How to Reinvent Yourself Ft. Ashley West

Hey Ma! This week Ashley West, you may know her as @SouthernWestSunshine, joins us on the couch sharing her journey from 9-5 working mom to how she built a new career from being a viral sensation. 
 
In this episode we talk about:

• the realities of motherhood
• the adjustments we make to keep our marriages thriving amidst motherhood and careers
• the daily decisions that shape our lives
• how we find balance amidst  busyness
• shifting from a structured 9 to 5 to the  world of content creation. 
• the strength found in community, especially for moms seeking support and friendship in our digital age

Ashley shares her dreams and aspirations, reminding us all that we're all in this journey of motherhood together. 

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Transcript

Motherhood

Speaker 1 0:00

I've said this a lot it's my season of yes, mm-hmm, and I wholeheartedly feel like if I am going after things that serve me and my family, then God's going to put the stuff that I'm supposed to be doing in my path. Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up?

Speaker 2 0:20

Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up? Welcome to Moms. Actually, I'm Blair and I'm Morgan, and this is our special guest, Ashley West. Hey girl.

Speaker 1 0:32

Oh my gosh, Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 0:34

Of course, I've been so excited for you. Oh, beyond, I keep saying we're going to have a time.

Speaker 1 0:38

Yes, oh, a time that's going to be had? Yes.

Speaker 2 0:41

So can you tell everybody about yourself? Brag on yourself a little bit, yes.

Speaker 1 0:47

I am Ashley West Southern West Sunshine on TikTok and Instagram, and I'm a mom of two, so I have a three year old and a five year old yes, boy and a girl, walker and Elle. I do social media now, but by trade. I am a speech pathologist Okay, so way back when I did speech therapy. So, yeah, that's kind of me in a nutshell.

Speaker 2 1:10

I don't want to brag too much. Is it weird to say I do social media, it is, it is. That's all You're like. I do social media. Listen when.

Speaker 1 1:17

I say I'm a content creator there are people like okay, got it.

Speaker 2 1:21

Okay. So, yes, okay, well, get ready, because we are like I said, a time is about to be had.

Speaker 1 1:28

Love.

Speaker 2 1:29

You're going to have some good conversation, but before we start, support us, press, subscribe. Press the subscribe guys. Yes, come on, that supports your favorite mom. Yes, that's us.

Speaker 1 1:40

Yes, so we'll give you a second Okay, let's get started.

Speaker 2 1:46

So we're going to start by telling you what these paddles are for. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 1:51

I love that. One of our favorite games.

Speaker 2 1:52

Yes.

Speaker 3 1:55

So if you are new to the platform over here, this is it's giving motherhood. So bold means yes, or the first option that I say, and then white means no, or the second option. First answer is always the right answer, so don't think too hard about it. Okay, and so we're just going to get right started Okay. Right now. Okay, are you ready? Yes, okay. So, mom, have you ever felt like you're not good enough compared to other moms?

Speaker 2 2:24

Yes, 100%. And it's not like in a permanent, like I don't feel good enough or even that I think you just see someone else doing something and you're like man, I wish I had that in me, but I feel like I'm good for my parents. Like my kids, I don't feel bad about myself, but yeah.

Speaker 1 2:41

No, I agree with that 100%. It's the cleaning aspect for me, like you see these perfectly curated, gorgeous, stark white homes and I'm like, yeah, I got dishes in the sink.

Speaker 2 2:52

I got cereal everywhere, but yeah, I feel like I have to put them down to feel better. I'm like their house really isn't that clean. They probably got Kool-Aid stains.

Speaker 1 2:59

Right, we're only seeing what's in the frame I get to laugh.

Speaker 3 3:02

Yeah, I said no only because, like I beat myself enough about other things with the mom situation. I'm like, no, I am good enough, like I am doing good Other places maybe not so much Right, but mom wise yeah, no, I'm not. Oh, I love that.

Speaker 2 3:19

No, she's like not doing it. Yeah, no, okay, next one Do you feel like kids can sometimes get in the way of marriage? Yeah, um, yes, if you let them your priority, yeah.

Speaker 1 3:34

If you let them.

Speaker 2 3:34

Right. But, your priorities just naturally shift. Yeah, you got to leave them for something else.

Speaker 1 3:40

I mean considering both of our kids are still in the bed with us. I'm just getting ready to say that.

Speaker 3 3:44

Come on, guys, come on.

Speaker 1 3:46

I mean we've tried, We've tried. I mean they'll just end up in the bed with us.

Speaker 3 3:49

No, it's because you're not consistent because you're like they're going to end up.

Speaker 2 3:53

She is a cell gate. I have a gate, so they have like a room here, a room here, and I have a gate in the hallway. Yes, but now I don't even have to close the gate. So at three months they go to their their own respective rooms after that and it's hell because, yes, I know you have to get up out of bed and you have to do all those things. That's where I, that's where I messed up and yeah, so I'm like I was like I'd rather go through hell for X amount of months to have the rest of the years.

Speaker 2 4:19

So I'm very big about that, because I just have heard so many stories, my friend still has like her 10 year old, that comes in like I mean, it sounds good, but I'll talk to you in five years.

Speaker 3 4:32

She's like right. It's so funny because when we so, layla was in the, you know, she was sleeping in the bedroom. Because I was single mom. I'm like I don't, you know, it doesn't matter to me, you know whatever. And then I started dating my now husband and then, you know, he, we've moved in together and she was still kind of like trickling in and he was like, oh, this doesn't work.

