all the aunties, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like all the you know. So I just always wanted a big family at a young age that makes sense.
Speaker 3:Yeah, ok, you wanted the kids too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I thought I wanted at least four or five, and then I realized quickly. I mean instantly, like as quick as I did not back is how quickly I knew that I did not want that many. For sure, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:And you have. Yours are around the same age, I think, as mine 11, 7 and 5.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I have 13, 10 and 9.
Speaker 1:Yep, and so, when they're little like that, at the same time them two and diapers.
Speaker 2:That's what actually made me potty train my middle quicker. That's what I mean, because as soon as my son came and they were both in there I said, oh no.
Speaker 3:Mine went hooked at the same time. Yeah, we're not doing that, because I wanted my kids close together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got a one-to-one plans too.
Speaker 3:I was like I'll pay for it up front for it.
Speaker 1:Oh, you definitely will pay for it. Yeah, and it was, and it was yeah 100%.
Speaker 3:But no, I didn't want any. I knew how much responsibility it was Like I knew it was going to be work and I didn't want to do it Like think about your only child. I've never had to really consider anybody else. I knew that about myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You're like no, I don't want to. I love that you're self-aware and have to know that yes, very.
Speaker 1:Because, I think naive is the other side.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:You jump into it thinking it's going to be like oh, because it's something I've always wanted. And then it's like, yeah, no.
Speaker 3:I know I'm giving because I want to be.
Speaker 2:When you have kids.
Speaker 3:It's not a choice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's not a choice at all Having to become a morning person.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't. The two things I did not want to take my kids to the bus stop early in the morning, yeah, and I did not want to do car seats in the rain. That makes sense. I was very like, very specific, so you already had that in your mind before you even experienced it.
Speaker 2:You were like I don't want to do that, I don't want to do.
Speaker 1:That I understand and that is motherhood, that's OK, yeah. That's motherhood.
Speaker 3:You have to do a bunch of stuff that you don't want to A bunch of stuff you don't want to but do you feel like because you realized that upfront and made you more prepared going into motherhood.
Speaker 1:Because you already like I feel like you were already assessing out all the things that you didn't want to do.
Speaker 3:I would say the only reason it didn't. So my birth control failed and that's a whole story. And then I think when I had them I had postpartum anxiety, so that kind of threw me off. Otherwise I thought I was prepared for it, only because I'm very analytical and strategic and prepared. So I'm like, oh, I can do this if I do it like this. But then the postpartum anxiety just kind of threw me off and I realized as a person who never needed help.
Speaker 3:I can figure out how to do anything, like I can zip my dress up if I have to I can do all the things. And then I realized, oh, I need help.
Speaker 2:And that was a weird thing to need help.
Speaker 3:It's have to ask for help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially when it's for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I'll help anybody. I identify with that a lot for sure.
Speaker 3:So do you feel like the expectations of mothers are unrealistic? Absolutely, I'm like, is this a question?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like the world forgets that we are women. The world forgets that we are human. Yeah, like point, like a period, but I said woman first, because once you become a mom, it's like you are a mom. It takes away all the other things. We don't have any other issues. And I feel like you say it all the time. You didn't realize your mom was a woman until you were older.
Speaker 3:Have you ever thought about that, like when you were asking for things as a teenager? A little kid like your mom might have been going through it with her best friend or her husband or whatever, yeah. Like I've never considered that until like a year or two ago.
Speaker 1:Until you actually go through things as a woman. I mean, I've been going through stuff before that. And I still didn't think about it. What do you think? What was it that made you?
Speaker 3:I have no Maybe we were, I think, this platform because we're focused more on the women. So I started thinking more about it and I was like man my mom probably- was going through.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And because now she tries to talk to me more and I'm like man you were probably like, and I'm complaining about going to a party.
Speaker 2:And you're like I just fought with my mom or I didn't take the chicken out. Yeah, chicken out the freezer.
Speaker 3:But I realize that's a thing now.
Speaker 2:Oh, it really is.
Speaker 3:No, but I think.
Speaker 2:I shouldn't have took the meat out the freezer. Yeah, but it's awful how society treats us at times. And then even just like even relationships, and there's just so much. Yeah, we get the short end of the stick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that that's a thing that we see a lot is this yearning for identity with women and because when we get married, we lose our last names. When we have kids, we lose our first names. You know what I'm saying, so you, lose your identity.
Speaker 1:I lost my last name, I lose my first name. Who am I now? And I think that people don't consider the impact that just life has on a woman, because there's so much of us that we have to serve all the time in so many capacities, in so many ways, and that identity thing is lost. Yeah, and I think that that's the thing that we're really searching for, that we can't.
Speaker 3:Especially since most of us don't find our identity before marriage and kids Because we're so focused on trying to get married to kids. So you do whatever you have to do and to come wherever you have to become to get the thing that you think you want, and then you have no foundation to rest on when things happen.
