Moms Actually
Moms Actually is a motherhood community that aims to redefine motherhood and break away from the unhealthy expectations society has placed on women.
Our community provides spaces for women to authentically relate to each other in a society that often prioritizes appearances over genuine experiences.
We host a visual podcast that addresses the experiences of womanhood, sisterhood and motherhood through candid and transparent discussions We have discussed a range of topics, including marriage, dating, single motherhood, body image, miscarriage and child loss, blended families, the impact of social media, entrepreneurship, mental health and much more.
Watch or listen on MomsActually.com, YouTube and all podcast platforms. Join our community on Instagram and Facebook.
Moms Actually
How to Turn Your Dreams into Reality Ft. Liane V Benjamin
Every mom knows the juggling act of work-life balance is not easy, it's our daily reality. Our guest, Liane V Benjamin joined us to share her honest take on following your dreams, relationships and motherhood.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Her journey over the past decade
- How she worked hard to get to a life she visualized
- Her Christianity
- Her advice for those going through a breakup
- How to forgive in a relationship and start over
- Chasing her aspirations while keeping her identity intact
We opened up about the struggle to stay present for both family and career, and the incredible importance of fitting in that girl time—because let’s face it, we all need it. Leanne V shared her insights on setting boundaries and maintaining friendships amidst the chaos of motherhood. We navigated the complexities of wanting to be there for every little moment, while also chasing our own aspirations and keeping our identities intact.
Liane's journey through breakup and self-love offers a good look at the strength needed to keep one's personal values at the forefront.
★ New Episodes are released on Thursdays on YouTube and Podcast Platforms.
★ Did You Like What You Heard? Please Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe!
★ Interested in advertising? Email: heyma@momsactually.com
Want to Watch?
Follow Us on Instagram
Shop the Merch
Join our Facebook Community
When you come to LA, you just have stars in your eyes, Like I'm here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to make my dreams a reality. This is what God is calling me to do. You're just so excited and it hits you real quick. Reality is not easy.
Speaker 3:There's so many people. I gave everybody the same drink.
Speaker 1:What's up, what's up, hey Mom, what's?
Speaker 2:up. Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up? Welcome back to Moms. Actually, my name is Morgan and I am Blair, and we have here Leanne, leanne V, hello, thank you so much for coming, so excited to be here.
Speaker 1:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:Yes, Introduce yourself really quick, bragging yourself. This is your moment.
Speaker 1:My name is Leanne V. I'm from Northern California, I am in social media, I do a lot of beauty, fashion, fitness, lifestyle, family, everything. She's running down the list. She's running down the list.
Speaker 2:Social media. Yeah, so we are so excited to have you. Thank you so much for coming to sit on the couch with us. You guys know the drill we're going to have some good, candid conversation, so let's just jump right into our game. It's giving motherhood. Are you ready? Let's do it.
Speaker 1:You're like what is it? It's giving motherhood. So you're asking about the paddles Yep.
Speaker 2:Like what's this, what is this?
Speaker 3:You're about to find out. All right, here we go. So this is our little icebreaker game so we can get to know each other a little bit more. So the gold side is going to be your yes, or the first option. The white side is going to be your no, or?
Speaker 1:the second option.
Speaker 3:Ok, yes, no, I'm like yes, no first, second, all right, and then just ask if it gets confused. But, the secret to this game is your first answer is the right answer.
Speaker 1:Trust me. Good, here we go.
Speaker 3:Let's do this. Do you believe in traditional gender roles? What? Like I say yes, Leanne says yes.
Speaker 2:Can you just explain it a little bit? Like do you mean like the wife always has to be the one cooking? I would say, like certain you know, like domestic is more.
Speaker 3:I would say domestic is more like the female thing, the outside stuff is maybe more the male things. Like I feel like if you wanted to stay home and not work like that would be OK.
Speaker 1:I'm like I want to be right here, so I'm going to be right in the middle.
Speaker 2:I'm in the middle too, yeah, because there are certain things that I'm like I do and there are certain things that he does.
Speaker 1:But I feel like I'm not touching the trash.
Speaker 3:So I would say yes. The only reason I want to say no is because. So I'm saying yes because I would want him to be more flexible on the female stuff, but I don't want to do any of his stuff. Right. So it's like yes, I would want you to help with the dishes in the laundry. But no, I'm not mowing the lawn or taking out the trash oh, none of that. So I believe it should be flexible on our side, because we have more stuff, ok, all right, but otherwise I believe in.
Speaker 3:yeah, so that's why I believe in. Ok, next question.
Speaker 1:Wait. I want to say why, yes, why I feel like from me, me and my husband, or even with my child. I feel like in the family and our household everyone is like operates in their masculine and feminine energy. So it's hard, because sometimes I enjoy being outside and doing hard work, and sometimes Dawn does the dishes in laundry. Like it's just, it depends on how we feel and we kind of just do the teamwork things OK.
Speaker 2:That's all makes the dream work. I'm 100% there for sure. Did you feel any pressure to snap back?
Speaker 1:Yes, I did Pressure, I didn't because no one's looking at me.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I'm not surprised by your answer, but no one was checking for me. I didn't feel it because I was so young. So no one was like yeah, I had my baby.
Speaker 1:Because you just snapped back right away.
Speaker 3:You didn't even have to think about it.
Speaker 2:I was a fresh 20. So I'm like mm.
Speaker 3:I will say I didn't know. After you have a baby, you still look pregnant, because on TV that's not how it happens and some women do look like they just like are back to normal right away.
Speaker 1:So everyone's, different.
Speaker 3:So where was your pressure coming from?