Speaker 2 4:54

Yeah.

Speaker 3 4:55

And so that's what really like stopped it for me. And then he, immediately once we got pregnant with my second, he was like just let you know, we're not going to start that habit. So he was the one really to be very, very stern on that. Now our son now he'll come in in the early, early mornings, but that's not a big deal because it's early in the morning.

Speaker 3 5:16

But no our kids do not sleep in the bed, but that's why I said that they can, because if you don't really draw that line, then what time are you actually having?

Speaker 1 5:24

Like.

Speaker 3 5:24

I'll see you when you see.

Speaker 1 5:26

Yeah.

Speaker 3 5:27

Because you're already during the day, you're, you know business as usual and all that and you know it's, and then you can't do anything at night because you don't know when they just go.

Speaker 2 5:34

yeah, Listen.

Speaker 1 5:35

I'll meet you in the kids bedroom Right, Because we're like what do you do in that moment?

Speaker 3 5:40

Like are you like daytime or?

Speaker 1 5:43

Well, my husband works all the time. So, it's very much like I'll see you when I see you, or like let him fall asleep, so make sure he's not asleep. Okay, I'll meet you in the kids room, so you don't even have your bedroom. It's like no no, it's not like our safe, safe space.

Speaker 2 5:59

But it's not our space, that's where you go, that's the family room, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 6:05

Nothing is secret anymore.

Speaker 3 6:06

Got it Okay? Okay, understood. Would you say your parenting is more traditional or more new age Traditional.

Speaker 2 6:16

I'm going to go, I'd say in the middle only because and not because it's like all the way, gentle parenting sorry gentle, parenting things or whatever, it's, just I talk to them and I think that's considered new age Like talk to my kids.

Speaker 1 6:28

How are you feeling? Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 6:31

This is why you can't do this, or what? That's the most new age, I think I really get Totally.

Speaker 3 6:36

Same. I'm exactly the same. That's why I said I'm more balanced. I like to say balanced parenting, because I do keep some of the tradition of like no, this is what I said. I said you know, that type of thing I'm not going to argue with you or give you too many choices, but we are going to communicate. Yes, you know Love that what's traditional to you.

Speaker 1 6:53

Same kind of thing, but we will, and like I haven't really had the chance. Like every new season as I age, I'm like, oh, I'm doing this now. Like I'm, parenting this way I haven't really gotten to the, I guess, the school age. I'll just start a kindergarten. So when I say parenting, it's very much like no, don't open the pantry door or whatever. So talking about feelings and that is just kind of starting for me. That's true.

Speaker 2 7:15

It's so interesting because Instagram also makes me realize, like, am I doing everything wrong? Because they're like? You can't call your kids smart anymore, Because then if you say smart, it's a lot of pressure, Because then I have to like they think they have to be smart. You have to say they're hardworking, Like it's a lot to keep up with.

Speaker 3 7:30

But then it makes you like think who are you exactly? Who is the source you know what I'm saying Like who is credible enough to really, you know, change things?

Speaker 2 7:39

But I hear older people saying like their parents used to say that, and so they would like freak out when they didn't know something. So it's like I see the the adults.

Speaker 1 7:47

Yeah, they're the adults.

Speaker 2 7:49

Yeah, it's what it's hard. Everything is balanced. Yes, then there's no such thing as a balance, right, true, 100%, perfect. Perfect. So balance, do the thing that doesn't exist, right.

Speaker 1 8:01

Love that for us and do it well.

Speaker 2 8:03

Right, it makes the impossible happen. Do you have a secret stash of candy or snacks that the kids don't know about? Ooh, no.

Speaker 3 8:11

No, I don't, I don't, I should. No, right. The only thing I do sometimes is, if it, if there's like a snack that I absolutely want, it's not that they don't know about it, I just put it higher in the pantry. Yes, so I'm like you can see this, but you know that it's mine. No, I never secretly eat it. You hide out me, but I'm like you know that this one is mine, so you can't have it.

Speaker 2 8:34

Yeah, I'll move it, just so it doesn't get eaten, yeah, but again Instagram made me do this. I put everything, even candy, in full view and let them have choices, mm-hmm, because I like can't stop myself from eating stuff and I don't want them to have that issue when they get older. So I'm pretty open about, like, eating snacks and all that stuff because I wasn't allowed to. So when I do have stuff, I like overindulge.

Speaker 3 8:56

Binge, yeah, I binge, I don't want that for them, totally yeah.

Spice, Curls, and Coffee Preferences

Speaker 1 9:00

What about you? I don't, but I will secretly eat stuff and then tell them it's spicy if I'm eating something. Oh yes, I'm like you won't like this baby. You're not going to like this. It's spicy. You won't like it, and that kind of stops it right there.

Speaker 2 9:14

You'll say they're spicy and they're like. I'm good they're going to grow up saying like I can't eat a Jolly Rancher, it's spicy.

Speaker 1 9:20

Yes, literally or even just like basic gum, like I'm going to. It's minty. Yeah, you won't like it. You're not going to like it, it's too much, it's going to open up too much.

Speaker 3 9:28

They're friends are going to be like, yeah, you're not inviting you baby, are we doing our hair perfectly or are we risking being late to the event she's doing?