Speaker 1:It's like, hey, now I've got to find who I am amongst all this stuff, which is why, when post-partum depression comes in, it's that grounding and reality that you still have to be taken care of. You are still a person and you have to figure out who you are, and it's not predicated on you being a mom and you being a wife, because those things clearly didn't sustain you when you were going through post-partum depression.
Speaker 3:No, I could functionally do things, but I didn't have a grounding in that.
Speaker 1:It didn't give you the solution. It wasn't the medicine to fix it. Exactly. Obviously, you love your family Because, as moms, we can get on the soapbox.
Speaker 3:So do you even like your kids? Yeah, you got to go with them, but I love my kids. It's like you have to say that a lot less.
Speaker 1:Because, people will look at you like, but it's like how we will get anywhere if we're not being honest with them.
Speaker 2:Right, and that is, I think that's what made me talk so much about self-care now because of the fact that when I went through post-partum depression so bad I realized I was like none of that low, cute stuff works. I have to look within and figure out what is going, because a lot of the times the depression and all that stuff that does happen post-partum is already a thing.
Speaker 1:Whether or not you tag on anxiety or a person on top of it, it's already a thing.
Speaker 2:So once I realized that and all these things were coming up, I was like, OK, I need to deal with these things and it's going to take more than a massage and nine times out of 10, it has nothing to do with your children.
Speaker 1:No, oh no, it's like. All the stuff that you avoided leading to this point is now the thing that you have to like. You can't escape you, and I think that that's the thing that I would want moms to know, or people to know in general. You can't escape you. You're always going to find yourself.
Speaker 2:Look at you jumping ahead.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, no, no, you go, but I'm just like that is a thing that I'm like, and maybe because I'm in this season, so y'all are getting a real Raw version of me.
Speaker 2:That's what we're here for, so you're getting a real.
Speaker 1:Raw version of me, but it's like you can't escape you, no matter where you turn you will always find yourself.
Speaker 3:You can fake it for everybody else.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. And so if you don't address those things, it's a rude awakening. It's a rude awakening and then you realize, like, did I go after these things with the purest intent? Yeah, that's true. Now I'm a mom and I'm a wife and I'm not happy.
Speaker 3:That's right, and you know how, when you're young, everybody tells you enjoy your single season.
Speaker 2:You're like yeah, yeah, yeah, but now we get it Listen.
Speaker 3:It's like enjoy your single season.
Speaker 1:Like enjoy it, Not only just enjoy it but take it, be a good steward over your season, yes, over your life, because you are going to find yourself in a position that you haven't even prepared yourself to be. Yeah, at all. You so busy wanting to be a wife and a mom and you have done nothing, nothing.
Speaker 3:To address you Nothing. And you wonder why you're not happy. Got all the things you were chasing you supposed to come in whole Think about what you like.
Speaker 2:Think about what you like. No.
Speaker 1:That whole. You complete me. No, that whole, you might better have no Recipe for failure.
Speaker 2:No, because what happens, not even if it's a person, she's like you want it, I have to give up. Not if it's a person leaves you, but if the person it becomes sick and becomes a vegetable, then what? Then what? Then what? Now you've got to be a caretaker and you're taking care of the person that you needed the most.
Speaker 3:That's true and people change, Like in seasons. In marriage you're not the same people. So whatever they gave you in the first two years, they might not give you in the next two years.
Speaker 1:So you're leaving yourself open to be filled completely by somebody who has every possibility of changing. Yeah, like people don't. I tell people this all the time because I've been married and I'm no longer married. So I feel like when you go through a divorce, you kind of have some wisdom that other people don't have right, and I think that it's extremely important to know that when you are saying yes to somebody I'm going to get married to somebody that you are saying yes to the possibilities of a person.
Speaker 1:I am not just saying yes to who you are right now, I'm saying yes to who you could possibly be. And not only am I saying yes to you and your possibilities, but I'm saying that I'm going to commit myself to you through all of those possibilities. And we don't take that in consideration, which is why you see divorce happen like this.
Speaker 3:Oh no, I tell people marry them, assuming they'll never change.
Speaker 1:Assume they and soon nothing will get better.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the worst thing about them. Imagine it's going to stay, because we are like, oh, wouldn't we get married? Or when they get a little bit like we put all these expectations and then they're the same person and disappointed.
Speaker 1:Or women, and I've been guilty of this too. I'll say this I am going to just say I've been guilty of it, but like wanting to be married so bad, or wanting that thing so bad, wanting the baby so bad, wanting the marriage so bad, or whatever, that you're willing to become not your authentic self to gain those things.
Speaker 3:So then, when your authentic self shows up, and what you got, Now you're the crazy one, you crazy that's why, I say show your crazy up, friend, don't be the cool girl. Go to Vegas. Boo, it's okay, have fun, do this Like we are so malleable and flexible so that someone will love us, or like us and then eventually you got to be yourself or whoever your fallback is, because most of the time we don't know who we are.
Speaker 1:Well, you have to also ask yourself do I like me? Yeah, Do I even like myself?