Speaker 1:You know, being in the public eye and being an influence to my followers, I feel like you have well. A part of me feels like I just want to be perfect.
Speaker 1:But at the same time, I have to be realistic to our life and how our bodies are and everyone's body is different, heals differently. So I feel like I did care and felt the pressure, but at the same time I didn't allow it to change my mindset, to being hard on myself, and I think it's normal to be hard on yourself because you just go through these emotions, especially having a baby, your hormones are everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, very so.
Speaker 1:you're just like you know, I just want to be happy and healthy and I think I was just really excited to get back to my normal routine, which was important because I just I missed being able to be active and it is nice to have everyone want to help and do things for you, but then later on you're like I just want to do things.
Speaker 3:You're like I'm going to do a body's help?
Speaker 1:Yes, but I mean, yeah, I did feel the pressure.
Speaker 3:So the next question have you ever ditched an event or plans with your friends and blamed the kids? I have.
Speaker 1:I think it's a real excuse.
Speaker 2:I'm sure I have. I feel like I have at some point, I'm sure.
Speaker 3:I have I'm pretty honest, but I'm like I could imagine one day just kind of like over over serving yeah, like it wasn't that big of a deal, like the kids said they needed me, but they really didn't.
Speaker 2:And then I made it like oh no, I have to go back to the house right now. Yeah, I could have definitely done that type of thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not the same. Sure, I've done that before. Sorry y'all, Definitely. I mean I was ready to go. My husband was like this is honestly the best answer you can excuse, you can say because it's real, Like yes, Like you're not lying, it's a lie.
Speaker 2:Because they always need you. Yes, you're like I got to go to kids, kids first, or I don't. When I don't, that's what I do. When I don't feel like finding a sitter, I'll just be like, ah, I can't because I don't have a sitter. I didn't try.
Speaker 3:What about your parents? That happens.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, no, Well, I don't live with close-up animals. Oh OK, so you can't say that yeah.
Speaker 3:So it's like, so it's legit.
Speaker 1:So it's cheesy yeah dang Like.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you so, anybody who's heard that from my head. It's the truth, it is the truth, it's the truth.
Speaker 2:Ok, me next. Sorry y'all. All right, Did your intimacy change after baby?
Speaker 1:I would say middle, middle. Yeah, I think we're on the same like mental direction, with our intimacy. I feel, like we're very honest and open about how we feel with our intimacy. So I feel like it's the same, but yeah.
Speaker 3:I think we're more tired. Yeah, I was gonna say. That was literally what I was gonna say we're just tired, so I'm like you tired me too, okay, goodnight. Yeah, perfect, and that's what it is. It's like I'm tired, it's mutual. But if you want to, I would yeah, you good, okay, great.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna hold you, I mean waiting for him to be like I'm tired, like good, but you gotta pretend like you're the one ready so you're not the only one saying no, you be like I mean. I was ready. I was ready, I mean, I was good. And you'll be like okay and you're like wait, no, I can't wait to go for a sit down. If I say I'm ready, then he's immediately untired, Immediately untired.
Speaker 1:Yeah, being tired is the real thing. You don't want to do anything, I just wanna sleep.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, just lay there. Okay. So do you believe it's possible for parents to parent equally? No, no, no, I don't. I always say you could be the best father in the world and I'm gonna say, like in a two parent household because I don't know if it's like a single father and a mother no longer exists than maybe he does. But in a two parent household, no, and I don't care how much, it's just different. Yes.
Speaker 1:I agree it's tough. I feel like everyone, especially your significant other they could be raised a different way. Everyone's just different. So you kind of have to figure it out together, and that was one thing I feel that was a challenge in our relationship was figuring out the roles and the responsibilities for each other. For me, I'm gonna end up wanting to do everything.
Speaker 3:And then you will get to do more than you should. You will get to do, and then you get a little resentful. You don't want to, but you can't help it. They're sleeping and you're like I'm awake. Two am, five am.
Speaker 1:So I think it's a conversation we had to have so that we can both be happy.
Speaker 2:And I think too, it's just never going to be equal in totality, like in life when we always say like 80, 20. So there's gonna be a time in life or a season where he's able to give 80 and I'm only able to give 20. And then vice versa Right now, when we travel and all that stuff, I'm giving a lot less than 80 and he has to pick up this lack, and that's. We just keep looking.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's honestly. I feel like that's what keeps our relationship happy, and the fact that you guys can do that and balance each other is so important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because the more 50-50 is just everybody sitting there and their cells up for failure.
Speaker 3:No, I just know if I leave the house, I have prepared 100 things for him.
Speaker 2:Yes, let the house Nothing, yeah, nothing Like you got like a course, like what.
Speaker 3:That too I didn't even think about that.
Speaker 2:Like when I do leave, I still prep so many things.
Speaker 3:So you did the other 30% before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yep, I did. That's crazy, that's true. Okay, let's see. Do you believe you've mastered the work-life balance? I feel like I'm here again.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm still learning to balance everything, because every day is so different, the baby's changing and some nights she will be fussier than others. I feel like I'm still learning to balance everything. And also with our lifestyle, social media, especially with the things that go on what's trending, what's happening. We try to balance what's the priority to talk about, what content is trending on TikTok, or we need to do this video because this is going viral. So I feel like it's just a balance of everything and sometimes, out of nowhere, things can happen with real life stuff. So we just try to keep up with everything and we have a good rhythm. I feel like the thing is that's really hard as a creator. You don't have a clock-in-clock-out situation, so you just can keep going, and there was a time where I feel like I ran myself to the ground, where I have no breaks, and even my breaks is me editing in my phone.