Speaker 2 9:41

her hair perfectly.

Speaker 3 9:44

Now listen, I'm showing up one time.

Speaker 1 9:47

I'm an on time girly, ok.

Speaker 3 9:48

Like.

Speaker 1 9:48

I'm very much that. So thank God for hateless girls. Ok, I swear I can sleep in them and I'm like the confidence I have I can leave the house and like do you put your heatless curls?

Speaker 3 10:00

like, do you keep them on in the car?

Speaker 1 10:03

Yes.

Speaker 3 10:04

OK, she's like right before the event she's sliding it out, that is no joke.

Speaker 1 10:09

I mean I'm telling you I have gone multiple places, like right before I go through the door, I'm taking it out.

Speaker 2 10:14

Yes, let's say, one day it comes out a little wonky, are you like you know? What I'm just kind of like do this or are you going to be late? Would you be late for your hair?

Speaker 1 10:26

No, so you would still be on time, I would still be on time. Wow, I know, unexpectedly. That is it, I'm expecting that this isn't even a question.

Speaker 2 10:35

Listen yeah.

Speaker 1 10:37

I'm very much like a on-time girl. Stickler, that was very much ingrained in me.

Speaker 2 10:41

Okay, my mom and dad for sure, yeah, I'm. You know I'd be late on accident, so my hair and my hair wouldn't look the way I would.

Speaker 3 10:49

Yeah, it still wouldn't look good. Like, why were you late? Right, it's not adding up. Yes, the math ain't magic. It's like you're going to be late at least. At least make it work, do something.

Speaker 1 11:00

Right Aw.

Speaker 2 11:03

Making your coffee at home or Starbucks run Making it at home. Making it at home.

Speaker 1 11:08

Yes, now tell you why. Okay, and I said this earlier, but the closest Starbucks to me is 30 minutes away.

Speaker 2 11:15

Oh Well, Starbucks is forced.

Speaker 1 11:17

Yeah, exactly. So it's like if I make coffee at home and I try to do my little barista things, but I'm very much a coffee pot girl cream sugar, and that's it. So it overwhelms me too to order at Starbucks.

Speaker 3 11:29

I'm in the middle, because I like Starbucks is like the treat. Yes, that's me too, but during the week I do my coffee at home. Yes, so on the weekends I'm totally like, yeah, no.

Speaker 2 11:39

Starbucks orders are very like. We should do like a content post and ask everybody their Starbucks order what their order is. It is like I don't think I could work at Starbucks. I get over my period. I'm like what's a? What do you guys call it Grande? Yes, the other side is.

Speaker 3 11:55

What are they? It's the ingredients.

Speaker 1 11:56

For me, the two pumps of this three the foam, this, that and the other.

Speaker 2 12:00

I'm like I'm overstimulated already.

Speaker 3 12:01

Like you're going to have to figure this out, but they do it so well when you know you order, they're like okay, all right, thank you. Like you didn't ask anything, like you said hello, they're just like got it. Got it all down.

Speaker 2 12:12

I don't drink coffee. I've never had a coffee on my life.

Speaker 3 12:14

What I love this moment, that's the only reason why I tell everybody.

Speaker 2 12:17

She doesn't.

Speaker 3 12:18

Oh my God, she doesn't. And she stays up until like 3am and then wakes up at 7.

Speaker 2 12:22

But I haven't done five hour energy drinks for this. I will say that, but usually when I'm up, I'm up, I'm also afraid of being addicted to something. Yep, totally. And when people do like coffee cleanses, they usually get a headache, some stuff that doesn't seem fun. I could see that, yeah, so that's the only reason it smells amazing.

Speaker 1 12:37

It smells amazing. Just brew it to smell it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 12:40

Last question yes, all right, botox and filler, or are we aging grease? Where's the first one? Where's that one?

Speaker 1 12:48

It's like go me and my Botox appointment three days ago.

Speaker 2 12:51

Literally Like oh yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 12:55

I've never had Botox or filler before, but I am like it's not on purpose.

Speaker 2 12:58

It's not on purpose. Well, you look gorgeous, thank you.

Speaker 3 13:01

But I'm ready to, you know, make the appointment for sure. I love that, just in case anybody's watching this.

Speaker 2 13:07

Botox at any age. You can start Botox before you get your wrinkles, because it helps teach your muscles not to wrinkle.

Speaker 1 13:14

Yeah, filler.

Speaker 2 13:16

If you are 20 something, please don't do it, unless you're like doing something for your jawline or maybe your nose, but you already have a live collagen in your face. So what you're doing is stretching your face out and then, if you don't keep it up, you get filler face and it's just you start looking 40 instead of 23. So, like, just hold up on the facial balance Big sister advice Early 20s yes, love, come on.

Speaker 1 13:36

Because it's just so sad, it's just so sad, it's just so sad Doing too much too early, exactly Too much.

Speaker 2 13:42

All for it, all for it, yes, all for it, love.

Speaker 3 13:44

All for it.

Speaker 2 13:51

So now that we have you on our couch and you're hanging with us, of course, and you get an opportunity to like share more about who Ashley West is. What's something that you don't get asked about or that you don't get to like actually talk about that you think people should know about you?

Speaker 1 14:06

Yeah, so I don't really showcase a lot. I mean here recently I've started posting more about it but I used to sing a lot and music was a major part of my life. So as a freshman in college I actually majored in musical theater.