Speaker 2:And we don't always like myself and I say I get on my last nerve.
Speaker 1:On a regular, I am on my own nerves all the time. What is going on? So I get you know what I'm saying Until I get on my nerves.
Speaker 2:So I can only imagine the people in my life.
Speaker 1:If I were to ever get married again, I would never enter in that space without fully knowing who I am and fully having an identity of making Not making as a mom, not making as a content person, not making as a whatever. Who am I Just on my own? Do I even like myself? Do I even like? Do I respect myself? Do I respect my decisions? I think would save, and addressing those questions would save, a lot of people from a lot of heartache.
Speaker 3:Okay, do you take time for self care that isn't tied to regular life maintenance, like your nails maintenance, showers maintenance, some massage maintenance?
Speaker 1:And I'm going to be honest because I actually saw something about that not too long ago, when they were like self care is not taking a shower.
Speaker 2:Self care is not, you know getting your nails done or getting your hair done.
Speaker 1:That's not self care, that's just life maintenance. That's adulting.
Speaker 3:You get back home and you're still the same person.
Speaker 1:So it's not self care.
Speaker 3:It's self care is supposed to actually like transform.
Speaker 2:I call it soul care. How are you caring for your?
Speaker 1:soul, Well I guess, I would just like this is real time happening.
Speaker 2:I'm like hmm how do I?
Speaker 1:well, I guess if it's, if self care is soul care, then I would say, like the time that I spend with God would be like my self care, yeah, so I guess I would say that Just stuff like that even sharing Cause I was like mom's.
Speaker 3:actually it's work, but it's my self care.
Speaker 2:What I do. It transforms me, it opens my mind to things that mean people.
Speaker 3:It's transforming me. It's taking care of me so I can be better as a person yeah.
Speaker 1:And all the roles that you have to play in your life, for sure yeah.
Speaker 2:I would say I definitely y'all know me either. Y'all know me, I'm pro self care, soul care, because I realized that I cannot, I just cannot do without. I just I live too many I have, I play too many roles, I wear too many hats and I have found myself in the darkest of moments that I'm like, if I don't do this, I will indeed be crazy, or I just won't go forward, like forward and live to my fullest potential, and everyone is going to not benefit in a good way, like everybody is going to to really, really, I'm going to bleed all over essentially they're going to suffer and I don't want to do that Especially not over people that I really love and care about.
Speaker 2:I just know what me not caring for myself looks like yeah. And that's why nails can't do it, the nails can't do it.
Speaker 3:They look cute y'all. And I understand everybody. Can't. People think because they can't afford it's a special money spend Sometimes they think it's self care. So no, it's still maintenance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I understand that you're going into those spaces like Not even, at least I'm gonna get off my phone. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, allow this pedicure. Maybe this is the only.
Speaker 2:Yes, I can do, but I'm gonna allow this here, to sit here, not gonna be on my phone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm going to control my thoughts.
Speaker 1:I'm actually gonna think about what I'm thinking about. I'm gonna actually take inventory of my life right now. Yes, cuz this is the time I have to do it. So if you do have, if, pedicure is that yeah, just take full advantage. Yeah, if the shower is all, you can do that take full advantage of those. Moments, cuz I know how it is as a mom. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm that shower is all you got the car ride, the car ride home from work.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm you, I still utilize those moments, me too. That's my favorite.
Speaker 3:Oh, I usually numb out those I like disappear in those moments.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I don't know.
Speaker 3:I am. See my brain in those moments. I don't want to think about.
Speaker 1:I talk to myself, I talk to God, but it's just that Taking that I knew that I needed that time when I used to work and I was working like a nine to five, I know needed that time from that environment before stepping into mom, environment, clock it in. I needed that in between now to be like okay, let's have a Megan moment.
Speaker 3:Yes, let's just be Megan for a second. Yeah, Megan moment.
Speaker 1:Let let me just be a Megan moment, for a minute yeah. But yeah, I just taking those moments to just be Not a mom, yeah, not a wife, not an employee, not an entrepreneur yeah, take a moment. And just who? Who are you?
Speaker 2:What are you feeling right now? Yeah, that's a good point. I'm glad you said that because we hear all the time, especially the single moms. They're like I don't have the time to do all that I don't have. I'm like sometimes the gym like and it's not the gym, and it's me literally right before I go to bed putting on a YouTube Like little five to ten minute at workout or something, and then finishing with a bedtime yoga, like that's my moment, that's it, but they got stretches from bed.
Speaker 3:They got workouts or work like they have that's, that's there's, yeah, there's ways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a way. Yeah, that's the thing they're we learned yesterday. No excuse, yeah, there's not it.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's not that you don't have time, it's just that you're not organized.
Speaker 3:Yeah, not organize or not organize your time. You know you don't really want it, you don't want, you don't want to do it, because if you want to do something, you'll do it.
Speaker 2:I don't want to work out yeah, ever yeah.
Speaker 1:which is why I don't yeah, Cuz I don't want to do. I have equipment in my garage.