Speaker 3:Especially when your partner is your husband and your family. So you really never yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:I feel like we had to figure out a schedule that was healthy for both of us, where Monday through Friday we're working Weekends, we have to turn off our phones or just at least put it aside and make sure we're in the presence of art, with our family and being present. So I think it's super important, and I've also learned to capture content and put my phone down and edit later.
Speaker 3:Because it's so hard. Does it ever make you?
Speaker 1:I mean, I used to, but it's so refreshing to be in the moment and to just enjoy. And a lot of my family members are like I don't know how you get this content. And then you come up with this whole video at the end Like how are you filming? And you were here, so I've just learned how to just get it and put my phone down so I can really be involved. But I feel like I've mastered it, but I'm still learning with the new lifestyle and the challenges that happen.
Speaker 3:No, I said no. You know I don't believe in work-life balance. It's like balance means even to me. I believe in work-life integration. You figure out how to make something work and you know if I have to work more for two weeks and then, like, I have to figure out later on or maybe it never gets because there is no balance, it doesn't get balanced later and sometimes stuff is a lot more upfront so you can have that time later on. But I'm a work-at-home, you know, entrepreneur as well, so it's easy to make every single day a work day. But you can also control your schedule. It's when you no longer feel like you can control it, when you let your schedule start controlling you.
Speaker 3:And you have to remind yourself, like I would tell my husband all the time I'm like they can't do it without you. So like if they got to wait, they have to wait, and if they keep going then you know that might not be the thing for you. So not being afraid of like losing an opportunity because you turned off, but you also just have to understand.
Speaker 3:Sometimes, because you're trying to build something, I'm going to be working more than I will, you know, two years from now or three years from now, and that's got to be okay, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think for me, I would say I've mastered the idea of work-life balance and I am so close to really really being strong in boundaries, because that's really what it's all about.
Speaker 2:Yes, and boundaries, especially, like Blair said, like being an entrepreneur working from home and really and you two like never really cutting off is really about where the boundaries are and having that balance. And I love that you use the word rhythm, because I use that word all the time. Yes, about just having the rhythm. Sometimes the rhythm is literally like this Right, and then sometimes the rhythm is like you know, a smooth jazz type situation. Yes, so I feel like I have mastered that, because I know when my life is going to be crazy and then when my life is going to be smooth.
Speaker 1:I think, too, the journey of balancing and mastering this whole juggling situation of how we have so much is not feeling guilty taking a break. Yes, because I think, as you know an entrepreneur and someone that you just want to be the best you could be and provide and work and make sure you're doing everything you need to do to be the best version of yourself. It's so much pressure that you put on yourself where you feel guilty to even take a break sometimes, or when you. Because my mom, she's such a hard worker.
Speaker 1:I get my work ethic from my mother and I feel like she's because my parents and Dawn's mom lives with us, yeah, and they're retired. They live with us. We take care of them, but they also take care of us. They cook, they clean, they do so much and help. That's great, but seeing my mom like she never sits still and so it makes me feel better. I'm like I got to get up too and like clean and help you because you're over here gardening and brooming. I want to blow the leaves and I just feel like I just always want to make sure I'm doing my part. But I think the guilty part is the most thing, the most important thing where we don't make ourselves feel bad about taking a break because it's so important Exactly.
Speaker 3:Because you would want your daughter to take a break. Yes, yes, like even if you are running around the house, and this is probably what your mom wants for you. Like you don't want to see your daughter, like I'm running around, so you don't have to run around.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know yeah.
Speaker 3:But it's easy to say that she's a little like.
Speaker 1:it's just so much. She's gonna do the same thing Like mommy. You make me want to work. Yeah, exactly, it's so hard, though it is Because you want to be great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's the thing. It's like, I'm like I'm not great yet, so I have to keep going. So that's, I feel that. I feel that.
Speaker 3:I mean that answers the next question. Oh my, gosh you did.
Speaker 2:The next question literally is about do you experience mom guilt? Oh yes, oh my god, mom guilt is so real.
Speaker 1:Yes, I, oh my god, I get it. I didn't understand it before. Especially I feel it when I leave the house, even for just going to the grocery store, because I just want to be with my baby and I think maybe it's your firstborn?
Speaker 3:I don't know.
Speaker 1:Because I'm like, I feel like I just want to be there to help all the time, because, I don't know, maybe it's mom guilt leaving her.
Speaker 2:I think it's different forms of mom guilt too, because I will say I will run to the grocery store without my kids, like I hate taking my kids to the grocery store, to target, I don't like taking them out to the stores and stuff. I'm excited you also have three kids.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm gonna have one. Yes.
Speaker 2:But it's different, like you know, different levels to the mom guilt For sure.
Speaker 3:No, yeah, even my first. I did not want to take them anywhere, but I have like postpartum anxiety. I was gonna say, part of it's also like an evolutionary pool. Yeah, you're still in your postpartum period, like you, so that means you have hormones running through you that keep you close to your child and, like other hormones like if you're depression or anxiety you can feel like you don't want to be or others. So it's like, it's like an evolutionary bind that wants you close to your daughter.
Speaker 1:So there's, you know I think I'll feel better when she can communicate better. Oh yes, so I can understand, because she's Zaya is a little, I wouldn't say a hard baby, but a very particular baby. She likes to be held a certain way. Oh yes, I feel like she likes to face out.
Speaker 1:My mommy knows and my mom does too, and it's funny and interesting to live with my mom, with my baby, because I'm the baby of the family and her baby had a baby. So her parenting and also teaching me, and I'm like I want to do it this way and she's like, well, you came out fine and it's just oh, oh, oh.
Speaker 3:That is the conversation of generations.
