Moms Actually
Moms Actually is a motherhood community that aims to redefine motherhood and break away from the unhealthy expectations society has placed on women.
Our community provides spaces for women to authentically relate to each other in a society that often prioritizes appearances over genuine experiences.
We host a visual podcast that addresses the experiences of womanhood, sisterhood and motherhood through candid and transparent discussions We have discussed a range of topics, including marriage, dating, single motherhood, body image, miscarriage and child loss, blended families, the impact of social media, entrepreneurship, mental health and much more.
Watch or listen on MomsActually.com, YouTube and all podcast platforms. Join our community on Instagram and Facebook.
Moms Actually
How to Find Yourself (Again) Ft. Monica Style Muse
Hey Ma! We had a candid conversation with our special guest, beauty influencer, Monica Style Muse. We talk about grief and loss, relationships and confrontation as well as motherhood and self-image.
We are talking to Monica about:
- Embracing her postpartum body to regaining confidence in herself.
- Changes in our identities
- The challenges of finding personal space
- The loss of her mother
- Managing grief as a new mother
- Her journey to becoming an influencer
- What makes her fiancé the one for her.
★ New Episodes are released on Thursdays on YouTube and Podcast Platforms.
★ Did You Like What You Heard? Please Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe!
★ Interested in advertising? Email: heyma@momsactually.com
Want to Watch?
Follow Us on Instagram
Shop the Merch
Join our Facebook Community
I'm so inspired by moms killing it.
Speaker 1:Like, I feel like.
Speaker 2:I just got into motherhood and just to see mothers been doing it and doing it still.
Speaker 3:I'm like it don't stop. I'm so excited. What's up, hey mom, what's up.
Speaker 1:Hey mom, what's up? Hey mom, what's up. Hey mom, welcome to Moms. Actually, I'm Blair and I'm Morgan Moms. Actually, I'm Blair and I'm Morgan and this is our special guest, monica Style Muse.
Speaker 3:Hello, I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 2:We're excited to have you. Thank you so much for coming on the couch with us and hanging out with us. We're already friends. We're besties. Yeah, we're besties.
Speaker 1:Listen, it happened in like two minutes. Just two Back with me, so brag on yourself a little bit. Yes, you know, I think they know who you are.
Speaker 2:But just in case for the two people that don't Just two. They're so sweet, okay. So for those who don't know, my name is Monica Stalemuse. I am a digital influencer. I've been in the game for quite some time, so they say you know I'm like it's been 10 years, but I'm your favorita, morenita. You know I'm from Brooklyn but I'm currently in Los Angeles. A lot of people don't know that about me and it's okay, because my son now is from the Valley Child, so we don't take it, it's okay, but I do all things beauty, lifestyle I like to say yo hago lo que a mí me da la gana.
Speaker 2:you know, I do whatever I want.
Speaker 3:I love when you do that.
Speaker 2:But in any space I'm in, whether it's beauty, whether it's fashion, whether it's mommyhood, and I'm just here to just share my a little piece of myself that maybe you may not know so much. So thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Of course you guys are going to love her. This conversation is about to be so good so real. You guys are going to relate to it, but I need you guys to do something for me first. What are you supposed to do? Subscribe, yes, subscribe right now we're going to give you five seconds to press the red button. We waiting, okay, yes, so let's get into it. You want to tell her about our little game? Okay, so it's Giving.
Speaker 3:Motherhood is our little game okay, all right. And so we take these paddles. This is what this is here for, and the gold means yes, or it's the first option. The white means no, or it's your second option. And the first answer is always the right answer.
Speaker 1:So don't think too hard about it, just give us the real. I trust y'all, so we're going to ask you a question.
Speaker 3:I will start. Did you experience being touched out after having your baby? What's touched out?
Speaker 1:So like you're cooking and your man come up beside you like, and you're like, oh, I don't like that.
Speaker 3:And he's like, ooh, because you have your baby and your baby's always with you. No, touch me. Okay, she said touch me.
Speaker 2:And the hormones didn't.
Speaker 1:Listen it was on fire.
Speaker 2:I was like do not, Can we break it again. They got out of seats there.
Speaker 3:She was like wink, so we couldn't do nothing. You know what I'm saying yes, well, I was, I was like I love. Now, oh man.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't on purpose. I didn't even know what it was. I felt so bad. He'd be like you know.
Speaker 2:he'd walk behind me like a little puppy, dog, dog like oh, and I'm like it's not personal, I just not right now. I feel like that when I have my period, like don't touch me. While I have my period, like my boobs, oh my, do not touch me, okay, that's, that's. Or when I'm doing chores, like don't, don't bother me when I'm doing chores, because I'm not there with you. I'm cleaning, I have a random question.
Speaker 1:Oh, let's just talk about getting our boobs done. I really liked being touched on the boobs before I had my breasts. I hated it afterwards.
Speaker 2:I agree it changed for you too, Because it's like I know what. We're so honest with each other and I know he knows there's milk in here. Still, I don't know, Like I don't know, Like I don't know, I feel like a part of me felt like this is like like I'm a mom, and then it became like I went from like boobs to milk sometimes.
Speaker 3:It was hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like it was weird, I don't know. I agree.
Speaker 3:I'm so glad I'm not pulling one up.
Speaker 1:I'm like yeah, don't touch. It's kind of weird. No, I agree, okay, okay. Has being a mom given you more confidence in your body?
Speaker 3:Baby, I'll say yes now, yes, yes, yes, because I'm like oh, I really did that. Yes, like I did that.
Speaker 1:Oh you're like confident in, like oh my body's really cool and what it can do, yeah like my body.
Speaker 3:And then I also like not only is it cool that it can do this, but like I look good, ooh, and you do.
Speaker 2:Thank you do this, but like I look good, oh, and you do, thank you, okay. Have you seen her? Like these women are incredibly like stunning. I came in here I said, oh my gosh, I'm so glad. Like. I was really like blown away, not that I had any less expectations, but I was just so blown away by how everything is set up and, just like I'm so inspired by mom's killing it like I feel like I just got into motherhood and just to see mothers been doing it and doing it still, I'm like it don't stop.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited. No, motherhood made me feel like y'all gonna see this fupa, y'all gonna see this gut. I'm not even, but the thing is, I feel like I've been more transparent.
Speaker 1:Like I'll tell my audience.
Speaker 2:I'm wearing a faja today. I'm not wearing a five today. That hurt okay, like my. That is not gonna work, but I just feel like I made a whole child.
Speaker 1:But I appreciate it because I get so sad when I see people who have recently had their babies and they're trying to show their snap back oh yeah, that's good. I'm just like I feel so sad that that's the expectation. I'm like your cervix is swollen it's not even about being fat, especially like right after you have it yeah, like your cervix is swollen.