Speaker 2:Don't get touched it won't.
Speaker 1:Just go do it. You didn't got it in your house. You don't even gotta go nowhere.
Speaker 3:Someone's got to like go with me, because I don't want to do it Well, cuz I made friends at the gym, so now I feel like if I don't go, there like.
Speaker 1:Show up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I have to be held accountable things I don't want to do by somebody else. Yeah, I'm the same, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 2:Okay, have you ever caught yourself saying phrases your own parents used to say? Yes, you don't even know what a headache is yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I used to get so offended because I had headaches, but now, like I think five years ago, I realized they meant like life, yeah you ever been through life to have a headache.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah like you're sick and you laugh a little bit and oh, you're not sick, no more. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Something was just funny. Yeah, I still have strep throat. Yeah, something was just funny. Like I'm not immune to laughing, yeah, but that's how mama, I mean, I get it. That's how parents especially black parents. Yeah, you find we, I'm not fine. I'm not sure is a hundred and five. I'm not fine and ginger ale is not gonna do it water.
Speaker 2:I'd like to drink some water.
Speaker 1:I had the mama that, like when I had pink eye, I would go to bed Right, I would open my eyes, I would see clear, will close my eyes, go sleep, I would open them up and it was olive oil because she has anointed my. I said so. Not only do I have pink eye, knock, I got olive all of my eyes, but now you're adding on to some sort of infection With all of a simple prayer. Would have survived, I'm sure God would have done it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, my kids can be sick and I'm like we still haven't schooled their homes. Good, I'm like we still haven't school. There's not she don't play. I'm like you're still doing whatever you guys need to do. They got the timer on.
Speaker 2:I always tell them they are fine. I be feeling so bad from um no.
Speaker 3:Unless something's really happening. I just don't like.
Speaker 2:I'm just like it's really happening.
Speaker 3:I just believe words matter and excuses and I'm just like I don't know if they're really sick. Yeah, maybe or maybe I missed it yeah but, I'm like let's go. During COVID we started that I found a girl who was in school to be a teacher online and she came and she's been with us for two years. Yeah, my daughter really is. I feel bad, though I feel like it puts her to deficit in life.
Speaker 3:So she's Mensa, she's, she's a genius because she has like I think it's because she has higher than level like comprehension Mm-hmm. She's not like the kids on Ellen where I'm like gonna name every single country or whatever, but once people know you're like Smart or genius, I feel like it's like I'll be like no, well, what's six times three? She'll be like elephant. I'm like see you making me look like an idiot.
Speaker 2:I Feel like there's so much pressure once you're supposed to be smart, yeah, and so I've been working on being like you're a hard worker, you're all this other stuff, not you're smart or not.
Speaker 3:You're this okay. Would you go back and change One thing, anything, and you could still get. How about this? Because people are like, oh, I still want to be where I am today. Mm-hmm, you can change one thing and still be where you are today, would you?
Speaker 1:oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I would, but there's a few things. It's just like more than one dodged.
Speaker 3:You know, would you guys change anything if it changed for you, where you don't know if you'd be here or not?
Speaker 2:Oh, I, know for sure if I would have never met this person that I would still be here, Sorry.
Speaker 3:I don't know what to do after that.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, there's definitely like Little nuances in my life that I'm like. My life would probably still be the same. You were unnecessary you know, yeah, like but then again it's like you don't know, you know so every, would you risk it all?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like I think, whatever if I could change anything, as long as I have what I have with God right now, yeah, that's the only thing that I'm like, as long as that doesn't change, that's the most important thing. And, being where I'm at, I know that so many of the stuff that was painful led me to this point, yeah, which is why it would be hard to be like dang.
Speaker 2:I wish I didn't happen, but that led me here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, what about you? B Anything before the last decade? I might like risk it, but like the last decade has been like the most transformative I've had, so it's like I wouldn't change anything. Good, bad ugly about the last decade. But like before that, like man, if I could get away from some of that and still have gotten to the last decade. Then, yeah, yeah, I don't hundred percent change some things, because life was life.
Speaker 2:All right, girls night in or girls night out, girls night in.
Speaker 3:Girls night out while in? Okay, yeah, I want to go somewhere.
Speaker 2:And then come back to the house. Yeah, like some middle, I'm with you on the middle. Yeah cuz I, I like being able to get dressed up and you know, yeah, really let my hair down, but then I want to come back to the house and chill.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like a dinner and yeah. Is that the house. Yeah that's like let's go dress up me to do dinner, yes, and then let's come back to that.
Speaker 3:Have you ever used your kids as an excuse to why you can't show up to?
Speaker 1:But it's still the truth, but yeah yeah, it's like yeah, I have kids, so I can't. I can't make it. It's not as easy.
Speaker 2:Now we have really gotten into Conversation, so it's been great cuz we already like here. But I do want to ask you, as you have continued to grow your career and being a mom and all the things, and you're just out there, yeah, right now Out out there, um, is there anything that you don't often get to talk about, that you're like you know what I Want, megan?