Speaker 1:Yes, so I mean there are obviously pros and cons living with your family, but it's so much of a blessing for me and Dawn so I, you know, feel that it's just the best situation for us, because even when I leave I don't feel as bad, because I know that they're watching and spending time with her? Yes, so you figure it out Especially like you said, before they can speak.
Speaker 3:I think that's one thing that did get to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you're like what is?
Speaker 3:wrong with you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what age is it that they can really express? Every child is different.
Speaker 2:Okay, my first child. She was speaking at like 10 and a half months, like she was full sentences before she was one. Yeah, then my second child didn't really talk for real until she was like two and a half, wow. And then my third, same as my first, wow. He was talking by one.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 3:See every thing is different, but I understand that, because if you leave them, if something happens, you want them to be able to explain and express themselves for sure, exactly so. Last question, and then we are done with the game. Do you still prioritize girl time, or do you seldom get to enjoy it Since?
Speaker 1:you've been on one. I do. Okay, I do. How do you do that?
Speaker 3:I said yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, especially in this past You've been doing great.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've been doing really great. Well, this is my girl time right now. Yeah, this is the one. I prioritized it. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:And I come from a family with three girls. I have two older sisters and I have such an amazing bond with my girls and also a lot of my girls have kids, oh good. So we all come together and do dinners, and there's been a lot of birthdays. So I feel like when I feel like becoming a mom, I move with more intention and purpose, where my time has to make sense. Yes, or else it's going to her or I'm sleeping.
Speaker 2:Yes, because I don't get no sleep. Yes, yes, yes, I love that.
Speaker 1:I feel like me and the girls do try to prioritize our best to have dinners or even movie nights. So I feel like it is important. You know my girls are important to me.
Speaker 2:I love that. Yes, I try. That's really good. Well, I want to ask you, because you are, you know, the social media influencer. You ran down the list of all the things that you do, but what is something that your audience doesn't get to see often, or something that you would love to talk about more but you don't get to talk about as often as you would like?
Speaker 1:You know I so I grew up in a Christian household. My dad was a pastor and I actually like talking about my faith, talking about just my faith walk honestly. Like social media, there's so many other things that we talk about, but no one really asks about that part, even if I talk about it a little bit people, it's just not like the hot topic, but I would love to talk about it more because I feel like it's a big part of my life. Growing up and living out here in LA, that was my number. One thing is my faith.
Speaker 3:That's a good thing. Well, you got two Christian girls over here I do. I'm gonna ask, like, how do you stay focused on it, especially in somewhere like LA, especially?
Speaker 1:It is a challenge because moving to LA, there's so many distractions and you just want to especially make and build relationships with different people and I feel like the most important thing to me moving out to LA is making sure that you focus on your purpose and not letting anyone or anyone take you away from what you know, that you want. I feel like when you come to LA, you got to already know what you want to do and who you are. Yes, who you are and being okay with who you are and expressing who you are to the people that you meet. But at the same time, you know you, you realize you meet people, you go through experiences that can also shift and change your mindset, but also staying true to who you are through that experience, because you know, you think about it, you're not the same person you were a year ago. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Two years ago, three years ago At all.
Speaker 1:So being yourself is always a challenge too, because you're evolving constantly and experiences always change you and your perspective in life. And being a mom it's like, yeah, I feel like I care so much more about the most important things I didn't really think about before, like the respect that I have more for my mom, like you've been doing these for me before I can remember, I think, church, having a good circle of friends and being consistent with whatever you feel that helps you stay grounded. If it's hanging out with your friends, that and going to Bible study or church or journaling, I think it's just important to do those things that keep you grounded, because there's going to be times where you'll be pulled so many ways and you just have to make sure you're aligned, and I think that was what helped me.
Speaker 3:To ever get off the walk because, especially being a PK, like sometimes, you fight against it. Yep.
Speaker 1:I for sure have, and I think that you feel that conviction in your heart where you're like you know what I don't feel right and God will tell you in certain circumstances and conversations where this isn't really me, you know, and I feel also I've been judged and some of my family members are like, oh, you're a Christian girl, why are you going to LA? This is the most like, this is the devil's playground. Why are you here? And my dad was the biggest supporter for that and expressing to me, saying you know, you are a light and you have to go to a dark place to be a light.
Speaker 2:Jesus was hanging out with all the people With all the folks, if you're in a church with all the other people like you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think that's um, that's what I would have to say.
Speaker 2:Well, I would ask you, though you said you want to talk about it more Is there something that kind of hinders you from talking about it more where you feel like, because there's such judgment or because maybe it's not the hot topic, that you kind of shy away from it, or even the fact that, like I think too, there is some cookie cutter version of what people think a Christian woman is supposed to look like.
Speaker 2:And so we get this idea in our head and then when we see something different, it's like it's kind of shocking. But I would say I would think that if people saw you talk more about it, you would inspire women who are like oh my gosh, she looks like me, and so this is possible.
Speaker 1:You can also scare people away because people Christianity's like had such a negative like feeling sometimes with people growing up I remember I saw I grew up in a Christian school, that I went to a public school freshman year, but I used to be like, like talking to my dad, I'm like dad, I just want to talk to her about God and she doesn't want to talk about it.
Speaker 3:And my dad's like you can't force people.
Speaker 1:I've learned you can't bang people on the Bible.
Speaker 1:Your example is who you are and what you reflect is just the reflection of what you want to teach. So I'm just like I don't have to say his name. If I'm just living this lifestyle and sharing it and then eventually, hopefully, like even someone wants to talk about it, you talk about it. But I've been freely talking about it on social media here and there. Again, I don't want to be a preacher, that's not like unless I feel that that's my calling in that situation. But I always try to sneak it in in conversations where I feel that can be relatable and helpful for people that are searching for that kind of light or conversation. But for my content, I try to always showcase love, showcase just being a good person and showcasing the love that I have for my family and, yeah, just reflecting through example.