Speaker 3:so if you right after you have a baby Like your, cervix is swollen, your insides, so if you're showing me, you have a flat stomach afterwards like what?
Speaker 2:did like that's not it does something weird to. I feel like a lot of moms these days feel like I have to look like this immediately after you get those um legging pictures about like three days after the baby, I'm like, or even like in my culture, they had me wrapped the next day. I was like in, like.
Speaker 1:My mom was like they're trying to get those abs together.
Speaker 2:I said who's wearing this and I'm breastfeeding. You're like I can't breathe. No, no, no, no, no, it's too much. It's too much, yes.
Speaker 3:Okay, so have you found yourself comparing yourself to other moms? Yes, yeah, I yes, yeah, I think subconsciously I do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like not on purpose, yes, but then I'm like get out of there, yeah, kind of you have to talk to yourself, and more so like I'm not, more so like I want that, more so like how are you doing?
Speaker 1:oh yeah, and I feel like I'd be like dang.
Speaker 2:How are you doing all of this? How do you look like this girl? Spill the beans. That's why I think these conversations are so important to have, because I don't think people like I'm sure people look at me like girl. How are you doing?
Speaker 3:it.
Speaker 2:But I'm looking at people at like girl how you look like that and you got all these kids and then, like, you got a job and you were from home and you a mom, like, and you a wife like, how are you doing it? So, it'd be that. But other than that, I'm like no, it's okay, like.
Speaker 1:I don't want that, Because I'm like how, Like how, and then of course, the Pinterest moms, because it's like I want to, I want, but I want to.
Speaker 2:I want, but I want to. Yeah, no, it's true, it's true. And then I also have to remember their age, like a lot of the girls who are having babies now, who I, for me, when you're younger.
Speaker 3:And it snaps back really nice with the first child oh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so Leigh was kind to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like after Leila oh my goodness you would've.
Speaker 3:Oh it was great, I still had abs, all the things.
Speaker 1:So after Zoe you were like I'm coming right back.
Speaker 3:Zoe came for war. Yes, I'm coming in this. What's her sign? She's a Gemini.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay. So she said I'm going to bring a little spice, yes, Color to your life. Both of them truly.
Speaker 3:And you know, your body also knows when you're like what to do on the second and third child. Oh wow, your body immediately, like I was showing.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you showed earlier the second child, so be prepared for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was I was. I felt like I showed so quick. I don't know if it was because my torso was short. Well then, you're going to show up like this the next day? Yeah, there's going to be no confusion next time.
Speaker 1:Thank God, my husband always jokes.
Speaker 3:He's like literally you took the pregnancy test, told me that you were pregnant and the next day you had a belly. Literally he's oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:I couldn't wait for my belly. I remember we were pregnant in Miami and I didn't tell nobody. It was my birthday and I remember people came up to me and they were so sweet. So shout out If y'all want to thank y'all for not telling nobody, because I was throwing it back on John and I was. You could see the whole belly, but it's that in-between of, like she don't look pregnant and she's fat. She so annoyed you didn't know what to wear. Literally it was so stressful, but it was fun. It was fun.
Speaker 1:So next question Okay, do you keep your goals private?
Speaker 3:I don't.
Speaker 2:I feel like, no, no, y'all can't take what's aligned for me, like if God has this set up for me. I don't even know how I got here. I'd be like I'm just from Brooklyn and I just came on here right after I got laid off. I was on unemployment for a year. You have to go and get checked in and like make sure you was looking for a job. You got to go to like the little workshop.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Like have you been looking for a job and you show them this little chart, I was like I can't get a job. I remember that during COVID, I've been looking at $300 a week and then a year came up I said y'all, I ain't got a job Like I need money. And I moved here on a whim.
Speaker 1:So you're like I have no job and I have no money, I'm going to move to LA. Yeah, that's the goal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I came out here by the grace of God. We were together for five years and I was like, can we just go look at apartments, Like let's just manifest? He goes, Monica, I don't trust you.
Speaker 1:But I had no money, so I really was like just looking. But he must have trusted you.
Speaker 2:And I gave him a two weeks. I called my mom. I said, mom, can we find a place? Do I have your blessing to move? She goes how quick. I said me tell you something. I'm not about to hold back my dreams for a boyfriend like I love you, but we ain't got no ties. We like five years of a job. Yeah, he did, and he was a smart man. We were in a long-distance relationship for six months and I, we, we did the whole thing and he loves it.
Speaker 2:He actually cannot see himself living anywhere else wow so I'm just very appreciative and grateful, because sometimes you hear about the woman chasing the guy but, mom. If he wants to, he will okay, so I'm very grateful that he did that, because I had, I was off delusion, I had nothing like that and he followed me.
Speaker 3:He's crazy so you literally like, when you came to LA, you weren't sure what you were gonna do, but you just were like, like I had a management and I had deals but nothing to be full-time like that's insane.
Speaker 2:Like I was a executive assistant at a publishing company for a while and then I got laid off. So for me I'm like, I'm not used to like what is this world? Yeah, years ago, what?
Speaker 3:was, it was very.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was like maybe just a few of us, and if you were doing well, you had to be doing well to be full time, so for me. I just really said God, you take the wheel, and lights have been on since you know.
Speaker 1:So I'm just very grateful. It's always been going.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm sitting here with y'all.
Speaker 3:So I feel like I'm in the right direction. You are, that's so question. Okay, big wedding at home or destination wedding?
Speaker 2:I literally just had this conversation with my fiance. I said I don't want to entertain grown folks no more. I would literally just want to buy my house and do it in the backyard and he's destination, because we have such a big family. So, I'm like he's destination.
Speaker 1:I'm like I would rather do this, so I don't really know.
Speaker 2:Let's convince him, please.
Speaker 1:It's just so when you decide to get married, you're like you said you're planning an event for everybody else on your day. It's my day. Why do I have to worry about you getting good food and? Free drinks like it doesn't make any sense. I agree, I don't want to entertain.
Speaker 2:Grown folks are my dime, oh my dime, and then you might not even show up, yeah, so then I'm mad, I'm losing friends along the way, oh, people don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, you always lose friends. You always lose friends around the way. Everybody loses a friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, during this time a whole ordeal. It was horrible, though, thank you, it was literally it felt like a wedding, Like we woke up at 5 am. It looked like a wedding, I'm like thank goodness, because I was able to kind of like get a little sneak peek to what it could be at a wedding. At a wedding I said absolutely not, like I don't want to have to worry about everybody else's glam. Yeah, I just like to just worry about myself.
Speaker 1:All that matters is the photos and the video. Anyway, at the end of the day, I agree.