Speaker 1:to talk about this more.
Speaker 2:I want people to hear this from Megan. Is there anything like that? I feel like I'm.
Speaker 1:I have been feeling lately that I'm super redundant, like I said some of the same things, or, as I'm 33 and I've I've experienced a lot, but like the major points in my life, like my son having autism or being pregnant at 19, like these are things that people know that are out there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like I got pregnant at 19. We'll see. That shows you you feel redundant. But there's Marketing. You got to say something.
Speaker 1:I think three to six times yeah so sometimes I'm like, when you ask me, I'm like I don't know what I don't get to talk about, because I feel like I've had the opportunity to kind of say everything. But probably, like, motherhood is Something I don't think I've been able to really dive a lot into, which is why I was really excited to come to come here, because you know, I have three boys, yeah, you know, and they're, they're everything.
Speaker 2:I will say, when I look at like your profile and I've been following you for a little bit I'm like how does she do the boy mom thing? Mm-hmm, all different ages, but you are like on the go, you're. You're similar to us. We're always on the go, always doing things. What is the balance? Look like? What is your off? You know season? Look like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like I've experienced motherhood and like very drastic seasons, like being a mom and then being a stay-at-home mom and then being a working mom and being an entrepreneur mom. Like I feel like I've Experienced it in so many different seasons and a single mom and now I'm a single mom, Where's the manual? But I feel like in this season of my life is different again and being a single mom and navigating my Presence and what I'm supposed to do here, and Without help it is impossible. That's all I can say like.
Speaker 1:I have a child as special needs. Yeah, it would be impossible to do this alone. Yeah, so I'm thankful that their dad is like, super present and a great dad to them. Like you know, he's very hands-on, super involved, so that's a help because I know a lot of times single moms don't even have that part of it.
Speaker 1:So, like I always want to like honor him for that part, because he needs like they need their dad and he's 100% there. So that is super helpful. And then I have Jordan, who's like my fourth child. She's grown but she's like my kid and she helps me and it's like she just can help and I don't even have to ask anything. She can just sense, like even if I'm having like a really bad day, she just is like I already got that, I already did this, don't worry about that, I'm gonna go do this, I got this. Da, da, da, da. Do you need this? Like she just can just sense, without me having to be like or even breaking down. I can still be actively doing something. She's like, I'm like I'll do that.
Speaker 2:You can go do this and I'll go.
Speaker 1:you know what I mean and so help you know what I mean. The village, the village. And then, because I haven't always been balanced, I feel like I am an extremist, so I tend to either go all out I don't know how to be halfway in, halfway out, or what that balance sometimes is and I know that my children have sacrificed a lot of me, because when I'm dedicated to something, I'm all in, and so they've had to sacrifice so much of me, like just their mom not being present, even being there, just not being present. You know what I mean. What I'm trying to do now, with this new season that I'm in, is I try to be mindful. Like, my office is attached to my home but detached from my home, and so I don't have a lock on it. Don't just walk in my office. You knock and I will grant you permission, or I won't.
Speaker 1:So it's boundaries for me for sure, but my youngest son comes to my door often and he don't be wanting nothing.
Speaker 3:And I'd be in the middle of doing something, but he wants me, and so sometimes I caught my.
Speaker 1:recently, in the last couple of months, I would catch myself being like what, what you know? Like, oh, just hold on whatever. And now I'm forcing myself to get up, open the door, hug him, acknowledge him because he wants something.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and so even he's worth that two minutes. Yeah, exactly, he's worth that minute where before, I used to be like I just got to get this done, or. I got to do this and this and this and this, and then he's outside the door like, hey, it's me, you're gay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Noble started calling me out on that because I had my phone and she's like I know you're working from your phone, but I need you to put it down because I want you to watch this or whatever, and then, if I don't put it down, she'll just stare at me until.
Speaker 1:I put it down.
Speaker 3:Until you give me your food and she'll just then teach you.
Speaker 1:But I love that. Like.
Speaker 3:I like that for her, for who it'll be. But it made me realize like she was asking if she could help me cook the other day, and usually it's my time to zone out or whatever.
Speaker 1:So I prefer not to. I don't want to be an instructor right now, I don't, I tell my kids.
Speaker 2:when I don't, I'm like, let's do that on the weekend.
Speaker 3:Right now, we just need to get fed, but she's only going to be there for a minute, right. So I was like I just need to get that second, because when you work from home, you work a lot and it's hard to turn it off and I'm like what's a couple of minutes?
Speaker 2:even if it turns to 10? Just cut this directly, because I also stay up until 3.
Speaker 3:AM so I can have a lot of alone time. So I figure it out, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's just learning how to actually create the balance, and sometimes I think we're trying to find the balance. It's like you got to create it, create your balance, like my balance is. If I see my kids come to my door, I'm getting up and I'm going to create a moment for us where at least he knows any time I came to her door, she at least got up and acknowledged me Whether she did what I wanted her to do, because most of the time it's like can come play basketball with me. Absolutely not.