Speaker 3:I think if more people do that, I think you know we can make Jesus cool you know. Jesus is cool Because people have been so anti-religious because they think, oh, they're so judgmental.
Speaker 2:They're like oh, you didn't know. Like.
Speaker 3:I'm Christian and I love you.
Speaker 2:I love you, and that's why we do what we do, even on our platform. Like everybody knows if you've been following us for a while we love the. Lord, it's very important to be able to show that it doesn't have to look a certain way, and we are the light and you know. Whatever you think is different about us is because we know the Lord.
Speaker 1:Yes, right, it's the light.
Speaker 3:Yes, I'll say we're faith-based, not necessarily faith-forward. Yes, Like you know, unless God says, talk about it be it fun, but otherwise you're going to get it.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes.
Speaker 3:It's going to come out different people you mentioned. You're not even the same person as you were a year ago. So let's talk about your evolution over the last 10 years. The last 10 years Because you were. Was it at a car dealership?
Speaker 1:I've worked so many jobs. The car dealership was the last job I was working before I did social media.
Speaker 3:Okay, and so, like, from there to now, like, could you have imagined it? And then, how do you, how do you think you've gotten here?
Speaker 1:You know. So, looking back, thinking about the Lee Ann that just moved out here, I mean, this whole journey was a roller coaster. It was never smooth. I feel that I've always been discovering myself in every chapter of my life and I think that when I moved out here I remembered this was before social media. The main advice was like you just got to go out there. You got a network.
Speaker 1:You got a network. And how do you network? You just go to these events and you have to go to these red carpet events and dance classes, acting classes. It's just so many things that you want to put your foot in the door so that you can build relationships. So that's what I pretty much did at first, just till I found something that clicked with me, Because when you come to LA, you just have stars in your eyes Like I'm here.
Speaker 2:This is it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to make my dreams a reality. This is what God is calling me to do. You're just so excited and it hits you real quick. Reality it is not easy.
Speaker 3:There's so many people. I gave everybody the same dream.
Speaker 1:Right. I'm like, hey, this girl's telling me to this person and it's like it feels like what people were saying growing up. They're like it's too much of a competition when you move to LA, it's not realistic, you're going to come back and move back to Modesto. So, again, my faith really helped me stay focused and I felt that this is my purpose and I'm going to really succeed and figure it out whether, if it takes me, however long it takes me.
Speaker 1:My mom was like let's just think of it as a college trip where you go for a few years and come right back if it doesn't work out. But they still supported me, especially being Filipino. I know my Filipinos can feel me because they want you to be a nurse or a doctor, anything in the medical field, and I just didn't feel like that was what my heart wanted to do. And so, again, moving out here, taking all these classes, my first job was Island Burger, which I loved because I got some free fries, and then also I walkano, then a tanning salon job, then I was an independent contractor delivering totes and boxes from the airport.
Speaker 1:It's just so many different things, people do not know who they got Boxing.
Speaker 1:Wow, and I got to do red carpet hosting. I was able to do what else? I've just done so many different things in the industry just to meet people. So from a hopeful dreamer to go get her really focusing and working so hard and facing my fears like head on, I'm like I'm going to figure it out and I'm going to fake it till I make it, because I remember YouTube. I was doing YouTube and it's so crazy because I used to do just this and pretend I'm getting interviewed from someone. So I'll be looking like this oh for that question, you know, and now I'm really getting interviews. I just really cool, but I used to fake my interviews to make it seem as I was you know somebody.
Speaker 1:Oh, I see You're preparing, like you said, fake it till you make it and so doing that and trying to understand the industry and meeting different producers, and I mean I just love the creative art of just everything in Hollywood, but it does come with something, you know you got to really figure out, you know what you want.
Speaker 1:And so I was working a part time at the dealership in Burbank as a car salesman and on the weekends I was touring as a backup singer for this artist, dev, which was an amazing opportunity for me because I was traveling. That was my first time I went to the Philippines and traveled and performed, so I was able to have these opportunities, traveling and just, you know, living this dream, enjoying to do, you know, things outside of an office. I always wanted to just be creative and, you know, just do what I enjoy doing. And so from then on, I remember from the dealership, my lunch break I'd run and do Vine videos at my friend's house. So Vine was pretty much what allowed me to accumulate millions of followers, which overflowed to Instagram and there was no TikTok at the time, it was called Musically.
Speaker 2:That's what I remember. Okay, that's what me and Layla used to be. Okay, and Musically was fun too. It was a fun time so.
Speaker 1:I just remembered every app that came out. I'm going to go on it and I'm going to try to just build a following, and I feel like just that hustle inside me allowed me to be able to build the following. And I don't want to fast forward to now but through that journey, just constant videos being consistent with content and really being intentional with what I want my viewers to watch me for.
Speaker 1:Like, okay, I want to do beauty, I want to do fashion. So I'm going to start incorporating that and even though I didn't know how to do makeup, I'm taught.
Speaker 3:I literally had to teach myself how to do.
Speaker 1:No girl, I did not.
Speaker 3:You know how to do it. No, I'm like she did this.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to do that wing too and figure it out, come on. So literally I just figured it out and took one step at a time, and that's pretty much how I got here. It's just, there's so many different opportunities that God will open doors for you when you allow yourself to just go for it, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think that's like proof, though, because we always get a bunch of questions from moms that are like how do I know when to start and how to do it? Really, it sounds like you didn't think too hard, you just went for it, and you know that's the thing about faith too.