Speaker 2:I agree. So hopefully, john, you see this and we just do it in our big house, a small wedding in our big house.
Speaker 3:Yes, I would love that that's so cute.
Speaker 2:And put that wedding money into our children's future. Hello.
Speaker 1:There you go Kids at wedding or kid free wedding. My kid will be at my wedding, so I don't know what about everybody else's kid. Are they allowed?
Speaker 2:I feel like sure, like what am I supposed to tell my best friend? Like she can't bring her kid, like I'm going to bring my kid, like I don't know, so I'm going to do like a.
Speaker 3:I'm going to do this Right, Because kids at the ceremony.
Speaker 1:And then but don't you want to get laid at the reception.
Speaker 2:You got to worry about it. That's what I'm saying. Every old kid gets laid at the ceremony, the ceremony.
Speaker 3:Don't break the case, and then at the reception y'all got to go.
Speaker 2:Yes, I agree, I agree, I like that concept Because.
Speaker 3:I want my. My daughter was at our little, our. Thing.
Speaker 1:We didn't have a know.
Speaker 2:I think the ceremony may be no kids and like bring them to the party if there's like a little section for them, but sure oh that's nice, so you would even let the kids be at the party. Yeah, because my family. Look, we Dominicans turn up with children?
Speaker 3:no children.
Speaker 2:The kids could be at the function.
Speaker 1:Okay, y'all start drinking coffee around like three years old. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm a coffee drinker, like I drink coffee.
Speaker 2:My veins are filled with coffee For sure. Okay, but no, I agree, I agree.
Speaker 3:Okay, are you team full glam or the no makeup makeup look.
Speaker 2:Dang. It's also just because it's like.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Depends on the day. Depends on the day, like Monday through Friday. If I'm not going out no makeup, we're not wearing no makeup, but if we stepping out, full glam.
Speaker 1:You say you going Full glam, we going to do it, we going to do it Absolutely.
Speaker 2:There's no in between with me. There's not like a oh, she's kind of it's either you look, so you're full. You're going to get full glam Like. I'm not going to give you a tinted moisturizer unless she's going to be a full coverage.
Speaker 3:Okay let's keep it a box. What's your favorite? Full coverage tinted moisturizer.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. Why am I Alicia Keys brand? Where am I Keys? Oh my God.
Speaker 1:Wait, so she wears makeup.
Speaker 2:Listen, but it's like a tinted.
Speaker 1:It's like a concealer.
Speaker 2:It's like an all-in-one concealer and it has, like the biggest doe foot. Oh my God, can I tell you it's so fire on the skin Really. So she dry-snitched on herself. I don't know, it's like a good serum.
Speaker 3:It really gets my skin. I thought she just had like skin care.
Speaker 1:I didn't know she had the tinted one oh there's a whole makeup collection so she's like I'm not wearing makeup because I don't have eyeshadow on. Yeah, Maybe she's not being specific.
Speaker 2:But like there's a little bit, she does the no makeup makeup look. Yes, that's what they not telling?
Speaker 1:y'all got it. So last question all right, would you rather have your man take you on a surprise shopping trip or a surprise meal like date night in a date night in date night because I really don't need my man to do like to take me anywhere like shopping, because I'm, I'm gonna, we're gonna be there for a while.
Speaker 2:so this, this is not going to be fun, but like a date night in, like our favorite horror film. I'm a horror film fan.
Speaker 1:Oh really.
Speaker 2:That's my love language. Like cook at home, let's watch a movie, like we've been doing that more, especially when you have a kid. Who's?
Speaker 3:into that.
Speaker 1:You've really got to make it.
Speaker 2:That's when your life starts starts yeah, oh my gosh, and listen, you literally have just that window. Yeah, so okay, you got that window. So you either watch a movie, do what you gotta do, have you know, netflix. Do whatever it is you need to do because you have a window. Hopefully they don't wake up because then it's over. But yes, I watch a movie and like lax and like talk and gossip because, trust me, you gotta catch up.
Speaker 2:Everything is going on mom, if you told me it's a secret, I told my man. I promise you.
Speaker 1:Well no, there's always. I feel like if you tell anybody a secret, there's always a plus one.
Speaker 3:Of course.
Speaker 1:Especially if someone's married or in a relationship. Yeah, I don't even.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they don't count, it's locked, we locked in. Okay, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1:Well, all right.
Speaker 3:So now that that is all over, this was good.
Speaker 1:That was a good question that was just IGL.
Speaker 2:I know that was just IGL. What's up y'all Okay so?
Speaker 3:let's get into the conversation Now. Of course, we know that you are known for all things beauty and lifestyle and things like that but what are some of the things that you don't always openly get to talk about, that you wish you could?
Speaker 2:I talk about it in and out and I would say mostly mental health. I find myself especially going more to beauty events. I'm stepping out more. Oh, you look great, yada, yada, okay, how are you doing? I don't feel like we talk enough about that with each other.
Speaker 1:We always be living for the looks, living for the glance.
Speaker 2:And especially being in this industry for so long. I'm at a point where I don't know if it's the mother in me, but like I care, yeah, like it was fun and games when we started. But now I'm looking at you and I'm like I'm tired. Are you tired? Yeah, because I know life is putting like. I see you and I just want to. Can I give you a hug? So I've just kind of been more so, embracing one another in our space, or just anytime I speak to someone I want you to leave feeling better. I don't know why, like all of a sudden, like, but like that's like the thing that makes me feel, I don't know. It makes me feel good knowing that I see, since the passing of my mother, like, yeah, yeah, since the passing, of my mother, that was good.
Speaker 2:Yeah since the passing of my mother. I'm like I'm just seeing so many people go through life and I'm just like how are we doing this? You? Know, and it's incredible to witness how many of us are going through something so similar, yeah, and stepping out, showing out, especially Black women. Yes, the way we step out and we're still so excellent. Yeah, I almost thought I wouldn't even work anymore after that, because I thought people would look at me and be saddened by me.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I was so just, I was just so glad people didn't feel sorry for me. Yes, and even still. I was like oh, you're not going to get anything mediocre from me. If anything, you're going to get it even better. Yeah, so it's been an incredible shift in my life and I think it's been for the better.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask. So you're checking on everybody else. How have you been taking care of yourself since the past million and a half years?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I'm very vocal at home, like we do this thing where I say hey guys, I'm at a 70 today, like from 100. And I'm very vocal. I kind of. I'm not the strong black woman in my house anymore. I've hung that up, damn.
Speaker 1:Man.
Speaker 2:It was six months ago.
Speaker 1:We talk about taking capes off, yeah. We're like if you're calling a super mom or super woman we're doing too much.
Speaker 2:I don't want to do it no more.