Speaker 2 14:21

So, like all the parents love that, because I would not pay for my kids to go to college for singing.

Speaker 3 14:26

So you must really love to sing. Rivers is a judge.

Speaker 2 14:30

Oh, I think you said my husband is, so I was like really no, oh no. Yeah, I wouldn't. You're like judge your mother. You have great parents.

Speaker 1 14:41

Thank you. Yeah, they were very much supportive of that and I got to. I went to Oklahoma City University for the first year of college, got a scholarship, did the whole thing. Oh quickly realized I was like can't make a career out of this. I did not want to audition for the rest of my life.

Speaker 2 14:58

It's. It's a lot of rejection. Oh, that is what I couldn't take it.

Speaker 1 15:01

My heart was broken. I put so much of my heart and soul into every single thing, every audition, every song every.

Speaker 2 15:07

It's not a reflection of how good you are. Yeah, that's very hard, subjective, yeah.

Speaker 1 15:13

So I quickly realized I'm not going to make a career out of this. I can't take it. So transferred over to speech pathology, loved every minute of it, and people might not know that about me as well. So I worked five years as a medical speech pathologist in the hospital. Covid hit and I was pregnant at the time, so I decided to step away. And then that's when TikTok got started. Wow.

Speaker 2 15:38

You were TikTok, yeah your new career yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 15:43

My new family.

Speaker 2 15:45

Was it like did you start for fun? Or were you like, hey, we're in this house and I'm going to see if I can make something shape, I mean?

Speaker 1 15:50

it was literally what makes me laugh. Okay, we were all very much like oh, what's this app that everybody's downloading in quarantine? So it was very much like well, I started yodeling.

Speaker 3 16:04

Yeah, how are we going to get a yodel from you? Oh, absolutely, I'm not.

Speaker 1 16:10

She said no, but I will say that kind of started the ball rolling as far as getting followers and I'm like, listen, I'm not trying to be known as the yodeling girl, but go to her TikTok.

Speaker 3 16:23

But do go to her.

Speaker 2 16:23

TikTok, she has like a yodeling section.

Speaker 3 16:26

Yodel mom, yes, it sounds so beautiful. She does not sound like Ricola.

Speaker 2 16:31

Right.

Speaker 3 16:32

But that's what I sounded like earlier.

Speaker 2 16:36

I mean but it was beautiful.

Speaker 3 16:37

But it's like hers has like a, like a. She got a swag. Yeah, that's what it is she got like a swag yodeling yeah.

Speaker 1 16:46

But so I did musical theater, and then I also, when I was growing up, I did a lot of country music as well. So kind of like the lines were blurred. But anyways, that's kind of my story. That's good.

Speaker 3 16:58

Yeah, that's good, and now you're more in the like fashion and beauty and lifestyle, motherhood, all the things. And you're really just giving it to us, and you also started really being an example, I would say, doing the big sister advice and all of that. So what would you say to 20 year old you, right now.

Speaker 1 17:20

First of all, you wouldn't believe that you'd be sitting on a couch doing this. You don't have to have it all figured out. Not everything needs to be X, Y and Z by 24, I'm going to be married and have a kid. That is not what you need to be focusing on. You need to be focusing on yourself and making sure you are good. I got married when I was 22. So I was a baby. We just had our 10-year anniversary.

Speaker 2 17:50

I think if you just need to focus on yourself, you know, when you're 20, 22, when people are telling you that it just doesn't make you feel like you're fighting against it.

Speaker 2 18:05

At this age you've gone marriage and kids and you finally, it clicks so now you try to pass that advice on to a 20-year-old. Enjoy it. Enjoy it and try to make it make sense, Because you don't realize how much your life changes. But when you're 20, you think you want the marriage and you want it and you do, but you never get this moment where it's just about you yes yes.

Speaker 2 18:32

And then even if you don't get married at 22, like, I didn't get married until I was 29, the whole time you're kind of focused on finding your partner, so you're not thinking about you. And then you get married and you're a wife. So now you've become this identity. Then you have kids and you're a mom, and so you've spent your whole life never actually figuring out who you are.

Speaker 3 18:52

I think what helps, too, though, is what we're doing right here, because you have the aunties and the you know random people that will say you know, enjoy your 20s, and all that stuff, but they just say that and they don't say the why or they don't give, like, the examples.

Speaker 3 19:06

So it's been nice to even be able to talk to other women that are saying like okay, no, this is what I focused on, this is what I got to do, and, you know, during that time, this is what I'm doing now, like that is the thing that's important to show the why, because you know, they see us and they see us doing all these things and like but you did this and you had this, and like no, I mean, I had my daughter, my first child, at 20 years old, right, and so I had to do grow up quick. I had to grow up quick, but I'm like no, if I was able to do this, this, this, I would have been even more better off, I guess, if I was just to be able to focus and not be forced to focus, right, 100%.

Speaker 1 19:50

You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 19:51

Totally.

Balance and Adjustments in Life

Speaker 3 19:54

And then try to balance all the things. All the things, because you have to, you know, be growing a human Exactly While I'm trying to grow up. I'm not doing that. Yes, we're in our. I'm 31 years old, 32. Yeah, yeah, you're 32.

Speaker 1 20:07

I'm 32.