Speaker 2:The answers don't know. The answer is no, but you're going to get this hug. But you're going to get this hug.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to play force with you. I'm not playing Fortnite, I'm not playing nothing.
Speaker 3:This ain't your moment, baby.
Speaker 1:No, sorry I'm not doing it, but you are worth this moment of acknowledgement and love because you have value and nothing that I'm doing is more important than you. I've experienced the guilt being away, and then I've experienced even being home, not doing anything. That guilt sits in, it's like girl, you better get up. You got these kids to feed.
Speaker 2:What are?
Speaker 1:you doing, just laying around? You need to be kind. I would bury myself in the most unproductive works, just so that I could not feel guilty that I wasn't doing anything. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to know what you mean. There's so many women out there that do that.
Speaker 3:Just to say, oh, now.
Speaker 1:I can check this off the list.
Speaker 2:So now I'm a good mom, or whatever.
Speaker 1:But I would tell anybody, any mom, what God really impressed on me when I was asking him for some heavy stuff to change in my life. I need you to show up and do something. I need the burning bush experience. I need something.
Speaker 3:I said that to God on the walk of it. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I need some like I need the real proof yeah.
Speaker 2:I need to see.
Speaker 1:I need something big, and often, when I was in those very desperate moments of needing God, he would tell me the most basic instructions Clean your room, go play basketball with Jonah Go sit on your son's bed and talk to him. It would be little things like that. It wouldn't be go move a mountain, it would be go play basketball with Jonah, go sit in your kid's room for a little bit and just spend time with them.
Speaker 2:It's interesting and that would move things it would lift this burden off of me.
Speaker 1:Even though it didn't fix my situation, it fixed my posture and it fixed the pressure that I felt Like he lifted it just by in the simple instruction of be a good steward over when. I gave you Yep, I gave you those kids you so busy trying to acquire all this other stuff, but I gave you that and they need you.
Speaker 2:What would you say to a mom who is kind of in a season where they are ready to give up on God because they don't see Him moving? They have a passion and they're like, ok, I want to go after this, but I'm not seeing any signs that I can make this work. And then I'm a mom yeah, what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 1:What am I supposed to do? I think the first, probably real, my real experience with that, where I literally questioned God, was when my son was diagnosed with autism and then right after that, so the next year, he was diagnosed with fragile X syndrome and so with fragile X syndrome. You all know that autism is like this big-. Spectrum, it's a big spectrum and we all probably could fit on that syndrome at some point Right.
Speaker 1:Fragrile X syndrome is where there's a dysfunction in the X chromosome and so for boys they only have one X chromosome Right. So when there's a dysfunction in that, there's no the Y chromosome can't make up for that dysfunction in the X chromosome, so he doesn't have the protein that produces brain development which would make him mentally handicapped.
Speaker 1:We didn't find that out until after we found out he was autistic. How old, wow. So he was two when he got diagnosed with autism and then three when he was diagnosed with fragile X syndrome. Now, this was the only child that I asked God for. This was the only child that it took time to get. Like, I tried and tried and tried and could not get pregnant and I wanted Caleb. So, bad Like it was, I never desired anything. It was literally like God, you tell me, whatever you tell me to do, I'll do it just to have this child. And so, to have that child be the one that's diagnosed with these two things. It brought this intense offense that I had towards God. Yeah, because I'm like, I prayed to you. I asked you for this kid. You answered me and then you gave me this. What's that about? Like, why did you even say yes then? Yeah, you could have just said no, right?
Speaker 1:Like now I feel like you're playing with me. You're playing with me and I remember having this conversation with God and being very honest and it borderline disrespectful, but it was very honest. Sometimes you got me and I'm having this conversation and Caleb's in my lap and he's having a hard time and I'm rocking him and I'm just like, why, god, why, why, why? And I remember him speaking to me very clearly and said why not you?
Speaker 1:Jeremiah 29 kept coming back, for I know the plans that I have for you and so, although things may not look like he's doing anything, although it may not, nothing feels like it's happening, he's not doing anything. But if you decide to believe in him, then you have to decide to believe in him Even when you don't see it, even when you don't feel it. And you have to know that. You know that. You know that he created you and he created those kids and in that creation he gave you the grace necessary to get through whatever you needed to get through for the assignment that he brought in your life. So, when you don't see it, just know he's working.
Speaker 3:He's doing something.
Speaker 1:You may not see it right now or ask yourself am I looking for something specific?
Speaker 2:Because you might miss it looking for something specific.
Speaker 1:I was looking for. I had begged God. This is just a quick example that I can think of. I begged God, like God. My son is not verbal, so I was just like God. Please, I just want to hear his voice. I just want to hear him say that he loves me.
Speaker 1:I just want to hear him talk. I just want to hear. If Caleb could just tell me he loves me, I would be so happy. We go to a speech therapy appointment and Caleb has a tablet that you can talk on and they're working with him on this thing and I'm out in the lobby and I'm ready to go because I have to go to work. And so she brings him out, the therapist brings him out and she's so happy she's like oh my God, we have something to show you.