Speaker 1:The moment I hear that, I'm like well, that means I need help, yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't think it's a compliment to be strong and I hate that even in this time in my life. I have to be strong because you have a child, right and but I'm. I look at him like gracias that I have my son. That has helped me navigate in this space. But honestly, I'm. I'm very vocal about my emotions at home. I tell my fiance I think sometimes we lean on to our partners as if they're therapists. They do not.
Speaker 1:They're not therapists they do not count as your best friend in your relationship are. Not. They're not.
Speaker 2:Therapists are therapists yes, and you need that. If you do and I've been very vocal about that at home Like, okay, guys, I need help. And they're so supportive, we allow each other to feel Thank goodness, I don't have any vices or anything. I think the only thing that I lean onto is like CrossFit.
Speaker 1:I'm like crazy. Now, Like I'm like oh, yeah, but. I'm just so grateful. I wish we had a pull-up bar here. Wait a minute.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute. No, I can't do no pull-ups. I can do a little, you know, I can do a little something. Yeah, yeah, she said miss me on the pull-up.
Speaker 3:No, I'm just.
Speaker 2:I'm at home, we're vocal and I want Carter to be able, as a black man, emotions and be okay with saying I'm not, I don't feel my best today, I'm sad and I'm angry, and it's okay and it's celebrated here because it's just. It's just a pocket like. I don't even think God allowed me to have postpartum depression.
Speaker 2:Wow, absolutely not like I don't even know, because you wouldn't have been able to like that would have been too much how would I have done it, I literally would have lost my mind and I never. I know it can take, it can be in your body for some time, but I literally never had a moment of like I'm depressed yeah, that's even still with where I'm at. I'm like I think I might be insane, because I'm okay, no, like no, and I think because now we talk more about depression and anxiety.
Speaker 1:It feels like oh should I have it? But it's like it's not. It's not uncommon, but it's also not common at the same time, like yes, no matter what, you have postpartum because there's hormones. But I think it doesn't have to be associated with depression or anxiety.
Speaker 2:I agree. No, it's crazy just to put your body through so much trauma, losing your mom, then being a mom. Yeah, I was getting ready to ask you that. Oh, go for it.
Speaker 3:Literally, it's your first child. So it's not like this was your second or third where you were able to really, like you know, call your mom and say, mom, I don't know what this? Is and all so what has it been like? Really like navigating motherhood for the first time, while also grieving for the first time, while also grieving and like trying to really, you know, the loss of your mom you know You're trying to be a mom while also missing your mom.
Speaker 2:No, it's been. It's probably. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I don't think I have a worst enemy, but if there was an idea of like I had one.
Speaker 1:You'd, be like God, do anything to this person, but not that like I.
Speaker 2:If anyone knew my relationship with my mother, they knew like we were like white on rice like you couldn't, that's very close mommy lived in new york and she would be like I'm bored girl, I booked your flight. You come tomorrow like we were just like I would cry my mom when she left los angeles and my fiance would come in. Well, I'm here, I'm like it's not the same like I'm a 30 year old woman who wants her mom.
Speaker 2:Um, but it happened really quickly for us and I just believe that everything, everything, every, everything I am yeah is because of her and just seeing and witnessing. You know, I've never said this for the first. This is the first time I'm saying it on camera. I haven't said it, but she passed from stage four gastric cancer and for me it was something very quick you know, and you almost have this, um, this feeling.
Speaker 2:I don't know like you just know that this is it. You know we just celebrated her being 13 years in remission from breast cancer. Um, so from we could do the math September I gave birth. Yeah, we found out she had cancer in December. From September to December she lost 30 pounds, right before our eyes, and it was one of those things where you're like death is staring at us in the face. It was staring at us in the face and it really was a shocker to my family. To this day, we are still like what?
Speaker 2:Like it still doesn't even feel real, but she was fighting to the last of her. My mom was showering to the last day and I always think about. This is a little sidetrack, but have y'all seen from scratch?
Speaker 3:yeah, so you see where's the sister.
Speaker 2:Come, she goes, you're sick yeah, I'm like I was thinking about. I'm like I gotta shower every day because mommy was showering she didn't let the nurses, like like, see her. She's like like she still had so much fight in her. So I remember that and I say you getting up, you stepping out and you're gonna honor your mom any way you can. So I'm very proud of how my family has navigated. I thought it was about to be, uh, a shit storm child.
Speaker 1:I was like I don't think there's. I'm so sorry, I just knew that you know.
Speaker 2:But I I'm a lot stronger than I think that I thought and I didn't know that until I experienced such a loss. But my aunt has been such a great mother to me I guess you can say now she's been trying to fill those shoes and I reassure her all the now she's been trying to fill those shoes and I reassure her all the time.
Speaker 2:You don't have to worry about those shoes, you are enough. And just giving my family that validation, because we need that right now. We just need to lean on each other and give each other that support because, ultimately, we're all we have. It was just my mom, my grandmother and my aunt. Those were the my grandmother and my aunt. Those are the only three women. Everyone else were men. Oh, I only have a bunch of uncles.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, that's why I'm like oh, like people be like.
Speaker 2:Oh, you from Brooklyn. I'm like, yeah, and I like fought a lot of my cousins like we was all guy cousins like I'm like, listen, like oh yeah, that's why I wanted a boy. First I was like I know how to be around boys, yeah, but it's been incredible. My brother has been like we look at each other like we should be worse. Yeah, we should be worse and and that's the thing that I struggle with like I'll have pockets of joy and I'm like you shouldn't be too happy right now. Like take it back.
Speaker 1:So I do struggle with that.
Speaker 2:No, I could imagine, because it's like I lost the most important person in my life, like and I'm smiling and I'm laughing, it's like I was literally on a roller coaster at Disney World and I was like no, you shouldn't be like it, like it'll be like the most joyful moment, and I'm like, bring it back, wow.
Speaker 1:So I've been struggling with that where I'm like and you know that's not what your mom and that's probably why, naturally, you have joy, because your mom didn't instill anything but that in you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, my mom was.
Speaker 3:So when you bring it back, she probably like Girl. She's like why are you?
Speaker 2:doing that, be it's, it's been. Life put hands on me and it showed me that I am capable, like I feel, superior like I literally feel like I could like.
Speaker 3:I feel like.
Speaker 2:I'm not. I'm not afraid of anything. I thought birth was did a number on me.
Speaker 3:Death did a number on me like we thought it was gonna be one thing and people like is it your grandmother's?
Speaker 2:I was like oh, oh, nah, you have no idea. Your girl is literally out here and people are like, how are you working?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Depression is for me, it's easy. I can decide to not be depressed. Wake up, show up for my son. Yeah, not go to work, tricking my brain every morning and telling myself you have to be happy. It's a choice for me because I know oh, depression is not always a choice, so I want to make that clear. Sometimes, especially after motherhood, it's a cloud like yeah, you'd be like bro, I'm not gonna.