Speaker 1:I was saying you can't. You just have to just have faith and trust in God and also trust in yourself. If you feel that it's something right for you, you'll know if it's right or wrong, and even if you make mistakes. There are some things that I've experienced like I could have done this, but everything happens for a reason. I'm a strong believer in that and I mean, if you make a mistake, you learn from it. So I think everything has its purpose.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Now, as far as all of your things that you've been doing, and all the work that you have done and goals and passions and going after all of those things now that you're a mom, has that changed at all? Is your passion a little bit stronger or do you feel like you're ready to pull back so that you can focus on your daughter? What's it like now?
Speaker 1:I'm definitely more driven. Okay, I'm more hungry, I'm more creative, because I'm like this is great content that I can share. Because now I'm a mom yeah, I can relate to moms out there.
Speaker 3:And I think the mom part.
Speaker 1:No. I can make that and it's so fun, like me and my husband have so much fun doing content, especially with my daughter we're doing, and it's so annoying when people are like, oh my God, your daughter, you're making her work already and it's like she's not doing anything. But she loves the camera too. Yeah, anytime I put like the phone up, she'll try to get in front and just play with my phone. I can feel that she enjoys it.
Speaker 1:You know, so I've just been so much more hungrier and driven ever since I've had a baby. I love that, yeah.
Speaker 3:Having you and your husband focus on your relationship, because when you work with somebody and I've realized that working with my husband is so easy to make everything about work and you think your relationship might be strong. Or what have you? Because we talk all the time, we're with each other all the time and then you realize like it's a lot of work.
Speaker 1:We've had this conversation actually not that long ago, maybe like a few weeks ago and it's like you have to constantly remind your partner that you have to remember to have romance. You have to communicate your feelings. We have our check-ins like how are you feeling? And also making sure we balance our us time. Even when we're tired, we try to at least with at least even having dinner at the house, just you and me, and maybe having my parents look after her.
Speaker 1:It's definitely been a challenge that we're still learning and juggling and trying to balance the time that we have together, but we just enjoy being together with my daughter. It's like our us time. We'll get it when we can, but at the same time, we have to make priority Exactly but for what we do at home. We're so blessed to work from home, so we have the freedom to be able to have that us time and have our family time. But we just communicate communication and just really understanding each other's feelings, and I'm so grateful my husband's so good at listening to me when I do feel like there's something that I'm feeling. So yeah, it's not perfect.
Speaker 2:We have our discussions but for the most part it's good that we communicate through everything.
Speaker 3:Well, that makes sense, so I was gonna also ask. One thing that really impressed me about you was when you broke up with your husband. Like when you were dating and you broke up with him and I thought that was like such a strong stance, Like obviously it wasn't easy, but what made you like we're gonna break up, Like I'm not just gonna forgive you and we're gonna keep moving?
Speaker 1:In relationships, especially in Hollywood. You meet people in the industry that are beautiful and talented and I feel like it's so hard to find something so pure and real in the Hollywood industry because everyone's always looking for the latest, the greatest, the youngest, the richest, like it's just so much competition. But when you do find someone that has the same morals and values and also loves you for who you are, and you know that that person's a good person, you want to connect with that person. You end up building a relationship, which is with Don. It's interesting because I met him when he got off America's Next Top Model and I'm thinking, oh my God, he's so probably conceited and all this. And we were friends for three years before we started dating.
Speaker 1:And through our relationship, I think the challenge was when someone that is in the industry with you, they live this lifestyle that is one foot in, one foot out, I feel, because it's hard to transition from being a person that is in the industry living this lifestyle Don was a rapper, he's out clubbing and all that stuff and then for him to transition to becoming a committed husband, especially not having a male role model in his life and not having the proper guidance. He has these habits and the generational curses, and these are things that I had to learn after I broke up with Don as to why he is the way he is and how the arguments that we had faced and is it me? Is there something wrong?
Speaker 2:with me. I don't understand.
Speaker 1:I thought I was a great girlfriend. All these things can happen and cause you to question so many things. But there comes a point in your life where you're with somebody and if something is not working and you're just unhappy about something or break the trust, you get fed up. You get to a point where you're like I'm done, it's over, I'm out, and sometimes it takes time to get to that point.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I've had girlfriends where, from the outside looking in like girl, you need to leave this toxic relationship. But they will not leave until they've had enough.
Speaker 3:So it's like and everybody's enough is different.
Speaker 1:And some people are honestly settled and okay with it. Yeah, a lot, and I always want to make sure that I am a great influence and give hope to girls out there that you can you can step out of something that you feel so deep in. I felt like I dug myself in a hole and I couldn't get out, and especially with Dawn. We were together for four years before we broke up and my mom was so invested our families, everything, and that makes it harder to be. We lived together and to make the decision.
Speaker 1:I just said you know what I love me too much to allow things to be the way they are and I'm gonna leave and I'm out. So it took a lot for me to get to that point. But you know when enough is enough, when you get to that point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's just really important not to take somebody back because they've done all these things and it seems like they did it because of just you Cause I think it's like, okay, did you change for you, or did you change for me? Cause how long is this change going to last? You know what I?