Speaker 3 20:08

And no bowtops. Yes and no bowtops.

Speaker 2 20:10

Okay, so I'll take that.

Speaker 3 20:14

But yeah, 32 years old and I'm still like 30s, it's like an advanced 20s?

Speaker 1 20:20

Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 3 20:22

Well, we still don't really have to figure it out.

Speaker 1 20:24

Like 20 year old you. You're like oh, 32 is old.

Speaker 3 20:26

Like no, but it feels like it. Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2 20:29

I'm not at any age. Well younger ages 30, seems like now like 50s, young to me.

Speaker 3 20:35

I'm like, well, you're only 50. I was like, okay, girl.

Speaker 2 20:38

But before that was about 99 years old, 30 was about 70. Yeah, so it changed a little bit. So, since your life has evolved, so you go from like this nine to five woman to this social media creator.

Speaker 1 20:53

Right when it's 20.

Speaker 2 20:54

Yeah, star 24 hour job, so like I don't know, that's the start of the day, yeah. Like you're so busy with your family. You're so busy with your family. You're so busy with your family.

Speaker 1 21:05

You're so busy with your family. You're so busy with your family, right? So I just now so, like I said, just started kindergarten. My son used to always be with me, yeah, so it was very much like he was always under my skin.

Speaker 3 21:16

I'm going to say under my skin.

Speaker 1 21:18

But yes, I mean he was attached to me, so now I'm working so during the day, and a lot of my work is filming. Yeah, I don't like to put my kids on camera that much.

Speaker 1 21:30

When I have to, I have to, and it's just part of what I do, but I want to limit their exposure to that and I don't want them to see me on my phone constantly Like that is my major, like let's not do that but Ultimately, that's what I do now. So he's just now started going to a childcare situation and it has been. It's been really amazing. Because I'm able to be content creator, Ashley, and then come three o'clock, I can go back and I can be mom.

Speaker 1 22:01

And I can feel like Without feeling like you're sweating your time, and I feel accomplished like, okay, I checked all the boxes that I need to check today for work and then now I can put my mom hat back on and really focus on my children and be present.

Speaker 2 22:12

And that's good because people can make you feel guilty about childcare. But I'm like if my kid was here, I'd be ignoring them Exactly, so why not let them play with other kids?

Speaker 1 22:19

Yes, 100% so, and he's getting interaction with other kids, he's getting socialization and that just for me like he's getting to play too, and so it would be very much like baby, I'll play with you in a minute. Like I gotta be on my phone, so yeah, it's been nice.

Speaker 2 22:34

What's been the adjustments for marriage, though? Um?

Speaker 1 22:38

we've come to a point where we're like okay, eight o'clock, no more phones. Oh, cool, like we have to put the phones down because we need some normalcy to like look each other.

Speaker 2 22:49

Yeah, and not hide.

Speaker 1 22:51

Okay, babe, how was your day? Because, with social media. It doesn't shut off.

Speaker 3 22:54

No.

Speaker 1 22:55

It does not stop and there's always going to be messages coming through. What's going on? This got shared, that got shared, so and I'm very much a people pleaser, so like, if you're asking me something online, I'm gonna be like oh, I'm gonna be getting back to you as soon as possible, but you have to draw that line so we can have some time for ourselves for sure.

Speaker 3 23:13

And now we've burnt out, oh, 100%, yeah, it has to be sustainable. So it sounds like you're like building a life of sustainability, because all of this is still pretty new, so fresh.

Speaker 1 23:23

You know, Fresh, yeah, and trying to make sure that it's like the long and there's no. For me it's like there's no blueprint, like yeah, I'm just like blindly figuring it out. So now it's like we've kind of got a rhythm with it for sure.

Speaker 2 23:34

Man, that people pleaser thing can be heavy, though, because I feel like if you're people pleasing, you're not pleasing someone else, even whether that's yourself or your husband or your kids or something. So it's like getting that balance figured out. You look like you have something very important.

Speaker 3 23:47

Oh, yeah, yes, I'm gonna hear it. I'm sorry, guys, I don't know what goes on with my faces sometimes, but it's insane. No, but I was really gonna ask because you were talking about just your day to day, how things go, and you're even just seeing you online. You're like, always like this and so what does you time? Like Ashley time look like, Like what is downtime?

Speaker 1 24:09

for you. I love that. I call it vegging out Okay, vegging out Okay.

Speaker 2 24:16

My mom called it that way back when.

Speaker 1 24:17

But it's really just where I'm able to take my makeup off. My hair is out of my face and a headband and a sheet mask and we're watching Netflix and I'm watching Pride and Prejudice Like period pieces.

Speaker 3 24:32

That is my thing.

Speaker 1 24:33

Yeah, like PBS stuff.

Speaker 2 24:35

Yeah, literally.

Speaker 1 24:36

Literally I was such a nerd, but that's what that is for me and I feel bad saying this. But when my husband will work nights and I would get my kids to sleep, I'm like, oh yes, I get to get in here, I get to get ugly and watch Pride and Prejudice.

Social Media Dreams, Goals, Adjustments

Speaker 3 24:51

Yes yes, no, and would you say like you have moments where you're kind of like you have to fill your cup up in a different way because of whether you know, life happens and things like that. How is that? Because I think when people see someone who is so positive all the time, they kind of like feel like man, how does she do it? Like? How is she always happy? Like, what does that look like on the days that you're not? So?