Speaker 2:What's going on like it's weird, yeah, but I make a choice every morning to show up for myself myself first. Yeah, so I can be the best version for everyone else. What are you doing in the mornings? I have no ritual. Okay, like I and I think those are the things that, because I was just telling my cousin this, I was like I want to show more of my life, but like I feel like it has to look so curated.
Speaker 1:I have. No, you got to pretend, you just woke up, that is insane.
Speaker 3:How did you guys capture this Carter cry.
Speaker 2:I just saw a video or something like that.
Speaker 1:They were like the nighttime routine and they're like wake up and then the babies cry. They're like holding their eyes and then throw the baby.
Speaker 2:How are they doing that? And that's when I compare myself, when I'm like how are you doing this? Like this is not realistic, like I'm literally just going to start, I literally wake up and my house is flipped. I'm cleaning, carter's taking things out the playpen, he's throwing every ball. You just need to move to TikTok, tiktok like all the time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what I'm like.
Speaker 2:I have no routine. I'm always late, I'm rushing, I'm like. Sometimes I'm like did I put on deodorant? Oh my gosh, did I brush my teeth? It would be like 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Did Carter eat Like I'd be like whoa.
Speaker 1:It's insane, yeah, like you've got to feed someone three times a day minimum. That was the biggest change for me, and he's horny.
Speaker 2:I don't eat three times a day, who are you telling?
Speaker 1:And then you've got to eat healthy.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying Like now. It's like so much information overload. Yes, yes, that I'm like should I not give him this stuff? But Carter's chilling. That little boy is so excited. He's all right. He's all okay. We were not on. No, you know organic formula.
Speaker 1:No, no, they'll be fine, because somehow we exist and look we're here and I should not Doing fantastic.
Speaker 2:We're doing fantastic.
Speaker 3:So we're going to be okay.
Speaker 1:Yep. So you said mental health is, you know, very important to you. You talk about it a lot, it's one of your like things that you care about. But did you grow up focused on mental health? Because you know Black families I'll go as far to say like, even Afro-Latina, like it's just not a cultural thing, yeah. So how did this become a thing for you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say just communicating within, like with my brother, with my cousin, especially being— Especially around men. Yeah, it's like you know, like for me, I just always felt—I'm the oldest. So that was like my fear was having a daughter and having her be the oldest. So that was honestly one of the first things I was like God don't have me have a girlfriend. I mean, if you want me to have a girlfriend, but I just didn't the pressure that comes with being the oldest woman in your house.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 2:It's too heavy.
Speaker 1:I'm like, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:I feel so bad for us. It's awful sometimes we have to be the solution for so many things I want, carter, that's your job now. I'm so sorry, but it's just I would say no, you get over it.
Speaker 1:And I also grew up where you just fought.
Speaker 2:You had to post up on that face in that moment. You just fought with your cousins and you was like and then we good the next day. But that is not the way to be out here. You have to learn how to express yourself, especially when you get older. And I think sometimes people are used to just that dynamic of being non-confrontational. Yes, I love confrontation.
Speaker 3:I am confrontation. You're like, let's talk about it. I would love to. I'm non-.
Speaker 1:So as an only child, non-confrontational I've never been in a fight I was going to say you said fighting's not the way I actually think strangers oh God no. But I actually think it would be healthy and good because I think it makes you less fearful of if it does happen. If it does happen, like my kids, when they fight it takes everything because it's annoying.
Speaker 3:But I let them argue because I'm like they got to figure it out If someone's always jumping in like what's that going to?
Speaker 1:do, but I didn't have. I mean, I didn't have anybody to have confrontation with yeah. So I think it's a very important skill to grow up.
Speaker 2:I agree, no, I agree, Especially for a woman. Oh listen, my fiance is the only child and we are the complete opposite. Yeah, I'll be like what Call him and he'll be like no, and he'll be like Monica, it's not that deep. Oh, he loves it. It is that deep.
Speaker 1:It's deep to me, so I'm literally the spice.
Speaker 2:That's my husband.
Speaker 1:I don't tell him certain things, because I just know, yes, I'm like this isn't even a problem.
Speaker 3:He's like oh, no, there have been plenty of times, because you know, with us two we're so opposites.
Speaker 1:I'm like no, Blair.
Speaker 3:We need to talk about this right now. We need to call them right now. There's been days I'm like.
Speaker 2:I think that there's a like miscommunication is so big, especially in, like black communities, you be thinking like it's a big thing. Just talk about it. I'm sure we just read something wrong. It was sent in a text message. I put it in my mind. No, that's why I like to talk it out.
Speaker 3:So you can hear my tone, hear the way.
Speaker 1:I'm saying it. Oh, a voice note. I love a good voice note. I love a good voice. Confrontation's not a negative word. I think we put context on words. That doesn't belong, I agree.
Speaker 2:I agree, confrontation is great. I love getting down Like I've made better friends with confrontation, like girl. No, I was just saying I was going to do this. Be like oh, wow. And I thought you were saying that.
Speaker 1:And then we move on Like glad we talked about that, thank goodness, because otherwise I would no, no, and the other person is not even thinking about it like, oh, you took it. No, I didn't even know what. Why?
Speaker 2:are you so angry? Listen, especially me now with mother, I ain't got time like if you take me out my house with my kid I'm an aquarius like I just go with the flow but if you take me on my float, there's something that happens to me. Yeah, it's like a little tip, something happens to me. Oh, my gosh, you know, but I I pride myself in getting down to. Let's get down to it.
Speaker 1:Like I don't want to.
Speaker 2:I don't. Life is too short and I hate to have to always say that, but like literally it's short, it's not that deep and you got kids, so you got even less time now If your kids are not in danger. Your food is there's food in your house? Yeah, rent is paid. Yeah, I love you. You sleep with my man. It's crazy, I love you, there's nothing we can't move from. Like we good, I love you.
Speaker 3:Like she's like wait, one more thing, one more thing, don't you sleep with my man, I love you.
Speaker 3:There's nothing Speaking of your man, your man, your man, mommy, oh, she's tummy. No, once you put a kid in you know a relationship things change, the dynamic changes. You got to figure out new things, new ways and how to really like prioritize your relationship. And then you guys got engaged at your baby shower. Yes, so walk us through that a little bit about just, you know, first-time motherhood, but also really just doing the relationship thing. How's the dynamic?