Speaker 1:I'm like, all right girl, come on. I got to get to work what you need to show me. Come on, caleb. And Caleb is kind of like being a little funny. He grabs the tablet and he says I love you mom.
Speaker 3:I knew that was coming. I'm so proud of him.
Speaker 1:And I was like, okay, let's go. All right, caleb, get your book bag. That's so sweet, get your book bag. And then tomorrow dropped him off at school and God chained, checked me as soon as the door shut. As soon as Caleb got out, god said what was that? You rejected the very thing that I gave you because it didn't come in the form that you asked for. Yikes, you asked for Caleb to say that he loves you and he told you, but it came in through the tablet and not his vocal cords. So you rejected the very thing that I gave you, my God. And so a lot of times we think he's not moving and he is moving.
Speaker 3:And the thing is that seems so obvious. It's like, oh my gosh, but we do that all the time, so it's so easy to be like girl. How'd you miss that? But?
Speaker 1:we do it every all the time. Yeah well, I set the story up for you, so of course you're going to be like this is amazing, but when you're living in every day, you're like get your book bag, You're not talking Like I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:You don't need to stop this. Actually, I was cute.
Speaker 3:Let's go.
Speaker 1:But in that moment when God, literally like, arrested me in that moment. I was like, wow, you know what God? You're right and the reverence that we have to have when he comes and does things for us and grants those prayers. We have to be on the lookout for them, even if it's not in the specific package. So just take your idea out and just say God, whatever. However, you can do this, thank you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, one thing, you guys, jackie Hill Perry, when she was on the podcast and she was talking about she thinks she's going to live a long time and then was reminding basically everybody like life is about long suffering, like it's about suffering, it's not about this happiness and this feel good and all this Like if Jesus suffered, why wouldn't we go through stuff Like because life is about a testimony, it's about helping other people, it's about sharing God's name, and if you don't go through anything like how are you really going to talk about the wonders and the miracles of God?
Speaker 1:Not only. How are you going to be able to talk about it, how do you know he exists there? Yeah, like honestly, how do we know God exists?
Speaker 2:Everything would be us. If everything would be us, everything would be us. And I think, even to put it into a more practical standpoint, y'all, especially the women who are like I have this dream, I have this thing. Or God, I'm asking you to do this thing for me, pay this bill for me, do this thing, and he gives you an idea, and you sit on it yeah.
Speaker 2:Sit. Oh, we will sit, because you'll sit on it, which that's the thing. That's the jar with the oil that could have paid not only your debt but that you could live off of. But it wasn't cute, but you decide. But it. Oh, now I got to ask people for help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll never forget Carlos from the 85s. We were randomly having this conversation and he said women you know it's so funny Women talk about, they want consistency. He was like, or they love consistency, they love consistency. He's like, but you ain't consistent with anything, you just like the benefits of someone being consistent with you, but you don't really love consistency. But I think that those are like questions that we should really ask. Do I really want that?
Speaker 2:Or I just want the benefit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really want it. I'm going to be prepared to do whatever it takes to get that thing done. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Period. It's the top of the year, y'all. Yeah, if this does not put any, you know, a little extra fire in you like it should, because I think too much and we're, we're good on our platform. We always you were telling you you're doing a good job and we're telling you all the things that encourage you.
Speaker 1:But one thing that.
Speaker 3:Blair and I wanted for this season.
Speaker 2:Blair said I'm going to be honest you may not be doing good job. We're actually good at a very terrible job, but no one thing we really wanted for this season truly is. We wanted to be able to show you guys that it's more than just the fluff. It's more like there's. You have it in you, but we got to get it out of you. We can't continue to use our kids as an excuse. We can't continue to use the fact that we're burnt out because we're not using our time wisely.
Speaker 1:Period yeah, yeah, the time, the obedience, and say that word again yeah, it's like you.
Speaker 2:you don't have anxiety, you have a disobedience.
Speaker 1:You're not depressed. You're disobedient. Yep, you're not broke. You're disobedient. Your kids aren't bad. You're disobedient.
Speaker 2:We're not playing this season.
Speaker 1:No, no, because I think we have to have, I think we have to have the real conversations because we are fluffing. Everything is fluff, fluff, fluff.
Speaker 3:Because everything is about feeling good. You're great, you're the best.
Speaker 2:You're the trophy. There's a moment for that, there is, there's a moment for that, but it's like it's time, but that can't be the life like push, you know, because it's actually not a push, it's not everything's good, everything's safe, everything's to make you comfortable and to square, yeah, everything.
Speaker 1:Everything is about convenience, everything, and you cannot. You cannot possibly, which is why you can't live in both worlds. You have to either be in the kingdom or you have to be out, because being in both, you can't do both. Self-sacr I heard this quote. Self-sacr Ices entry-level Christianity. Yeah, it's like you have to be prepared to be uncomfortable, and if you're looking to feel good and you're looking to feel like comfortable, yeah, that ain't it.