Speaker 1 25:18

For me, like not every day, is cupcakes and rainbows, right, like that's, and what you see on social media is very much a highlight reel. Right, because no one wants to see.

Speaker 2 25:27

Please don't cry Like oh yeah, that is one thing I promise. Yes, so it's like you also don't want that. It can be yeah.

Speaker 1 25:34

Yeah, but then I keep it. I try to keep it as relatable as possible and I can show up and say, yeah, today was not that day. It was not a good day, but for me it's the joy of the Lord, like just constantly being in prayer and like putting all the glory to him every single day. And that reflects in my plus I'm ADHD too.

Speaker 2 25:54

So it's like very much bouncy all the time.

Speaker 1 25:57

But that's what I've found for me.

Speaker 2 26:00

No, that definitely helps. So a second ago, which is actually like five minutes ago, you talked about like this being new, like being a social media content creator. Do you have like goals around it? Do you have a long game or is it? I'm like here for the ride.

Speaker 1 26:15

I'm here for the ride. I have no idea what the end game is. I say that a lot. I'm like don't know where this is going, but we're here for it.

Speaker 1 26:22

You're like, as long as they want me yeah right, and I've said this a lot it's my season of yes and I wholeheartedly feel like if I am going after things that serve me and my family, then God's going to put the stuff that I'm supposed to be doing in my path, and so if I'm shutting those doors that he's opening, then I'm going to be saying yes to a lot. So, if it fits my conscious and what I see to be good for our family, you have a dream thing.

Speaker 1 26:56

You're like you know what, now that I'm in it.

Speaker 3 26:59

there are certain things that I'm like, oh, I would love to do that. Is there anything like that? Oh, there's multiple things, OK.

Speaker 1 27:06

Multiple things. I mean you want to talk about top tier.

Speaker 2 27:09

Yeah, top tier, you're the dream.

Speaker 1 27:12

OK, ok. So I mean, there's the makeup dream. It's like having your makeup done by celebrity makeup artists. Ok, of course, what else? I love to travel, so going in exotic places going overseas and getting to bring the family and retiring Zach, my husband, that would be a big one. I love that. Yeah, he works very, very hard for our family.

Speaker 2 27:37

So being able to do that would be a dream.

Speaker 1 27:41

This is so ridiculous. Singing with Dolly Parton.

Speaker 3 27:45

Oh, I haven't done Gucci in a decade lately. That's so hard.

Speaker 1 27:49

OK, so Dolly call me. Yes, no doubt I've always loved her.

Speaker 3 27:54

So yeah, that's some goals I love that, though, I mean we'll see you to here when we're at.

Speaker 2 28:01

By this time next year.

Speaker 3 28:03

That's it. That's it, yeah, this time next year.

Speaker 1 28:05

You just never know. Well, you look back and you're like what was I doing last year? Yeah, Do not what I'm doing right now.

Speaker 2 28:10

That's why a lot of stuff like clearly stress exists, anxiety exists, but I don't stay there because I'm like what was I stressing over a year ago? And I might remember it, but it's not what I'm doing right now.

Speaker 3 28:22

So it's like it's just not the big yeah.

Speaker 2 28:24

So am I going to move forward? Like, what am I going to do next? I'm not about to sit here like I can't be one of those and I know some people do this but you know, in the bed every day, just sad about something that happened yesterday or last week, like why not do something else to like change?

Speaker 3 28:38

your circumstances.

Speaker 2 28:41

But the season of yes, how? Does it feel when you say yes to something and you know it's God, but it's not like who you think you are.

Speaker 1 28:48

Like you said yes to something and it's like, ooh, that's good. Oh, I love that. I said yes, but Ooh. Ok, Well here, recently I got asked to sing the national anthem at a rodeo of all things, oh I saw that Did you see that.

Speaker 3 29:04

Yes, I saw that.

Speaker 2 29:05

OK, so a friend of mine.

Speaker 1 29:05

Her husband rides for the PBR and she messaged me and she was like hey, you want to sing the national anthem? I was like, please, no, my husband even grabbed my phone and he text back yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 3 29:17

Good job, good job, good job.

Speaker 1 29:19

And I was like she went to school for this, oh my God. And ultimately I'm like what's the plan here? Like what's the end game? Like why am I putting myself out here and singing the national anthem as a different thing?

Speaker 2 29:33

Like it is true. So that's one of the most judged it is. It is.

Speaker 1 29:38

You can't just ad-lib all the time.

Speaker 2 29:40

No, no. You got to get a grade Like really celebrities have gotten it bad.

Speaker 1 29:45

So that would be the biggest example I can think of here lately that I'm like God what are you doing?

Speaker 3 29:52

So she did well, yeah, ok, I'm going to watch it.

Speaker 2 29:55

Yes, absolutely yes we all Thank you, but you know what?

Speaker 3 29:59

I love that because it also proves that God is so strategic and nothing is wasted, because you know when you're like you went to school for it, you did the thing, and then you were like, ooh, no, this is not it. But it's like God was like no, no, no, I'm not finished. This is a gift that I gave you, and you're still going to use it. And I think sometimes, as moms too, we bury things so deep down.