Speaker 2:What's that? What is that? It's rough. I mean, when we had those little doula classes, they told us you're going in as a couple but you're leaving as parents, so you leave as parents and then three months later you're now planning a funeral. But now we also were trying to plan a wedding. So it was life handled. It was so many highs and the worst of lows and I really am so grateful for the way he's handled me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I don't want to say handle like, because I don't even care like I'm very fragile and he is an only child who wasn't used to communicating his emotions or asking if you're okay, or, and he has just been so gentle with me and I'm just so grateful because I'm not always gonna be. I'm not. My sad doesn't look sad. Sometimes my sad looks angry you know, and and, and I and I don't know how to say it at times and he can see it for me.
Speaker 2:So I'm just very grateful for that. We've been implementing calendars. We have a whole calendar in the fridge. We have to be on each other's calendars on our phones. It's not a chore but it has to be done. My OBG said that out of the 100% of her partners who come to her office, only 5% last. Ooh, 5%. So you know, we make it a thing to book hotels y'all. Yeah, we have to take trips away, you know, without our little man we love him, but now having my aunt live with us and she's been able to like give us that She'll be like go be with your man.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'll be like, okay, like your man. Yes, I'd be like, okay, like, okay, like. But then it's like, it's weird. I don't know if you guys relate, because it's like you have this moment with your man and you know this is the moment.
Speaker 1:So it's like you're not doing no foreplay you like, you like, it's like, it's like weird because you know you have it's like you.
Speaker 2:That's why I'm so about yeah, if you're gonna have a child, if you ever have the the I guess I want to say the luck, because men change once you have a child. Definitely don't go into it that you want this for yourself the way your body goes through so much it don't matter what my man says. He could say I look good If I feel like crap, it does not matter, it does not matter.
Speaker 2:So love what you're about to do for yourself, and if this bringing a child because with my man I was just like. I was so grateful that he loved me through it all it's ugly right now it's ugly, in the sense of we're going through so many emotions, but he we're like in it and that's marriage for me, because we've been together for, I think, 13 years, A long time.
Speaker 1:It's a partnership. It's a partnership Like people want the butterflies and all that stuff. That's not just the love part. That's not going to sustain you 80 years from now.
Speaker 2:Sustain yeah, and people were giving us a lot of crap about oh, you guys got engaged while you were pregnant. We didn't know we was trying to get pregnant. Let's be clear, okay, I didn't hear it here first we wasn't trying to get pregnant. I was living my best life.
Speaker 3:I just got my boobs done. These were not mommy boobs. Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I just want people to know, like it's not about the time. I think a lot of social media makes me like, ooh, five years and you got. If I would have married John at five years, we would have not been together. There was no way, because who I am now at 31,? That is no I needed. I still don't know my man.
Speaker 1:I still don't know that man, especially as a father. So it's like take your time.
Speaker 2:I didn't care about the ring For me, I didn't care about the ring. I said I want a life partner.
Speaker 3:I love that.
Speaker 2:Who's going to thug it out with me? Okay, Because there's going to be one day that I'm going to need to thug it out with him, and that's what it's about. It's not about you got five years to put a.
Speaker 1:You sound like you're going to be engaged for the next 20 years. Listen.
Speaker 2:I'm really not pressed Because. I want a house first. I want my son's Roth account looking cute. Okay, I want my retirement looking cute. I'm not really pressed to impress adults.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm not pressed. Say it again, I'm not pressed that part.
Speaker 1:That really unlocks something in me Once I realize, like everybody I always say, I care about what people think, like I think, like it crosses my mind, but then I'm like they're not paying my bills. They're not home with me, Like after this moment, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3:And that really freed me because I was in my head a lot before all of that.
Speaker 1:And then one day I just realized, like it really don't matter. It doesn't, and that's when I opened up a lot, because I'm like who cares what they say?
Speaker 3:It's a great way to live just all across the board with just following your journey and walking tall in it, because that's how I like once I I think it was 2021. I was like, why am I caring so much about certain things? Like I can go after the thing I can. You know, I don't have to be on anybody's time clock, I don't have to. You know, do the thing that people think I'm supposed to be doing.
Speaker 3:like I agree, I'm in my journey and that's that's it, that's fine, and I think that that's something really, really encouraging to all the moms out there that are, or even because we have the aunties too but you know because I think with the time clock they're so we have so many aunties. They're like when, like well, I'm supposed to get married first, or I'm supposed to have these kids, and when am I supposed to do it? You're supposed to do it when you are supposed to do it. Yes absolutely.
Speaker 2:We need aunties, okay, and I do believe that just because you're a woman, you don't have to bring life into this world. You're not supposed to be a mom just because you're a woman. That's very important.
Speaker 1:If you do not think you want kids don't have them, and when somebody asks you, especially if you're married or in a long-term relationship, when are you having kids? Make it weird, Like make it real uncomfortable. Like we've, been trying for the last year and it's not Like.
Speaker 2:make it really uncomfortable for them so they don't ask the next person. I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that Because I'm like what Like you love that because I'm like. What like you're asking? About my sex life like literally, and I think that's the most embarrassing part about being pregnant, because people know you was having sex when I was a teenager, we saw like like a pregnant person, and my dad was like well, you know what she's been doing, and so I think about that every single time.
Speaker 3:I'm like it's always weird, like I think about it with, like, my in-laws. I'm like dang like every time, cause they used to, when they would take the kids, they'd be like, alright, now don't come back pregnant. But I'm like you really thinking about the fact that I'm doing it with your son.
Speaker 2:Like you, really like you thinking about the fact that I'm, but then before you're pregnant, they we got given me some grandkids and you'd be like, ew, don't don't, don't, I don't want to think about that with you in the room Like that's crazy.
Speaker 3:You'd be like never if you keep asking no no, listen, at this point I'm just like y'all.
Speaker 2:Ladies, don't do it if you don't want to because it is not Instagram and it's always.
Speaker 1:They're like oh, you're giving me all this unsolicited advice.
Speaker 3:And then they have the baby.
Speaker 1:and they're like why didn't anybody tell me? Or I'm pregnant, Everybody's only negative. And then they have the baby, and they're like oh Like it is awesome Like there's so many awesome points, but it's a lot.
Speaker 3:There's so low A lot.
Speaker 1:If you don't want it or you're not even sure, like don't do it yet 40, 60 or something like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you're second guessing yourself the trauma, like I had a C-section and it was great for me. I loved the C-section. I hated being induced. Why would anyone? Do that I didn't know what induced meant.
Speaker 1:So when I went, in, you would have thought, because I paid for doula, so I thought I knew everything.
Speaker 3:I was taught she was like I did not do. Taught she was like I did not do what I was supposed to do Today.
Speaker 2:I said, oh, I'm having Carter today too. And then I get in the hospital she goes oh no, baby, you're gonna be here for a few days.
Speaker 3:I said I'm so sorry. Oh wait a few days. They start the process the day before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, because, especially if you have a boy and you want to get them circumcised, oh yeah, the whole the whole.