Speaker 1:mean, and you know, I think for me I wasn't so focused on him when we broke up. It was more so that I discovered self love, like I knew I loved myself, but no, I feel like I truly didn't love myself, cause there were things in the relationship that I was accepting that I don't know my worth. I can't allow this to, you know, keep happening. And I feel like there was. He proposed actually that same year and then I broke up with him, so even when he proposed.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't even know if I is this supposed to be the way I feel, I'm unsure and I just didn't feel 100% sure. And it's completely normal they say you can kind of have some questions and doubts, but I just knew in my heart, I just wasn't sure because, again, I feel like our relationship, we were happy, but I didn't feel like we were completely ready for marriage and there were things that I feel that Don needed to clean up in his life, of habits and, again, generational curses, and I think that the hardest things to do is unlearn a lot of the things that we were taught in the generational things that you know we've experienced in life. And so I said you know what I'm really going to focus on myself. I'm going to focus on self love, I'm going to really take care of me and through the months of our breakup I we both had the same counselor that we were working with and he's been working.
Speaker 1:Shout out to Tony Gaskins, he's amazing, he's definitely helped and guide me through my experiences of just the breakup time. And breakups are always so hard because you feel so much, you're sad, you're happy, you're. You know there's so many emotions and then, at the same time, everyone still talks about it because they're asking how are you?
Speaker 3:And they bring it up.
Speaker 1:And it took me three months to finally share on social media. I feel like I owe that to them, because they've been so supportive and invested in our relationship. Where I have to say it.
Speaker 3:And so You're going to date publicly? Yeah, like I need to know publicly and people notice.
Speaker 1:They're like how come you don't post with him anymore, like because they're not together.
Speaker 2:But Kodo's to you, though, because I think, as a woman, everybody wants to be married, everybody wants to get proposed to, everybody wants to have a man that's trying, and so, to have that in front of you and still be like no, this is still not right. Kudo's, because I think it inspires women who are like okay, no, I know what I feel in my gut, I'm trying to ignore it a lot of myself, but like no, you actually did it and you waited.
Speaker 1:It's so hard Cause I had well. At the same time I feel like it's I don't hate anyone, but I hated him, so it allowed me to be okay with this breakup and even when he was working with my counselor and he'll kind of tell me like hey, you talked to Don.
Speaker 2:I'm like.
Speaker 1:no, he's like well, just to let you know, he's writing a book.
Speaker 2:He's actually doing this now. He's actually having, and I'm like that's cool.
Speaker 1:I don't care, but the time when we had Cross Paths again was for his book launch and my parents wanted to go and our friends are still each other's friends. So, fast forward to seven months later, we ended up going my mom, was like, please can we just stop by?
Speaker 1:So we stopped by and we saw the book. He also asked permission before messaged and asked like, do you mind if I share our story? I'm like, yeah, whatever, I don't care. So when we were there, I remember him doing a public apology and I just it was such a powerful apology that it takes a lot and it takes a lot of pause for a man to apologize in public, Especially publicly, To be okay with being so transparent, and so I really appreciated that about him and what he did and I did see the work that he's put in, but I still wasn't like sold out or even wanting to get back to him.
Speaker 2:You're always like that man, good for you, good for you.
Speaker 3:And touch Yeng Little tear bye, right.
Speaker 1:So it had to be God to truly bring us back together, because I was ready to just completely be okay without seeing him ever again. But again after that, through time he talked about even I want to date you again.
Speaker 2:I'm a whole new man.
Speaker 1:I want to take you out, and we were just starting from scratch.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I feel like he was a whole new person and he quit drinking. He stopped smoking, he doesn't go out anymore and the thing is, even if a man says that they'll stop doing that, it's really important that they don't do it for you again, like you said for themselves. He has no desire for that, and that's I feel like. You know, it was nice that he genuinely didn't want to, and until this day. So he's been sober since then, which I'm so proud of him, Because that's really congrats, he did the work, that's also God.
Speaker 3:I feel like God really Does that be like. If you want to drink, if you want to do all the things, do them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, enjoy them Without me, yes, without me, and that's fine. But don't pretend for me, because the moment, I'm not enough for you.
Speaker 3:You're going to go back to those things. Well, I've been doing all this stuff to win you back in to love you and you're still acting like this?
Speaker 2:Because then they hanging over your head? Yeah, because I did it for you.
Speaker 3:First, psychology it's like no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then doing it.
Speaker 3:They're not doing anything for you. Yeah, they're gaslighting you, yeah.
Speaker 1:Pretty much, and being public was also tough because a lot of people have their opinions.
Speaker 2:And a lot of people feel entitled they're like oh, you should have said combat.
Speaker 1:I know you Did people say that oh my god, I'm not sure to this day Till this day they're like they're married, or the kid where was?
Speaker 3:I. They don't want them to be happy you know, I didn't know.
Speaker 1:So at the end of the day, you just have to do what makes you happy. Of course, I think that was really what we focused on, because when we, I remember we were in Hawaii and we're like we're going to post a video, are you ready? Like this is it? We're going to share to everyone that we're back together, and I remember it was Valentine's Day and the comments made me so sad.
Speaker 1:Because a lot of people were so either disappointed. There's a lot of handful of people that were so happy too. So I just you know you can't please everyone, and I've just again, so you still read the comments? Of course I do. You guys are the reason why I'm here. I do read comments. I do try my best to reply to everyone. I just don't like to reply to the negative comments. I give more energy to the positive. My parents will be the ones to come for you all.
Speaker 3:She said look, I have to do more things and my mom just said what. You can't say that, but I said it, so I guess I can man.
Speaker 2:Right, what would you say to someone who is actually going through, you know, a breakup or really just kind of they know they need to leave, but they're not ready?
Speaker 1:I created a whole plan for me because, oh, I thought you meant for the girls. I was like wow, when I broke up, I'm like, ok, this is what's going to help me, because I know when I start wanting to fall back.