Speaker 3 30:22

Especially if it's a dream or something, a passion, and we're like I can't do that anymore. I have a family to take care of. I mean, I did that as soon as I became pregnant. I had this dream of being on Broadway and doing all these things. I was like I'm not going to be able to go to auditions every week. I have to take care of a baby. You know what I'm saying. But it was like no, but I could still use you, I could still do the thing. So I want to encourage the moms out there who have buried dreams and they feel like that was a waste of time. And I did this for a moment. It was a season. It was a season. Now that thing is going to spin the block. That's so true.

Speaker 2 30:56

Because you can't act shy when Dolly comes up.

Speaker 3 30:59

You can't be like oh, I know.

Speaker 1 31:00

Dolly comes up, I mean, I mean, but that's so true, I love that. That's so, so true. And, like I said, if you would have told me two or three years ago, like these seeds that God has planted in me, he's bringing them out now. And they're making I hope they're making fruit and it's like, oh my gosh, I'm seeing hindsight's 2020. You're like, oh, that's what that was for and that's what. Ok, all the theatrics and the slainists and the dancing.

Speaker 2 31:29

Now, but you're using it all.

Speaker 3 31:32

Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 31:33

Yes, everything. But how was the adjustment when you went from speech pathologist to this, like telling your husband or like your friends?

Speaker 1 31:40

Friends I was going to say that, yes, how'd that go?

Speaker 2 31:42

Like what'd they?

Speaker 1 31:42

think Like, oh, Like I'm doing this full time. Yeah, I mean, it kind of was gradual, so it wasn't like OK, so she's getting more and more quote unquote attention online. Ok, so it's been good.

Speaker 2 31:53

So the poof was already there, yeah.

Speaker 1 31:55

Kind of, and I've always been theatrical, I've been kind of silly, but I've just kind of. But leaving the nine to five to be silly online is true. No, that's so true. Yes, that is so true. Well, in my time In a good job, in a good job, yeah, my master's degree is just sitting there on the fast wire, yeah, but yeah, no, that, and it's been wild to because, like a master's degree, I'm not using it and that's another way. God's kind of just reframed everything yeah.

Speaker 1 32:24

And it's like OK, now you're going to do this and try this out. Yeah, but yeah, there's pieces of things that I pull from throughout my life that has helped me along the way?

Speaker 3 32:36

Yeah, have your relationships changed at all, especially as you become bigger and you know people?

Speaker 1 32:43

get weird and I'll be honest, I don't have a lot of girlfriends OK.

Speaker 2 32:50

And it's not that I haven't. She got married at 22.

Speaker 1 32:54

I did. That is so true.

Speaker 2 32:55

Is that why?

Speaker 1 32:57

So he's my best friend. And so it's not that I put walls up, it's just that if I'm gonna have extra time to spend, I'm gonna wanna spend it with my husband, and I'm gonna. He's my best friend.

Speaker 3 33:07

And that makes it.

Speaker 1 33:08

I don't do girls nights. Like I don't do when we live so far in the country like when she has her time, she's on the couch watching TV.

Speaker 3 33:18

Yeah, that makes it and I have two sisters.

Speaker 1 33:21

So, and if we do go do girly things, that's who I'm gonna do it with. Yeah so it's very much that, but I always keep my heart open and always keep my I can be friends with anybody.

Speaker 2 33:33

Yeah, literally, Like clearly there's no judgment. I just started. I've always had like friends, but once I got married, like I was, we did everything together, we traveled together, we did Such a person. Yeah, and so if I had free time, especially I'm an only child, so I'm gonna go by myself with that extra time.

Speaker 1 33:50

I'm comfortable by myself.

Speaker 2 33:51

Very comfortable. I'll go out to the movies by myself.

Speaker 1 33:53

Listen, I'll eat by myself.

Speaker 2 33:55

Like I don't need to wait for anybody to do anything, so I'm fine. So if I'm not with him, I'm with me. But over the last year I've definitely realized, like, the importance of girlfriends in those relationships and so it's changed a lot and I think that's been really helpful. But I totally understand. I was like I'm good.

Speaker 1 34:13

I'm good, I'm fine. Well, and that's something that maybe a goal for me too is to kind of open myself up for that as well, I was gonna ask you, because you don't Sometimes that you had more, like because there's no village. There is zero village for me. My family lives five hours away, and so it is me. It's me and my husband, and so it's just very much. I do miss having a village, but it's hard to make mom friends, it is, it's very hard.

Speaker 1 34:41

Elle goes to dance, and so we'll sit out there All the dance. Moms will sit and talk. And you know very much that, but I hate small talk. I am not a small talk person.

Speaker 2 34:49

I'm so weird.

Speaker 3 34:50

I was like you do the small talk and go home, but you're not like friends, you know that one where you're like there's some meme going around that's like, do you ever leave a social situation? And it was like that was not my best friend.

Speaker 1 35:01

Yes, that's me. That's me all the time, literally, or like I overshared Majorly.

Speaker 2 35:06

Well, that's usually me, because I'm not good at like the small, small talk. I just am saying the most random stuff. Well, I was gonna say something random, because I always feel like I had to talk in situations because I don't want the person to feel like because I can look really mean. So I'm like hey, blah, blah and I'm just talking. I'm like I really don't want to talk, but we're gonna talk yeah. We're gonna talk. I'm gonna make it weird. She's gonna have a random bet. I'm gonna drop the ball on you and walk away.

Speaker 2 35:28

I got random bets for days. I love that the hyena one came to me first.