Speaker 2:I didn't open up, I was three centimeters.
Speaker 1:Carter was chilling.
Speaker 2:He came out pissed. He said this is it?
Speaker 1:How many weeks were you when they induced you? 39 weeks, oh, I was 40. I think I was 41. Both times I was 40 and 41. Like they had to induce me because the first time my water wouldn't break no, I had no water. And then the second time they said I had gestational diabetes and they wanted to induce me at 37 weeks. But I was like no.
Speaker 3:And I went.
Speaker 1:I should have said yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's how I got my wrinkles and then but so I waited until 40,.
Speaker 1:but Jesus.
Speaker 3:Wow, now I have my babies at 38 weeks.
Speaker 2:Listen that inducing is not for the. That is not for the week, because it's the fake contractions and it's the drugs. They were like, and I was one of those. I don't want the epidural.
Speaker 1:I don't want nothing. Oh, I was that too. I was going to be at a birth center Once they brought me to the hospital.
Speaker 2:I said give me the drugs. I was hyperventilating, I'll say if you see my, I literally recorded my entire birth story. The people, the anesthesiologist yeah, they were getting so annoyed because I was like ma, make sure it's focused, and the whole area has to be that you are in pain, I am, but I need to get this clip because look everything is content everything is content and I'm so glad I did it because at that point, like my mom was so hands-on and it was crazy, like it gives me chills when I think about it.
Speaker 2:When I recorded my mom I go mom, you look like an angel and she. Just to know like I have that footage and just to have that and I'm just like oh, thank you, god, that I was that crazy lady giving birth thank you I needed that and even at my baby shower I had like all the grandparents saying hi, carter, I'm your grandma, and I didn't even know, I literally didn't know.
Speaker 3:I don't know how you like I'm over here, but no, you this makeup looks really good.
Speaker 2:I'm good, we're good. I'm telling you, mommy would have been in here like, and that's who I am, and I hope to be able to give people that, because when you look at me, don't be sad, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. I have so much to offer. I like to tell people I'm a feeling. Before you see beauty and everything. I'm a feeling you are I'm not she's not lying.
Speaker 3:I want you to feel good around me.
Speaker 2:I'm just like y'all. I'm so grateful to be here and just how beautiful this is. The vibe has been incredible. And the questions. I looked at my team. I said they're amazing.
Speaker 3:This is going to be great. This is going to be great.
Speaker 2:This is going to be great, but this has been incredible. Yes, I have one more question. Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:I have one more question. So we talked about all the milestones, we talked about you know, all the things that you've been through. But one thing we didn't really like go into is how have your friends shown up for you during this time and then have your friendships changed, whether it be motherhood, grief, are there people that didn't really know how to show up for you? Like, what has that been like? Oh, that sucks.
Speaker 2:Listen, you know when the laugh happens.
Speaker 1:You're like you know, that's that. Sierra laugh Anyway.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I have the most incredible tribe. I do my tribe. Everyone knows my tribe. Like my tribe is wow. Like I don't, my best friends organize my mom's funeral Wow.
Speaker 1:That's how my tribe is Because that's another terrible thing when someone passes, you have to plan an event. When I'm grieving, I have to feed people.
Speaker 2:It was insane. My best friends planned the whole thing. They planned the whole thing. So that just tells you the type of group.
Speaker 1:So you can't have a big wedding because you can't afford to lose a friend. Oh no, I need them all.
Speaker 2:Literally. I'm like. You guys have been in moments for me and my mom was a mom to them. Like you know, my best friends have been my best friends since middle school, since high school, and my mom is the life of the party. She's turning up. She would have been here, twerking something.
Speaker 2:She's just that type of person. So for them to have carried that load for me, I will forever be grateful for them. They will forever. They are my non-negotiables. I don't care how mad get over it. Like we in this, like I don't know, I told my best friend, if me and my man, god forbid ever break up, I'm marrying my best friend Like.
Speaker 1:I'm marrying one of them, like I don't know what to tell y'all.
Speaker 2:Like you know, he is gay, but I thought it would be the perfect situation, like you could be with your man, I could be with my man and we yes, it's just a partnership, it's a good contract. You know, we got good credit. We got good credit. I was like best friend. It's going to be great.
Speaker 1:So y'all have a friendship contract. They got that Jaden Will relationship.
Speaker 2:Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Listen, I don't know anybody, I don't know what, who, I don't know we watching. We gonna have a what's that company called? Huh, what's her company? Red Table.
Speaker 3:Talk.
Speaker 2:Not Red, the actual, like her company company. Oh, I forgot.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, Jada talks a lot.
Speaker 2:No, I guess I don't know, Wait, you got me hot Listen. But look, in regards to friendships, I definitely did lose a lot of friends Within motherhood too, and I think something happens to your instincts. When you realize that I don't know your instincts just talk to you when you're pregnant, like you really start doing some re-evaluating yeah, like who makes my stomach hurt?
Speaker 2:Okay, and if you make my stomach hurt like that little mm. You got to go, just trust it off. You have to trust your gut. And I really felt like that was my ancestors talking to me, and I really felt like that was my ancestors talking to me and I said I got to do a whole cleanse, okay let's cleanse out so when I was pregnant, I definitely I did a lot of shifting and a lot of relationships for me.
Speaker 2:I thought it was very important for my mental health, yeah, and even ultimately, while I'm still in this grieving process, there were a lot of people who didn't know what to say, yeah, and there were people who didn't say anything at all, and I don't know if that's the hurt me saying nothing and not knowing, like just saying nothing. I think it's the worst thing you could do to someone. You're wrong either way so my sisters have been sharp.
Speaker 2:They've been. I've been, yeah, I've literally been very clear. Motherhood has made me clear. Losing my mother has made me clearer. Like it was very like, wow, I thought we were in each other's lives and you didn't know what to say at all Like there's.
Speaker 3:literally you could have just Googled the what's his name.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm an AI. Now you could have Googled anyway.
Speaker 2:There's nothing like and I I remember every. You may not respond to everyone who, yeah, who reached out, but I definitely remember people who didn't show up.
Speaker 1:They weren't missed, but I definitely took account and I remember. But a quick question though, because we asked this about friendship. So it's like, especially since you're into confrontation, like how do you end the friendship?
Speaker 3:literally gonna ask that, are you like?
Speaker 1:girl, we're not friends again. Or is it just like you ain't show up, so're not friends again. Or is it just like you ain't show up, so we just have never connected Like, is it a ghost? Yeah, no.
Speaker 2:I'm a little bit of both, I think. Especially where I'm at in life now, I feel like everything doesn't have to be said. I think friendships definitely have an expiration date.