Speaker 3:Good luck, yeah. So that brings me to probably my last question. But like, okay, a lot has changed. You've been through some things like how do you feel right now? Like where?
Speaker 2:are you when?
Speaker 3:are you in the midst of the wilderness?
Speaker 1:For sure the wilderness. That's a hundred percent accurate. That's a great way to describe it. I feel like the most important thing right now for me is I've been able to identify who my enemy is, and then I've been able to identify who the enemy has been using, and so I think that I've have this ability and gift when it comes to awareness and self-awareness and being able to articulate certain things. That's probably the common denominator people will say about me your self-awareness and I used to carry that like a very proud badge, because I feel like so many people aren't self-aware.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like just recently it was like You're self-aware, and I'm like, yeah, and he's like so how come you don't see me the way I see you? Ah?
Speaker 3:I wasn't ready for that part.
Speaker 1:He was like. So he was like you only see, you're aware of all the negative things about you, but you're not aware of anything positive. So are you self-aware? Why does the negative stuff stick so well? I said well, if you wanted to just read me for films, you could have did that.
Speaker 3:You can hear something good about yourself. Every day one person says one bad thing or one negative thought, and that's it.
Speaker 1:It's because we don't know who our enemy is, and we don't know that his goal and tactic is for us to not see ourselves the way God sees us, and so that's why that negative comment is going to stick out to you more than positive comments, because guess what the reality is. You agree with it.
Speaker 2:The reality is you agree with it. You agree with it and that's why you're focused on it. You can't agree with it.
Speaker 1:That is his tactic and his goal. He wants us to not see ourselves the way that God sees us, because he knows he will never be seen the way that God sees us. Yeah, he hates that. That's his whole thing. We have to learn how to see ourselves the way God sees us. And when I say me, I am the chief of these who doesn't see anything positive about myself ever. That's a problem. And in doing that, you're training yourself to agree with a lie, Because every thought is not your own and every thought isn't God's.
Speaker 1:So now, when the enemy comes in and plants a thought. You are tipped because that's your pattern. Now You're coming into agreement with a lie.
Speaker 1:You're not worthy. You know I'm not, I guess, because I've done this, I've done that and I've been divorced and I had sex out of wedlock and maybe I slept with that guy and I shouldn't have and I got fired from this job and I didn't do this right. Those are all facts. The enemy is the accuser of the brother. That's a fact. Maybe you are divorced, but the truth is that if you are in Christ, you are a new creature. Old things are passed away, but hold on, I've made something new. That's the truth. The fact is, yes, you're divorced, but the truth is that before you were ever placed in the motherhood, in your mother's womb, he knew you, he informed you and gave you the grace that you need for everything that you've been sent out to do, and nothing is a surprise to him.
Speaker 2:I love that you said that, and the last thing that I'm going to ask you, he's saying the last thing that I'm going to ask.
Speaker 3:No, I said last, you didn't have that.
Speaker 2:I said my last, my last thing that I'm going to ask is what do you think moms actually need to hear right now?
Speaker 1:Man. I think moms need to hear that what's done in secret will come to light, right, and that I know it feels like no one sees how great you are, no one sees how hard you work or no one sees how much you really do, because it's expected for you to just do it. But he sees it all and there is a great treasure that is waiting for you, because you have been obedient to the most important call that anybody could ever say yes to Saying yes and answering the call to be a mother. God has entrusted you with a life that he has a specific plan for to touch other people like. He entrusted you with a ministry that's going to set generations free. He trusted you with this gift of life that is going to do so much for so many other people. You're doing something that is way bigger than what you will ever see on social media TikTok, instagram. Whatever the case may be, what you are doing is important, no matter who sees it, who applauds it. God honors it.
Speaker 1:He's looking at you, smiling and honoring your obedience to that ministry of your children, and just know that he sees you and he hears you, and when you're in the closet crying, and when you're in the shower crying, and when you don't feel like you've done enough and when you feel like you've the worst mom ever right, he sees you and he knows your heart. Just keep loving those kids, keep loving God, keep being honest with him and I promise you, I promise you, what's done in this secret will always be revealed in the light.
Speaker 2:Thank you for your vulnerability, thanks for inviting me and thank you for your yes for coming and doing this with us.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you for my gifts. My gifts were amazing.
Speaker 3:We try to treat people right. I love my gifts.
Speaker 1:I'm big on hospitality.
Speaker 2:I appreciate that. Well, I'll help you fill up. Yes, this is amazing.
Speaker 1:Your team, everybody. I mean your hospitality team, assistants, makeup, hair, everybody is just amazing.
Speaker 3:Wow, we love them. Thank you. You guys are a little summer camp family.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, we love our family. I love it. But you guys thank you so much for watching us. Thank y'all for tuning in. I hope and pray. I know that you were blessed. I wish you guys shared this with someone else and yeah, that's it. Thank you again. Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, hey mom.