Speaker 1:So, first, I remember I wrote myself a love letter, so literally writing yourself like dear Leigh Ann, you know your worth, you're beautiful, you're strong, like all the amazing things that you are. You write it to yourself, so every time you feel weak, you read it to yourself as if you're reading it from someone. Two, I made a playlist of all the I'm single and I'm not going back and all the breakup songs. Put a playlist because the songs will make you miss somebody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's like I need to have the counter the playlist Also your friends, a circle of people that support and love you. And it was so horrible because when we broke up, it was 2020. And I literally was in Mexico. We're about to travel, I'm about to be out, and then we had to be in the house every day, exactly.
Speaker 1:So I feel like that was God forcing me to really face my feelings and heal, because that's not masking my feelings if I'm just going out and turning up with my girls, like it's just not the best way, but I feel like it was honestly such a healing journey and focusing on self-love and also this helps too. I don't know if it helps for everybody, but I would write a list of things why I shouldn't go back to that person or what they did to me. Do not let me go back. So if I ever missed my ex or something, I'd say, ok, he did this.
Speaker 3:Oh, why do you miss girl?
Speaker 2:Yes, so you write yourself a reminder of why you guys broke up in the first place, because we'll easily forget what you did yes, as soon as you miss them, you guys live together and have that person, yep, and you do not see them. You have amnesia, all of a second you have.
Speaker 1:I really had to make it clear that you cannot come and see me, even if you say you forgot something at the house, I'll leave and have my mom give it to him, like I just really made sure there were boundaries. And what else did I do?
Speaker 3:I'd have been like oh I'm upstairs, you go downstairs looking over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and blocking. I guess I blocked him, but everyone has their own levels of healing, and I think those are the things that helped me.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I think you set a good example for your daughter Like you weren't even thinking about children, because when she's going to have her first breakup and you're going to be like I got you, girl, I got a plan. Yes, exactly, I got the plan, I got a plan, my daughter having a boyfriend.
Speaker 1:I know, I literally cried the first week having her and I'm like she's going to one day get married. Oh my god, dawn, yes, it's so wild.
Speaker 2:Yes, no, my stepdaughter has a boyfriend now.
Speaker 3:Oh my god.
Speaker 2:I'm going to say that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I was like he looks like Soulja Boy, what With no tattoos. Oh my god, no tattoos.
Speaker 2:That's what it looks like to me, but yeah, that's so weird, that's so weird, that's so cute. Did you tell her that? Well, she didn't, she knows. Now I told her that, yeah, I'll probably tell her too.
Speaker 1:I just found out today, oh you did you heard it here first?
Speaker 3:Yes, you heard it here first. Did your goals change after you guys get back together?
Speaker 1:obviously yes.
Speaker 3:He did the work for himself. They got back together, I think, did get married and had a fabulous, fabulous wedding, thank you. So did any of your goals change once you got married? Because you've been hustling so hard for a decade and it's like Leanne wants to do this and do this. But now you're a partnership and I know you guys worked together. But like.
Speaker 1:I feel that our goals I think what's so beautiful for me and my husband we have very similar goals. We have the same end goal. We definitely have had conversations about our direction in life, because I feel like you want to be with your purpose, make someone that also supports your goals, and Dawn has always been really understanding and supportive to whatever I want to focus on, whether it's beauty or fashion, and now, being a mom, like we juggle everything and again I feel like we shift and change what we want to focus on depending on the season of things, and my goals, I feel, are still the same. I just still want to be successful and continue living life with happiness and purpose, and I think for me, doing what you love for a living is success.
Speaker 3:That's what I was going to ask you. I was like, what's successful? How do you know?
Speaker 1:Being at peace is success to me, and everyone has different definitions of success, but to me that's what it is, and especially having a baby. Again, our priorities have changed so much. Everything is about our family and our daughter. And I just enjoy it so much because now I can really utilize everything that I'm going through as topics and conversations and content. So whatever I'm struggling with, I add it and apply it to what we're doing in our life. So, it changes Now that we have a baby, now it's baby stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, last question what do you think moms actually need?
Speaker 1:to hear. Now, being a mom, I think that what I feel they need to hear is that you're doing an amazing job. You're doing an amazing job. For you to question if you are being a good mom shows that you are a good mom, and a lot of moms are so hard on themselves especially me sometimes and I think that when you hear someone actually just acknowledge the work that you do and the love that you give, it's just you're an amazing mom is what I want to say.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that. Before we go, is there anything on your heart or anything on your mind that you want to get out, that you haven't been able to say?
Speaker 1:You know I feel like I've expressed everything of that, but at the end of the day, happiness is priority. I feel like a lot of people get so invested in everyone's opinions in social media and bullying is real. I think that the comments can really get to you for anyone that is wanting to be a creator. I think that when you know that you feel whatever's in your heart is what you want to do, don't let anyone shift you away from that and do not take the comments personal. And if you're not doing anything right, I feel like that's when comments will come. You know you're doing something right.
Speaker 1:If you got all the comments coming at you, that's true, the haters are real fans, really so don't be discouraged.
Speaker 3:Right Wanted engagement Right.
Speaker 1:And I think that's the responsibility of being a creator is you will get all the crazy comments and opinions, and again, that's how you just have to be grounded in God and your faith and your family, because everyone's always going to have something to say, so give them something to talk about.
Speaker 2:Serious, serious. That's how you end it. That is how you end this episode.
Speaker 3:Well, thank you so much. I love having you here. Thank you so much for having me. Girls are amazing. Thank you.
Speaker 1:And congratulations for doing this amazing podcast. This is so beautiful and empowering for women. Thank you, we really appreciate it. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, See you, hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom? What's up? Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom, what's up? Hey Mom?