Speaker 3:It doesn't have to be a thing it doesn't have to be a thing.
Speaker 2:Like you know, we haven't been talking girl.
Speaker 3:Like you know, we not cool, Like we don't gotta even talk about it.
Speaker 2:It's cool. But I think when, if it's appropriate, we can be, like you know, adults. I think it's definitely. There's definitely a time and place to end a relationship, especially if it mattered, like if it mattered to you. It's definitely worthy of sitting down and letting people know what time it is, and it doesn't have to be a rah-rah. It can just be like we are in two different places in life, and it's okay. And confrontation is not a bad thing, okay, especially black men.
Speaker 2:Y'all can do it too, and it doesn't have to be anything but love, okay, I always ultimately want to end a sit-down with love, Especially in motherhood. You think I'm going to tuck my face? Absolutely not. I'm like listen, I'm calling the cops. You are not the person, you do not I am. Listen, I'm a uh-uh.
Speaker 1:I am not that girl I used to be.
Speaker 2:Listen, I only been in one altercation in high school, oh my gosh. And and I will never absolutely like you want to do what oh, my God oh.
Speaker 2:God, I'm so scared I will call the cops. I am not that girl. Monica Stalmius is a brand. This is work. I am a mom. I have so much to lose and I think we need to, like you said, remove that negative. You know idea. Yeah, that confrontation is bad. It's a good thing. We need to know how to communicate more. People be like oh no, don't say nothing when I say I'm going to say something. I swear I'm going to talk, I'm going to meet you where you're at.
Speaker 1:The issues happen because of lack of confrontation, not because of confrontation. Say it, it's important.
Speaker 2:Talk more, learn how to communicate, express your words.
Speaker 1:Open up a dictionary and also know how to express good for a.
Speaker 2:I'm very vulgar, but when I want to make my point come across correctly, I don't want to be disrespectful, I don't want to name call you. And sometimes we can get a little hot and sometimes it's important, just like I mean listen, michelle, I love you, but sometimes you gotta go low when they go high. I'm going low, okay.
Speaker 1:But I'm trying to be better, because at least you get it out instead of thinking about it for like a month or two weeks or a week, because then otherwise you're cursing them out in your brain for too long.
Speaker 2:No, get it out of your system. I believe in getting out of that, because you're compromising your emotions, because you don't like, if you want to compromise, like if something is bothering you, yeah.
Speaker 1:That makes your stomach hurt.
Speaker 2:No, and you got it.
Speaker 3:And I have all this like internal issues. It becomes something else illnesses, health issues all that they say, what you don't heal your body reveals oh, that's good listen, I didn't make it up, but you know what tm what?
Speaker 2:after? After I experienced like birth. I felt like everything happened to me, like I lost weight immediately, but then, once life happened, again gained weight, started my hair loss. Oh my gosh, I no one prepared me for hair loss like the balding was real that's a real thing. I did not know that, like you, could lose your hair the way I was like my hair was.
Speaker 2:My hair is so thick but there was like patches, where I was like girl what is happening, but postpartum hair loss is a real thing. Child, it's okay. We doing it, we make it look cute, we make it look easy.
Speaker 1:So our last, our actual last question.
Speaker 3:Because they said last last time. Yeah, we said last last. This is a real one, this is a for real Last last what do you think moms actually need to hear?
Speaker 2:You doing just fine, okay, you're doing just fine. Doing just fine, okay, you're doing just fine. We don't need to compare ourselves to anyone else. I know we hear this all the time. Don't compare yourself. It's so hard to you're. We're doing just fine. Because while people see you just be a mom, life is also throwing you a bunch of other obstacles and you're just trying to figure it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and ultimately I feel like that's what's allowed me to be graceful to my loved ones as well. Yeah, because now I'm like wait, like wait. You were how old and you also didn't know what you were doing. Yes, so this is the only like now I've been more graceful with more adults and more.
Speaker 1:Not that I never was, but when you're younger, you're like you're my mom, you should know what you're doing and I realized my mom was actually a woman, was a whole life going through who knows what, while we're like you don't think about that, or? Your dad or your aunt, or your aunt, everybody like. Once you get out of that main character energy and realize that everybody has their own, lives going on besides what they present.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, it really blew, my mind it did, it did, and I feel like, as girls, we were probably harder with our mothers. And like we then became closer as we got older and I'm like, dang, you were dealing with this.
Speaker 1:While I'm complaining about something stupid.
Speaker 2:No, no, we're doing just fine. We're doing just fine Like we wear so many hats being our own boss, while still have to keep up and be sexy for our loved ones, for ourselves, by being a mom and doing gentle parenting, child share, whatever. You know like we're doing a little bit of everything. So I think sometimes we keep—I think society doesn't give us enough grace, and I also want us to be graceful with ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's where it starts.
Speaker 2:I'm always like I'm never going to come up to work and be like I'm a sad story. I'm not like, I'm never going to come up to work and be like I'm a sad story. I'm not. It's a part of my story and I'm more than that. It's going to make me evolve, and it has. So, ultimately, I'm not sure why God did it. There was a tick that was like would you ask God? I'm still in my asking God phase, and that's okay. Yeah, if I'm being transparent.
Speaker 2:But I know that it has it really showed me yeah, wow, you're insane, like you can literally you're, you're capable of so many things.
Speaker 1:So you're doing just fine. Well, thank you. We're so glad you joined us, yes, and you're stuck with us forever, and I am so grateful because we come to LA.
Speaker 3:So just yeah, please, I'm a foodie, let's eat, eat. Oh my God Listen.
Speaker 2:I. I'm so floored, I am so grateful, thank you. I mean, we started off with a prayer and when I tell you, it's just like I sunk into this couch. Thank you so much. You never know whose lives you can touch by something like this is. This may be work, but this was. God has been shifting me into this space, like I've been wanting to do a podcast for years, for years, and I told my team. I said I want to talk more and I didn't know what to talk about. And then life happened for me and I'm like I have so much to say and I'm just so grateful because he's been pushing me into this space and I hope to see you guys bigger.
Speaker 3:Okay, y'all go Emmy. Okay, we claiming it.
Speaker 2:These girls are incredible. You're gonna make me cry seriously. You guys are incredible. The energy here, everybody from the behind the scenes, everybody has been truly amazing thank you so much, keep talking girl you guys are amazing did you just drop your face on my face? Oh no, that face is still sitting, oh wow my face didn't come off. Check the credits. Please make sure you guys support these girls. They were absolutely incredible.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, my face didn't come off, Thank you.
Speaker 2:Steve, check the credits y'all. Please make sure you guys support these girls. They were absolutely incredible. It's not a facade, no, it's real. Her too.
Speaker 3:Thank you, hey moi what's up.