Speaker 3 35:32

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that right now. Nope, I'll tell y'all, we'll save it for later. We'll save it for later. So, okay, a village is the thing, because you know what? Yeah, we on our platform, we talk so much about community and village and I think we get that comment a lot about. Well, okay, you guys talk about a village, but how are you making friends? Like, as soon as I became a mom, it's actually when I lost my village. Like, did you? But you probably didn't really even experience that Well, and that's why TikTok's been so beautiful.

Speaker 1 36:00

Okay For me, because it's given me this sense of community. You're like I got my internet friends.

Speaker 2 36:04

Yes, I love that. It's actually my thing.

Speaker 3 36:06

Okay.

Speaker 2 36:07

Don't underestimate internet friends, they are.

Speaker 1 36:10

I hope that they feel the same way, like that it's reciprocated and it's very much like your wins are my wins, like I want to support you and lift you up and that's what's been beautiful for me too, cause it's like I can sit down and do girly things with girls. Yeah, but I don't have to go out.

Speaker 2 36:29

Yeah, that's why I'm like, that's why I'm all with you. Before, like this past year, I was definitely like an internet girly person.

Speaker 1 36:36

I'm like people are so like.

Speaker 2 36:38

It's just so easy we get to have all these conversations. I watch a lot of TV. We can talk about that. We can do all the things. We just don't have to like. Leave the house, yes.

Speaker 1 36:45

I'd love to cope with it and I'm it was great. I want to make it super authentic too. Like what you see, is what you get with me, and I'm going to keep it real with you, like if I do sponsor stuff, I'm always going to tell you yeah. Or like if something's gifted to me which feels icky.

Speaker 3 37:02

Sometimes it does, it feels weird.

Speaker 1 37:04

I've got boxes come in and, like you know, I always am like gosh this just looks like so much surplus.

Speaker 3 37:10

Yeah.

Speaker 1 37:11

And like what do you do with all of that? You know, I'm like it's rough sometimes.

Speaker 2 37:16

But I always like to be transparent. Give a way to your internet friends. Yeah, always try, yes, and donating, because a lot of mom content is now sponsored content. So it's like trying to get it. Like especially the stuff you really do like but it's an ad it's like, but this one's real, really, I really like this one.

Speaker 1 37:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, totally. It's like and I always am very clear to brands I'm like, look, I'm going to use this for a while before I decide to work with you. Oh, yes, because it's got to be authentic.

Speaker 3 37:43

Because I cannot I can't lie. I can't lie for anything. Well, she is definitely real. If you guys ever guessed or anything like that, she's your real friend, Like you were, like she's my friend, but like in my head no, not in your head she's your real friend.

Speaker 1 37:56

She's like shoot me DMs. Yes, I'll try. I'll try to get to you.

Speaker 2 37:59

I promise.

Speaker 1 38:00

It's like we're real friends.

Speaker 3 38:01

Yes, now we have one last question yes, what do you think moms actually need to hear?

Speaker 1 38:08

Hmm, for me, I feel like moms need to know that it's OK to take time for yourself and to not feel guilty about it.

Speaker 2 38:20

Yes.

Speaker 1 38:20

And you can still do all the beauty things. You can still take time for your hair, like for me, having that hour to put my makeup on in the morning is my time. It is my time to center myself, it's my time to pray, it's my time to talk with followers. So there is a little waste in the back of your head as a mom. It's like why are you doing this? Yeah, Like why are you taking time? You're just running kids to school.

Speaker 1 38:47

You're just making lunches, but don't feel guilty about that. I love that.

Gratitude and Appreciation for Motherhood

Speaker 3 38:55

Take time for yourself. Never feel guilty about it, Because we hear so much when the moms are like I don't have time to get all dressed. That's why we dress up here.

Speaker 1 39:02

Yeah, it must be nice to have all the time to do that, yeah.

Speaker 2 39:06

But you have a beautiful makeup room. So now I know why.

Speaker 3 39:09

It's because you're like this is my time. Yes.

Speaker 1 39:11

This is my space. It's my little, my sheath shed. Yes, my cave, my cave, yes.

Speaker 2 39:17

No, but that now makes more sense, because I was like, wow, she has a whole room for makeup, that's a lot of makeup. But now it's like, if that's your time, like that's my space.

Speaker 1 39:26

That's my space, my time is laying in bed longer.

Speaker 2 39:30

I feel that too. That's my time. That's why the face doesn't get done in the hairs in a bun Because I'm like I will wait for the last 30 seconds when it gets you on to Peatless Crawlings.

Speaker 3 39:37

Yeah, Ashley, we are so grateful that you have come and hung out with us.

Speaker 2 39:41

Thank you, we just sat in the couch.

Speaker 3 39:42

And not only inspired but really just gave your story too, Because I think it's really important to give the mom the voice that they don't often get to share in that way.

Speaker 1 39:52

So thank you so much. Thank you for having me seriously. I really appreciate you, thank you.

Speaker 3 39:58

We really appreciate you guys. Make sure if you are not following Ashley, go ahead and give her a follow. It's going to be somewhere up here. Her handle and make sure if you're not following us and you came by way of Ashley. Hello, nice to meet you. Now go ahead and subscribe and get cozy here, ok, but thank you guys so much for watching Mom's. Actually, where we're meant to come to sign in for it, absolutely Ya-ha.